Teaching Toddlers the Gospel of Jesus Christ
Filed under: Parents/Leaders, Scripture Stories, Teaching Children, Teaching Values, Uncategorized
Each week, I teach one to three year olds about God, Jesus, and the Bible in my Mormon nursery class. Every month,
we learn a Bible story, repeating it each Sunday for the entire month, and we also have a lesson on a basic principle of Christianity. Over the past year, I’ve learned a great deal about teaching religion to very young children.
It’s never too soon to start teaching our children. As a family, we can read the scriptures and make sure even our youngest children are in the room as we do. They are listening and will absorb whatever they are ready for. Read more
Can I Make a Difference?
Sometimes, when a caring person looks around and sees how much need there is in the world, he can become discouraged. It might seem like it’s hardly worth helping, when your help would barely even touch the hardship the world is facing. A person who can afford to give only three cans of soup to a food bank might wonder if those three cans could make any difference at all when so many are hungry.
There is an often told tale of a man tossing starfish back into the ocean. Starfish that become stranded on the beach will die. A young man comes along and watches the older man for a few minutes. He looks around the beach at the hundreds and hundreds of stranded starfish lying on the beach and knowing the older man can’t possibly rescue them all, asks, “Why do you bother? It’s not going to make a difference.”
The older man picks up another starfish and throws it into the water. He turns to the younger man and says gently, “It made a difference to this one.”
There is a quote on my desk from Gordon B. Hinckley, the previous president of the Mormons. It says, “I believe in 
the principle that I can make a difference in this world. It may be ever so small. But it will count for the greater good. The goodness of the world in which we live is the accumulated goodness of many small and seemingly inconsequential acts.” (Gordon B. Hinckley, “I Believe,” Ensign, Aug 1992, 2)
Our three cans of soup might not do very much to end hunger. However, our three cans of soup might feed six people. Then, if our neighbor also contributed three cans of soup, twelve people would be fed. If enough people donated soup, and all the other foods necessary to sustain life, no one would be hungry. The accumulated donations would be enough to take care of everyone who needed them, even though ours alone can’t make a dent in the problem.
In order for this to work though, in order to be sure everyone who is hungry gets fed, and everyone who needs a place to live has one, everyone has to help. This doesn’t mean we can all sit around and wait for a handout. It does mean that those who have done the best they can do and still can’t quite make it will receive what they need. Anyone could unexpectedly find himself in a situation where he is dependent on others for his well-being. No one is immune from hardship. If we’ve helped others, we’ve earned the right to be helped without feeling guilty when we’ve truly exhausted our other resources.
The Mormons have a number of programs designed to help make our small contributions count for the greater good. One such program is the bishop’s storehouse. The storehouse resembles a small grocery store with one big exception-there is no cash register. Mormons meet with their church leaders to evaluate whether or not the member has done everything in his power to take care of himself. Has he cut his expenses down, and gotten rid of the luxuries? The church doesn’t help people maintain their lifestyles. It only helps them live. This means if a member wanted food assistance, but was keeping up a gym membership and a nice boat, he would be turned down.
The church leaders would also help the member learn to live more frugally if necessary. Then, when they were determined to be eligible for help, they would be able to fill out, with help from a leader, a form that lists all available food and personal care items available. They’d select what they need and go to the storehouse every other week to pick it up.
A member receiving this help would be expected to “pay” for it with work that might not entirely cover the cost, but would be tailored to that person’s individual circumstances. A member might come to the church building on Saturday evening to help clean it for the next day’s services, or mow lawns for elderly church members. Those who can come early to the storehouse and work there for an hour or two before filling their order. This maintains a person’s self-respect and dignity, because he’s not taking charity.
The money for this program comes from Mormons, who go without food for twenty-four hours, ending the first Sunday of each month. They skip two meals this way and then donate at least the amount they saved by not eating, drinking, or snacking during this time to a special fund called a Fast Offering. All the money from this fund goes to care for those in need. This allows the person who could normally only afford to donate two cans of soup to donate more once a month. Again, while the amount of money saved from two meals might not be a lot, when combined with the money from all the other skipped meals, it feeds and cares for a great many people around the world.
Each Mormon congregation has a woman’s Relief Society. This Relief Society has a woman assigned to be the Compassionate Service Leader for her congregation, working with assistants if needed. The compassionate service leader makes certain the needs of the congregation are met in terms of service. For instance, a grieving family will receive meals for a few days from members of the church. A woman with a broken leg might driven to the doctor by another woman, and a single mom with a critical job interview might have her children watched while she’s away. In this case, the accumulated goodness is in the form of time, rather than money. Not all needs can be met with money, and Mormons are taught to respond to those needs with their own time and resources.
The Savior Jesus Christ taught us to serve each other. He told the story of a time he was hungry and wasn’t fed or homeless, but was turned away. When his followers wanted to know when they had done that, he reminded them that what they do to others is what they do to the Savior. When we feed a hungry person, it’s a gift to Jesus Christ.
We may not be able to change the world alone, but when we combine our small but loving efforts with those of others, the world does get changed.
Mormon Marriage and Family Relations Course
Filed under: Parents/Leaders, Teaching Values
Mormons attend church three hours each week. After the basic service, they attend two other classes. In addition to the regular courses, there are optional courses offered periodically in wards (congregations) as needed. One is the Marriage and Family Relations Course.
While taught from a Mormon perspective, students do not have to be LDS. The course textbook is available free online, which also allows others to learn the material even if it’s not offered in their areas. For those who do wish to take the class, the course is free. You can contact your local congregation to find out if it’s being offered.
The course consists of sixteen lessons. The first eight are about strengthening marriage. This is important because parents who care about each other and have a strong, functional relationship are better able to meet the needs of their children. The remaining lessons are about parenting.
Parents are taught that children are a gift from God. He created them and they are his children, entrusted to our care. That makes parenting a sacred responsibility. Both parents are essential to a child’s well-being and each parent plays a specific role in the child’s life. Parents are taught what those roles are and are given advice on how to fulfill them.
They learn how to teach their children through example, living their own lives the way they want their children to live theirs. They also learn how to talk to their children about those things that are important, including religion.
The course includes guidelines on types of moral instruction parents should focus on and suggests ways to teach them, such as honesty, hard work, and moral purity. They also learn how to help children understand that choices have consequences and they don’t get to choose the consequences.
The course then introduces some specific Mormon programs that are done in the home by the family to strengthen the family and teach the children. These can be adapted to any faith: family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening.
Family home evening is a program that asks families to stay home on Monday evenings and spend time as a family with no outsiders. They have a family meeting, consisting of prayer, songs, a lesson on a principle the family wants to develop (nutrition, service, morality and other issues, both spiritual and practical), a treat and a fun activity. In today’s busy families, this is critical to making sure families develop a relationship with each other.
This course is designed to help parents set meaningful goals for their families, so their parenting and family life is conducted with an overall purpose and focus, rather than just getting through the busy days. Each choice made is one designed to further the well-being and love of the family, and to help children grow to adulthood successfully.
While some of the material is, of course, specific to the Mormon religion, most of it is also generally good advice, and can applied or adapted to almost any family’s values, if those values are conservative and high.
To read the course materials, visit Marriage and Family Relations Class.
Children in Church
A friend of another faith attended a Sunday service for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (known as the Mormons). She was surprised to see (and hear) so many children of all ages in attendance. At her church services, small children were tended in a separate room until the services were over.
We know our children are “an heritage of the LORD…. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them…” (Psalms 127:3-5)
Our quiver and our pew are full, which sometimes brings its own challenges. We’ve had a three-year-old son escape from our pew and run down the aisle with the taunt, “You can’t catch me!” We’ve had hungry, fidgety and crying infants. We’ve had siblings argue over the crayons and paper that were intended to keep them occupied.
So why would we go to church weekly for the last 13 years with children in tow? Our small, wiggly children are asked to sit still during a service that would seem beyond their attention span, but we (and other members of the congregation) are willing to overlook the potential cry of a baby or the occasional whispering chatter of a toddler.
There are four things we hope to teach our children by bringing them to church:
1. Love for our Father in Heaven and the Savior, Jesus Christ
“We want our children in [sacrament meeting]. We also want them to learn reverence, which is a form of love for the Savior. We want our children to understand that this is a worship service for Jesus, where we show him we love him.” ( Report from the 161st Annual General Conference, April 6–7, 1991 W. Mack Lawrence)
By attending church every week and taking the sacrament, we renew the promises and covenants we made at baptism – our way of showing our love to our Savior. When our children are baptized at age 8, they also can renew these covenants each Sunday.
They learn to love the Savior by learning His doctrine. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there are Sunday classes created just for children, called Primary. They sing songs and have a lesson on a gospel principle. They go to individual classes with lessons targeted for their age. They meet with their families in sacrament meeting, where the sacrament is passed. They learn more about the Savior’s life and teachings. They learn stories from the scriptures. They learn about God’s commandments and His love for His children. They can try to be more like Him because they know Him.
2. Repentance
One day after a particularly rowdy Sunday meeting, my husband gathered the family together to teach the importance of the sacrament. With a jar of clear water, he had the kids add drops of food coloring until the water was black. We talked about how we make mistakes during the week. We work on repentance every day, but on Sunday, we also take the sacrament and renew our baptismal covenants. The kids added bleach and watched the water become clear again. It brought home the purpose of going to church every Sunday – it helps us to repent and move forward.
3. Respect for the Savior and for others
When we teach reverence during church, we teach respect for the sacrament and the Atonement of Jesus Christ. The children learn respect for others as they go to Primary classes, listen to speakers, and try to stay quiet so other people in the congregation can enjoy the meeting.
“Worship services are a tremendous opportunity for children to learn about self-control and respect for the rights and needs of others. These sacred gatherings are occasions for all of us to work together to help children learn to feel and desire the ministrations of the Holy Spirit. Then as they grow they will gain a deep, abiding love for the Savior, a love that will sustain them on the strait and narrow path back into His arms.” (Joan Hughes and Helen Hughes, “Teaching Children to Worship,” Ensign, Jan 2007, 24–27)
4. How to Feel the Holy Ghost
We want our children to learn to recognize the feelings and presence of the Holy Ghost.
“Even very small children can experience the beautiful, sacred, tender feelings bestowed by the Holy Spirit, and all children have a need and a right to do so. For our children to feel the Spirit, they need to take part in sacrament meeting and be tranquil enough to sense the whisperings of the still, small voice. It is not always easy, but we can teach our children to “be still, and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10).(Joan Hughes and Helen Hughes, “Teaching Children to Worship,” Ensign, Jan 2007, 24–27)
We are trying to follow Christ, who invited the little children to be with Him.
“And they brought young children to him, that he should touch them: and his disciples rebuked those that brought them. But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God. Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein. And he took them up in his arms, put his hands upon them, and blessed them. “(Mark 10:13-16)
Are our children too young to learn these lessons? I don’t think so. Even our 11-month-old folds his arms on his own when we have family prayers. Every Sunday is a drop in the bucket of our child’s experience. My older children show me that bringing them to church, even as babies, was a very good choice. It isn’t easy, but it is worth the effort. We know that if we hang in there, we will be able to say as the apostle John did:
“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.” (3 John 1:4)
In the Thick of Thin Things
It is far too early to be thinking about school starting. I am savoring the summer, enjoying the fact that we still have more to come. I enjoy the longer and slower days and the easing of schedules and responsibilities.
Family vacation gives us distance from our normal life. We take time to talk about what is working well and what needs changing. I am following advice to:
“Find a retreat of peace and quiet where periodically you can ponder and let the Lord establish the direction of your life. Each of us needs to periodically check our bearings and confirm that we are on course…In a quiet moment write down your responses. Analyze them. Make any necessary adjustments. Put first things first. Do the best you can while on earth to have an ideal family.” (Richard G. Scott, First Things First, Conference Report, April 2001, p.
I am not very motivated to think ahead to the business of the kids’ fall schedule, but I know it will come. It will be busy – schedules, responsibilities, homework, sports, lessons, holidays. I know once the train gets moving, it is a hard one to stop. Last year as we raced from one activity to the next, I was over-stressed. I suspected that I was “in the thick of thin things.” (Anonymous)
This year, I wonder: Should I sign my boys up for sports? Should my daughter re-enroll for dance? Should I be willing to drive for an hour to see that my child has an excellent music teacher? All of these things are good, there is no doubt. But will all of these activities allow our family to eat together, play together, work together and learn together?
When my children are too busy, it is easy to skip even the basics – a made bed, a clean room, a chore, a decent meal, sleep, or time to just be together. The activity is good, but it could be preventing us from something better.
My life may be what the prophet Daniel saw when he described the last days: “…many shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall be increased.” (Daniel 12:4)
I seem to be running to and fro just about every day. Our family has great opportunities to choose from, but just because we can do something doesn’t mean we should.
“We live in a world that is filled with options. If we are not careful, we will find every minute jammed with social events, classes, exercise time, book clubs, scrapbooking, Church callings, music, sports, the Internet, and our favorite TV shows. One mother told me of a time that her children had 29 scheduled commitments every week: music lessons, Scouts, dance, Little League, day camps, soccer, art, and so forth. She felt like a taxi driver. Finally, she called a family meeting and announced, “Something has to go; we have no time to ourselves and no time for each other.” Families need unstructured time when relationships can deepen and real parenting can take place. Take time to listen, to laugh, and to play together.” (M. Russell Ballard, “Daughters of God,” Ensign, May 2008, 108–10)
I got some help prioritizing several months ago. I heard a talk given by Dallin H. Oaks, apostle of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (known as the Mormons). He noted that some things are good, some are better and some are best.
“We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families. (Dallin H. Oaks, “Good, Better, Best,” Liahona, Nov 2007, 104–8)
So what is “best”?
The best things are the things that endure forever – our relationships, our service to God and our fellowman, our knowledge and our character.
The best things “…seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness;” (Matthew 6:33)
I am coming to the conclusion that less is more. Dance is good, but a daughter who has time to do her homework, practice music, eat at home and get enough sleep may be better. Soccer is good, but doing family chores together on Saturday morning may be better. It will take some thought. We will choose carefully. Hopefully our choices will follow the counsel of the First Presidency of the Church:
“However worthy and appropriate other demands or activities may be, they must not be permitted to displace the divinely-appointed duties that only parents and families can adequately perform.” (First Presidency letter, Feb 11, 1999; printed in Church News, Feb 27, 1999, 3)
Video Games
I am looking over my son’s shoulder as he plays on the computer. He can tell I am not happy. “Mom, it’s just a game,” says my six-year old as he plays a video game he found on the Internet. I ask about the objective of the game and he says it is to destroy his opponent. “I get points!” he tells me with enthusiasm. “I’m almost to level three!”
How harmless were the beginnings of video games – a ball going from side to side in the mesmerizing game of Pong. The 80’s arrived with games like Pacman and Space Invaders and the 90’s brought us Sonic, Doom and Laura Croft, with more sex, violence, and more realistic graphics.
I walked into a video game store last month to buy a CD game for my son’s birthday. Row after row of games with titles like “Assassin’s Creed”, “World of Warcraft”, “Grand Theft Auto” and “Command and Conquer” filled the store. It looked as if 95% of the games for sale offered killing, war and sin for a bargain price of $59.95. I left empty-handed and saddened at the gaming “advances” of the last 30 years.
Although there are some good educational and even good entertaining games, they seem to be the great exception. In my own home full of boys, I have yet to see the good in most video games. When my boys play, they show a predictable pattern. There are fights over who got more time, fights about who didn’t get a turn and fights with me when it is time to get off. My normally kind boys are not very nice. My in-home focus group has taught me what science already knows: Violent video games create more aggressive behavior and can be addicting. Studies show that video games actually alter the brain.
“A team of British researchers found that video game playing actually changes the chemistry in the brain by increasing the activity of dopamine. Dopamine is one of the most important neurotransmitters in the brain, controlling movement, attention, and learning.” (”Playstation Nation”, Bruner &Bruner, 2006, p. 28)
And
“UCLA psychiatrist Carole Lieberman says, “So the brain not only is seeing the images and getting stimulated, but it’s practicing a response. When the person is exposed to these violent media stimuli and it excites the psychoneurological receptors, it causes the person to feel this excitement, to feel a kind of high- and then to be addicted to whatever was giving him the high” (”Playstation Nation”, Bruner &Bruner, 2006, p. 20)
The new Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games (MMORPG) like EverQuest and World of Warcraft are even more addicting. Players create their own character and go on “missions” with other simultaneous Internet players. The players rely on each other for support. Gamers play for long periods of time to improve their character’s skill to stay up to speed with others. Players can create new identities and live in a world of fantasy where social interaction exists. They feel that they can be part of something grand and extraordinary. For the addicted gamer, the virtual world is more exciting than everyday life.
According to the National Institute for Family and Media, about 92% of children, ages 2-17 play video games regularly. This translates into 59 million young players. Of those children, one in seven players shows signs of an addiction. (www.mediafamily.org)
Unlike other “toys” in childhood, adults who play frequently have a hard time giving up video games. According to the Entertainment Software Association, the average adult gamer has been playing for 12 years. Fifty-three percent of game players expect to be playing as much or more ten years from now than they do today.
Even the American Medical Association brought video game addiction to our attention in 2007, recommending that Internet/video game addiction be a formal diagnostic mental disorder.
I am very grateful for counsel of inspired church leaders who would steer us away from the bad in media and its possible addictions. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (known as the Mormons), children and teens are counseled to stay away from violent media.
“Depictions of violence often glamorize vicious behavior. They offend the Spirit and make you less able to respond to others in a sensitive, caring way. They contradict the Savior’s message of love for one another.” (For the Strength of Youth , 19).
What goes into the minds of children is hard to erase. Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, an apostle of the Mormon church has said,
“Just as we exercise great care about what we take into our bodies through our mouths, we should exert a similar vigilance about what we take into our minds through our eyes and ears” (“Windows of Light and Truth,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 77).
The effects may not be immediately visible, but they are present. Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles expressed it well when he said:
“I believe the entertainment industry cannot portray on film people gunned down in cold blood, in living color, and not have it affect the attitudes and thoughts of some of the people who see it. … I believe that the desensitizing effect of such media abuses on the hearts and souls of those who are exposed to them results in a partial fulfillment of the Savior’s statement that ‘because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.’” (”When Shall These Things Be?” Ensign, Dec. 1996, 58.)
The scriptures teach us that contention’s source is not from God or His Son, Jesus Christ:
For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.
Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away. 3 Nephi 11:29-30 .
Not only is contention to be avoided, but it can be replaced with good. Video games try to mimic a sense of purpose and direction. If our children have a knowledge of where they are headed from an eternal point of view, they don’t need a fantasy or escape from reality. They can work toward the eternal reward and find great joy and happiness. And at the end of their lives, they will have a happy day of accounting with God in how they spent their time.
We all need recreation, but Elder M. Russell Ballard recommends that we not let “things get out of balance. It is not watching television, but watching television hour after hour, night after night. Does not that qualify as idling away your time? What will you say to the Lord when He asks what you have done with the precious gift of life and time? Surely you will not feel comfortable telling Him that you were able to pass the 100,000-point level in a challenging video game” (“Be Strong in the Lord,” Ensign, July 2004, 14).
The social wave of video gaming is strong. These games seem to be everywhere. They are in many homes and played by many kids. Video games keep kids busy and quiet, which is a great motivator for busy parents. We’ve all been there. But the content has evolved into a sneak-attack on unassuming parents. When the virtual killing of humanity becomes “no big deal”, it is a wave worth blocking.
I have seen the negative effects of violent games on my children. I have seen friends’ marriages fall apart in part, due to addictions of video gaming. I have read scientific material on the subject and I am convinced.
I tell my boys that I want them to be able to hold a conversation, have a real relationship, and have a hobby that produces and doesn’t consume. There is a time to relax, but a greater sense of purpose will lead them to creative and creation-based play. Because I am convinced, I am selective, firm, and most times unpopular. But I am also grateful.
I am thankful for the gospel of Jesus Christ that gives me knowledge of what my Father in Heaven wants me to teach my children. I am grateful for a modern-day prophet and apostles who can give wise counsel as times change. I am thankful for the purpose, direction, joy and excitement that comes from living the gospel. I am grateful for beautiful children that I can love and protect with a hope for their happiness all through their lives.
Teaching Kids a Good Work Ethic
Mention the word ‘work’ to your kids and you can clear a room faster than a frog catching a fly. Children are growing up in these days lacking the work ethic generations past have shown. If a job is ‘too hard,’ kids are more likely to give up than go the distance.
I’m not saying all kids are afraid and unwilling to work. I’ve seen many who can outdistance some teenagers in what they’re willing and able to accomplish. There are also those who dearly want to help out around the house and yard, but without proper guidance don’t know what to do or how to do it.
Guidance is they key word. One of the greatest compliments I’ve heard given to a mother, said: “She never asked us to do anything without being right there with us to help.” This particular woman had nine children, and a husband who was gone much of the time for work. She didn’t want it spread around the neighborhood that he wasn’t around and so for many years no one knew how much time she spent alone with her children. If she hadn’t taught them to work, it would have been overwhelming.
This family had a BIG garden. Every day this mother was out with her children, showing them which plants were vegetables and which were weeds, and how much water everything needed. When it was time to harvest, the family could be seen outside gathering fruits from trees and veggies from the garden. From a young age boys and girls alike helped in canning what they harvested to help them make it through the year.
For many years I was the exact opposite. I would shoo my children out of the way so I could just get the work done, whether it was cooking, cleaning, or laundry. I didn’t realize just how much my oldest wanted to work with me, not have me do it for her. Fortunately my kids have a father who’s a little more patient, and even taught me how to settle down and take the time to teach our children to work.
The best time to begin teaching a child the value of working hard is in their youth. “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).
Joseph B. Wirthlin, an apostle in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (also known as the Mormon Church), spoke briefly of the importance of teaching this value to children.
“Teach your young children to work, and teach them that honest labor develops dignity and self-respect. Help them to find pleasure in work and to feel the satisfaction that comes from a job well done” (Joseph B. Wirthlin, “Spiritually Strong Homes and Families,” Ensign, May 1993).
Convincing children they want to work may at times seem overwhelming. Yet there can be an amazing sense of satisfaction when they’ve accomplished the task at hand. One of our most daunting rooms to clean belongs to my boys. It’s a terrifying sight, as I’m sure those who have boys can attest. It didn’t take long for me to learn that telling them it was time to go clean their room wouldn’t get the job done, and it’s not hard to tell why. Walking through the door (when you can get the door open) and looking at the mess could make even the bravest of men cower.
Here are a few things I learned to encourage my own children to get the job done:
1. Break it up into smaller parts. Whether you’re cleaning a room, washing dishes, or raking the leaves, break the big jobs up into something smaller. If you’re working on a room, start with books, or a section of a messy room. Hand them plates first, if washing dishes. If you’re raking leaves, encourage them to start with one small section.
2. Find ways to make it a game. Set a timer and see just how much they can get done before it goes off. Sing a song. Take turns being ‘Supervisor’, and for five minutes let them be the boss.
3. Don’t be afraid to stop and play. Kids love to take play breaks. Just don’t make it too long or they’ll get off task. A mere thirty seconds can work wonders.
4. Don’t let the little things go. By that I mean make sure the job is complete. If they clean their room, make sure they check under the beds, even on top of their beds, or behind a bookshelf. Make sure books are lined up correctly, not just piled on top of each other. If you teach them to do it the right way when they’re young, they’ll continue to do so as they get older.
5. Reward them when they’re done. I’m not talking bribes. I’m talking rewards. Words to praise a good job done. Go to the park or the library. Make cookies together. Read their favorite book.
6. Most important – get in there with them. If you want them to clean their room, get in there and help. If you’re working outside, grab a rake or garbage bag and plow right in. Children learn best when guided by someone they love.
Now I can’t guarantee miracles, but you might find yourselves with some happy workers if you take a hand in helping them learn. As you continue to do this keep in mind as children get older some will want you to continue to help, others will want to try figuring things out themselves. Always be available to help when asked.
This can be a lot to ask, especially when both parents need to work, or there’s only one parent. It is not, however, impossible. If it ever feels like too much to handle, take it to your Heavenly Father. He can give you the strength you need and the opportunities required to do what is right by your children.
I promise you it will be worth the effort.
Promote Modest Dress With Your Children
A sweet woman my husband works with has twin girls just a year older than my own daughter. Every six months or so she goes through her girls’ closet and locates all the clothes that are too small and lovingly hands them over to us. These gifts of clothes come as quite a blessing and we dearly appreciate her thinking of us first. With some of the clothes, however, there is one problem. They’re not very modest.
I will admit to being disturbed by the fashion trends geared towards pre-teen girls. In fact, even when my daughter was seven it was difficult to find clothes that weren’t cut too high or too low, and I was often forced to buy shirts and shorts a size bigger just to ensure her body would be appropriately covered.
The idea of being modest needs to be taught early in a child’s life. Think of where your child will be in five years. What do you want your child to hold important then that you can start teaching him/her about now?
I’ve been working with my daughter since she was about five to consider which clothes show too much skin, making them immodest. The idea of modesty is certainly not new. I would imagine many in today’s world consider the idea to be rather old-fashioned. Fortunately, old-fashioned doesn’t have to mean unnecessary.
I teach girls age 12-17 in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or Mormon Church as it is also known. Some of the girls are great when it comes to dressing modestly: skirts/dresses to the knee or below, shirts cut long on the bottom and not too low on the neck, clothes that don’t fit too tight. I can tell that these girls have been taught since they were young what dressing modestly is all about.
Other girls have a harder time with the idea. I don’t know if it’s by their own choice, or because they were never taught what being modest in their dress is all about. In those cases we, as leaders, try to help them on an individual basis to subtly modify their clothes to become more modest. It’s also important to tell them why. (If you’d like a guide on how to dress modestly, go to “Staying Modest“.)
Why is it so important to teach our children to be modest?
“Our body is a gift from God; it is necessary for us to progress; we had to come to earth to get it; we must take care of it; one of the blessings of having a body is that someday we will be able to create other bodies” (Terrance D. Olson, “Teaching Morality to Your Children,” Ensign, Mar 1981).
When it comes to teaching children about anything, even about why we should be modest, keep it simple. They don’t need a lot of details. Most of what we know they would never fully understand. Only when your children get a little older will they require a little more knowledge.
Think about how God teaches us. We can read in Isaiah 28:13,
“But the word of the LORD was unto them precept upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little.”
We see this idea again in the Book of Mormon, another testament of Christ, when we look in 2 Nephi 28:30.
“For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have.”
As we grow in the things of the spirit and become prepared, the Lord will grant us with more knowledge. It’s important we treat our children the same thing.
“By teaching the Lord’s view on moral cleanliness, we are offering our children a standard by which alternative views can be seen for what they really are: alternatives to the Lord’s view” (Terrance D. Olson, “Teaching Morality to Your Children,” Ensign, Mar 1981).
The Lord wants us to have healthy, beautiful bodies, and to keep them appropriately dressed.
Going through the clothes freely given to us by my husband’s co-worker, I find it’s now possible to give my daughter the lead as to what she wants to keep and what we will give away. Though she may not understand all of the reasons it’s important to remain appropriately dressed, she has learned how to judge what is modest. I can testify this will be a strength to her as she gets older.
Involve Children in Making Family Decisions
“The power to choose is one of the greatest gifts God has given humanity. Children who are allowed to share in family decisions will be more willing to obey family rules” (‘10 Ways to Teach Values in the Home’).
Ask anyone who has ever had his or her freedoms forcibly taken away. No one wants to be forced to do something. Especially not a child. This is a lesson difficult for many parents to understand. Yet it is the final thing stressed in the pamphlet mentioned above, put out by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons).
Allowing our children the opportunity to help make decisions that directly affect them is vital in helping them learn how to have some form of control over their lives. Have you ever met someone who’s never been allowed the chance to make his own decision? I have, and it’s nothing for a parent to brag about. If a child can’t learn to make even little decisions, how can we expect them to make the big ones?
When it comes to letting our children makes their own decisions, be careful these are appropriate for their age and responsibility levels. Someone who is four could decide how many times a week she will take a bath. A child closer to ten could decide on what time he’ll get his homework done (such as after school or dinner).
The great thing about doing this is it gives your children some freedom, but it doesn’t infringe on your family’s nonnegotiable values. It gives your children a sense of control, but still keeps the decisions within your own limits.
I’ve mentioned this before, and I do it mostly because of how important it is. It is imperative that you explain to your children the reasons behind each family rule, as well as the values attached to them. Children deserve to know why you have set up certain rules. Just as parents and adults need to understand why they are being asked to follow certain decisions, children should be allowed the same respect.
If you decide everyone needs to be involved in doing the laundry, explain why. Let your children know it’s not easy for Mom to do all the laundry, especially as the children grow and the laundry just gets bigger. For younger children, keep the rules simple. It can be their job to put their dirty clothes in the hamper. They can even help sort socks and put clothes in the drawers. For older children, encourage them to sort clothes into whites, lights, and darks. By this age they should be old enough to put their own laundry away. Granted they may not do a great job (I rarely look in my daughter’s drawers unless absolutely necessary), but that’s not the point.
Look for other areas where children can help set up their own rules. It could be in setting a curfew, inviting friends over, planning family activities, or different household chores. If you let your children help in making these rules and the consequences if the rules are broken, they’ll be much more likely to follow them. Also let your children know why these rules and values are important. It’ll make the learning process that much more potent.
Decide Which Values are Nonnegotiable
In the pamphlet “10 Ways to Teach Values in the Home” put out by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons), we are told teaching values is one of our “fundamental responsibilities” as a parent or guardian. Therefore it is up to us to decide which values are nonnegotiable, and which ones we can be a bit more flexible with.
“Teach your children that these nonnegotiable values must be honored because they are essential for family relationships to run smoothly.”
For example, in our own family the value of tithing must be followed. It’s nonnegotiable. The first thing that comes out of each paycheck for my husband and I is the tithing. The first thing our children are asked to do with any money they earn is pay their own tithing. We’re tying to teach them it’s not just a good thing to do, it’s required by the Lord.
Abraham of old paid tithing (Genesis 14:20). In Genesis 28, Jacob covenants to pay tithing. In Numbers 18:26 we are even taught how much we should pay:
“Thus speak unto the Levites, and say unto them, When ye take of the children of Israel the tithes which I have given you from them for your inheritance, then ye shall offer up an heave offering of it for the Lord, even a tenth part of the tithe.”
It’s not an easy lesson to learn (as my son will loudly declare), but the blessings that come from paying tithing are wonderful, and we want our children to know it for themselves.
Making sure the children have their room always clean isn’t a value we push. It’s negotiable. At least once a week we ask that they do a cursory cleaning, and then on Fridays they need to have the entire room picked up. It’s not a daily task in our home. This might not be the case in other families.
Take some time out to discuss which values are negotiable and which are not. Feel free to bring your children in on this discussion. Let them know what it means to have something that’s not negotiable. Seriously listen to their own opinions on what values they feel should be more flexible. When setting up the permanent values, help your children understand why it needs to be that way.
Other nonnegotiable values might be family prayer, or daily reading from the scriptures, or having Sunday dinner all together. For older children is could be a curfew set when they’re at a friends’ house, or getting to their homework right after dinner. What values are necessary for your own family to run smoothly? What values are more flexible for you?