Teaching Toddlers the Gospel of Jesus Christ
Filed under: Parents/Leaders, Scripture Stories, Teaching Children, Teaching Values, Uncategorized
Each week, I teach one to three year olds about God, Jesus, and the Bible in my Mormon nursery class. Every month,
we learn a Bible story, repeating it each Sunday for the entire month, and we also have a lesson on a basic principle of Christianity. Over the past year, I’ve learned a great deal about teaching religion to very young children.
It’s never too soon to start teaching our children. As a family, we can read the scriptures and make sure even our youngest children are in the room as we do. They are listening and will absorb whatever they are ready for. Read more
Teaching Your Child to Entertain Himself
Filed under: Entertaiment and Recreation, Motivating Children, Parents/Leaders, Teaching Children
I was watching various teenagers today as I drove around town doing errands and noticed none of them seemed to be comfortable with their own company. They talked on cell phones or were plugged into music as they waited for school busses or walked down the street. Merely walking and thinking seemed to be out of style. Read more
Can I Make a Difference?
Sometimes, when a caring person looks around and sees how much need there is in the world, he can become discouraged. It might seem like it’s hardly worth helping, when your help would barely even touch the hardship the world is facing. A person who can afford to give only three cans of soup to a food bank might wonder if those three cans could make any difference at all when so many are hungry.
There is an often told tale of a man tossing starfish back into the ocean. Starfish that become stranded on the beach will die. A young man comes along and watches the older man for a few minutes. He looks around the beach at the hundreds and hundreds of stranded starfish lying on the beach and knowing the older man can’t possibly rescue them all, asks, “Why do you bother? It’s not going to make a difference.”
The older man picks up another starfish and throws it into the water. He turns to the younger man and says gently, “It made a difference to this one.”
There is a quote on my desk from Gordon B. Hinckley, the previous president of the Mormons. It says, “I believe in 
the principle that I can make a difference in this world. It may be ever so small. But it will count for the greater good. The goodness of the world in which we live is the accumulated goodness of many small and seemingly inconsequential acts.” (Gordon B. Hinckley, “I Believe,” Ensign, Aug 1992, 2)
Our three cans of soup might not do very much to end hunger. However, our three cans of soup might feed six people. Then, if our neighbor also contributed three cans of soup, twelve people would be fed. If enough people donated soup, and all the other foods necessary to sustain life, no one would be hungry. The accumulated donations would be enough to take care of everyone who needed them, even though ours alone can’t make a dent in the problem.
In order for this to work though, in order to be sure everyone who is hungry gets fed, and everyone who needs a place to live has one, everyone has to help. This doesn’t mean we can all sit around and wait for a handout. It does mean that those who have done the best they can do and still can’t quite make it will receive what they need. Anyone could unexpectedly find himself in a situation where he is dependent on others for his well-being. No one is immune from hardship. If we’ve helped others, we’ve earned the right to be helped without feeling guilty when we’ve truly exhausted our other resources.
The Mormons have a number of programs designed to help make our small contributions count for the greater good. One such program is the bishop’s storehouse. The storehouse resembles a small grocery store with one big exception-there is no cash register. Mormons meet with their church leaders to evaluate whether or not the member has done everything in his power to take care of himself. Has he cut his expenses down, and gotten rid of the luxuries? The church doesn’t help people maintain their lifestyles. It only helps them live. This means if a member wanted food assistance, but was keeping up a gym membership and a nice boat, he would be turned down.
The church leaders would also help the member learn to live more frugally if necessary. Then, when they were determined to be eligible for help, they would be able to fill out, with help from a leader, a form that lists all available food and personal care items available. They’d select what they need and go to the storehouse every other week to pick it up.
A member receiving this help would be expected to “pay” for it with work that might not entirely cover the cost, but would be tailored to that person’s individual circumstances. A member might come to the church building on Saturday evening to help clean it for the next day’s services, or mow lawns for elderly church members. Those who can come early to the storehouse and work there for an hour or two before filling their order. This maintains a person’s self-respect and dignity, because he’s not taking charity.
The money for this program comes from Mormons, who go without food for twenty-four hours, ending the first Sunday of each month. They skip two meals this way and then donate at least the amount they saved by not eating, drinking, or snacking during this time to a special fund called a Fast Offering. All the money from this fund goes to care for those in need. This allows the person who could normally only afford to donate two cans of soup to donate more once a month. Again, while the amount of money saved from two meals might not be a lot, when combined with the money from all the other skipped meals, it feeds and cares for a great many people around the world.
Each Mormon congregation has a woman’s Relief Society. This Relief Society has a woman assigned to be the Compassionate Service Leader for her congregation, working with assistants if needed. The compassionate service leader makes certain the needs of the congregation are met in terms of service. For instance, a grieving family will receive meals for a few days from members of the church. A woman with a broken leg might driven to the doctor by another woman, and a single mom with a critical job interview might have her children watched while she’s away. In this case, the accumulated goodness is in the form of time, rather than money. Not all needs can be met with money, and Mormons are taught to respond to those needs with their own time and resources.
The Savior Jesus Christ taught us to serve each other. He told the story of a time he was hungry and wasn’t fed or homeless, but was turned away. When his followers wanted to know when they had done that, he reminded them that what they do to others is what they do to the Savior. When we feed a hungry person, it’s a gift to Jesus Christ.
We may not be able to change the world alone, but when we combine our small but loving efforts with those of others, the world does get changed.
The New Mormon Nursery Manual
Mormons believe you’re never too young to learn, so classes for children begin at eighteen months. The nursery is for eighteen month olds to three year olds. In January, a child who will be four by the end of the year moves into the regular children’s program, known as Primary.
The nursery is not merely a babysitting service. It’s a real class, with a structured schedule and meaningful gospel learning opportunities. Previously, the nursery used the manual for the next class up, with suggestions for adapting it. This year, a new manual just for toddlers was introduced, which reinforces the educational and spiritual aspects of the nursery program.
The nursery is staffed with at least two adults, either a married couple or two adults of the same gender. Attendance is voluntary, but it is an important step to preparing children for the higher demands of the rest of the Primary program.
The new manual is called “Behold Your Little Ones.” The title is taken from a powerful story in the Book of Mormon, when Jesus Christ appeared to the Nephites after his death. Jesus asked the people to bring their children to him. When they were gathered, He stood in their midst and prayed. After the prayer, he gave each child an individual and personal blessing-a special personal prayer to God for the child.
22 And when he had done this he wept again;
23 And he spake unto the multitude, and said unto them: Behold your little ones.
24 And as they looked to behold they cast their eyes towards heaven, and they saw the heavens open, and they saw angels descending out of heaven as it were in the midst of fire; and they came down and encircled those little ones about, and they were encircled about with fire; and the angels did minister unto them. (3 Nephi 17)
The title reminds us of how special children are to the Savior and that miracles can occur through and to children. They are never too young to learn to love their Savior.
The manual contains thirty lessons, including lessons for Easter and Christmas. Each lesson is a complete resource. Spiral bound so it can be set on a table, each lesson includes songs, scriptures to be read directly from the scriptures themselves, scripture stories, repetition activities, and pictures. There are full-color pictures, as well as a simple line drawing to be used for coloring or other activities. The lessons also include optional activities leaders can choose from, such as activity verses, crafts, or games. The pictures are in the actual lesson, not a separate packet, making it easy to show them to the children and to keep track of them.
Along the margins are teaching tips to help leaders understand children or learn to improve their teaching skills. They also outline the church rules for teaching.
As an example, lesson two’s theme is “Heavenly Father Has a Plan for Me.” The lesson flows from the children’s song, “I Am a Child of God.” The points of the lesson are taught as children learn one or two lines of the song. Pictures of Jesus Christ and of families make the topic more understandable for small children, and restlessness is avoided, as the children are also learning to sing the song throughout the lesson. This lesson is an excellent way for music leaders to learn how to teach a child a song.
Because each lesson has a picture and craft idea, leaders are less tempted to use materials that aren’t produced by the church. Everything needed is right in the lesson, and teachers are instructed to supplement, if needed, with materials from other lesson manuals or church magazines.
Nurseries are counseled to include in their schedule:
Lesson
Free Play time with books, toys, and puzzles. Toys are to be out only during playtime.
A healthy snack.
Music lesson.
Transition activities to help children move from one activity to the next. This is the schedule I am using in my nursery:
Gathering activity-10 minutes. This is a craft based on the lesson or a few educational toys, just something to get them engaged while they’re arriving.
Lesson: 15 minutes
Snack: 15 minutes ( a nice break after all that structure.)
Music: 15 minutes
Free Play: 30 minutes. Toys are put into four or five stations, not all over the room. One station is rotated out each week, but books and toddler toys always stay. A teacher sits on a blanket reading to those who want to listen. Educational things are at another station, also with an adult. Remaining adults watch over the nursery. We usually have parents around to help with that.
Closing Activities: A review of songs and action rhymes from the lesson, and then coloring or crafts based on the lesson, games. I set out the flannel boards and maybe one other thing for children who don’t do crafts or coloring.
As you can see, the children are busy and learning the whole time. There is only a half hour of toys, and it’s a selected number of toys to avoid overstimulation.
The new manual makes it very easy to build everything but the free play around your lesson and to use only church produced materials. It’s an amazing work, and I hope the next round of manuals for older Primary children will follow the example of this one. It’s also designed to be used in the home, and is so simply written, a child could plan family home evening from the lessons. Take a look and see for yourself:
Mormon Marriage and Family Relations Course
Filed under: Parents/Leaders, Teaching Values
Mormons attend church three hours each week. After the basic service, they attend two other classes. In addition to the regular courses, there are optional courses offered periodically in wards (congregations) as needed. One is the Marriage and Family Relations Course.
While taught from a Mormon perspective, students do not have to be LDS. The course textbook is available free online, which also allows others to learn the material even if it’s not offered in their areas. For those who do wish to take the class, the course is free. You can contact your local congregation to find out if it’s being offered.
The course consists of sixteen lessons. The first eight are about strengthening marriage. This is important because parents who care about each other and have a strong, functional relationship are better able to meet the needs of their children. The remaining lessons are about parenting.
Parents are taught that children are a gift from God. He created them and they are his children, entrusted to our care. That makes parenting a sacred responsibility. Both parents are essential to a child’s well-being and each parent plays a specific role in the child’s life. Parents are taught what those roles are and are given advice on how to fulfill them.
They learn how to teach their children through example, living their own lives the way they want their children to live theirs. They also learn how to talk to their children about those things that are important, including religion.
The course includes guidelines on types of moral instruction parents should focus on and suggests ways to teach them, such as honesty, hard work, and moral purity. They also learn how to help children understand that choices have consequences and they don’t get to choose the consequences.
The course then introduces some specific Mormon programs that are done in the home by the family to strengthen the family and teach the children. These can be adapted to any faith: family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening.
Family home evening is a program that asks families to stay home on Monday evenings and spend time as a family with no outsiders. They have a family meeting, consisting of prayer, songs, a lesson on a principle the family wants to develop (nutrition, service, morality and other issues, both spiritual and practical), a treat and a fun activity. In today’s busy families, this is critical to making sure families develop a relationship with each other.
This course is designed to help parents set meaningful goals for their families, so their parenting and family life is conducted with an overall purpose and focus, rather than just getting through the busy days. Each choice made is one designed to further the well-being and love of the family, and to help children grow to adulthood successfully.
While some of the material is, of course, specific to the Mormon religion, most of it is also generally good advice, and can applied or adapted to almost any family’s values, if those values are conservative and high.
To read the course materials, visit Marriage and Family Relations Class.
Lead Me, Guide Me
There is a children’s song that has lines in the chorus:
“Lead me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way.
Teach me all that I must do to live with Him someday.” (I Am a Child of God)
Finding ways to lead and guide children is the goal of parents in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (known as the Mormons). When kids aren’t behaving in the way we’d like, sometimes we feel less like leading and guiding and more like pushing, pulling or forcing. But this is not the way shown to us by the Savior, Jesus Christ.
The example of the Savior was one of mentoring leadership, selfless service and gentle persuasion.
I read a great book recently called Nudge; a book that discusses choice. The book shows that people need to make choices, but also understands that they can be influenced and led in positive directions to choose good things. The authors understand human nature and know that people can be fallible.
“Drawing on some well-established findings in social science, we show that in many cases, individuals make pretty bad decisions – decisions they would not have made if they had paid full attention and possessed complete information, unlimited cognitive abilities, and complete self-control.” (Nudge, Thaler and Sunstein, Yale University Press, 2008)
In the book, they talk about how those in leadership positions can create an architecture of choice around those they lead. Their followers can be nudged in the right direction. As parents, we are “choice architects” for our children. We can lead, guide and nudge using these principles, which are consistent with the teachings of Jesus Christ. He respected people’s ability to choose, but still said with confidence, “Follow me.” (Matthew 4:19)
Twelfth President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Spencer W. Kimball, described the leadership principles exemplified by the Savior:
“Fixed Principles:
Jesus knew who he was and why he was here on this planet. That meant he could lead from strength rather than from uncertainty or weakness. Jesus operated from a base of fixed principles or truths rather than making up the rules as he went along. Thus, his leadership style was not only correct, but also constant.Understanding Others
Jesus was a listening leader. Because he loved others with a perfect love, he listened without being condescending. A great leader listens not only to others, but also to his conscience and to the promptings of God.Selfless Leadership
The Savior’s leadership was selfless. He put himself and his own needs second and ministered to others beyond the call of duty, tirelessly, lovingly, effectively. So many of the problems in the world today spring from selfishness and self-centeredness in which too many make harsh demands of life and others in order to meet their demands.Jesus’ leadership emphasized the importance of being discerning with regard to others, without seeking to control them.
Responsibility
Jesus knew how to involve his disciples in the process of life. He gave them important and specific things to do for their development. Jesus trusts his followers enough to share his work with them so that they can grow. That is one of the greatest lessons of his leadership.Accountability
Jesus knew how to involve his disciples in the process of life. He gave them important and specific things to do for their development. Jesus trusts his followers enough to share his work with them so that they can grow. That is one of the greatest lessons of his leadership.” (Spencer W. Kimball, “Jesus: The Perfect Leader,” Tambuli, Aug 1983, 7)
Jesus Christ is the leader we should follow as we work to lead our children back to our Father in Heaven. We can follow His great example of a willingness to serve (Matthew 20:28 and Matthew 23:11). We can know that we have a great stewardship to teach our children, but still be humble in our teaching. (Matthew 23:12)
Like the song says, we can lead, guide and walk beside our children as we show them by our example the way of our Savior, Jesus Christ.
Children in Church
A friend of another faith attended a Sunday service for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (known as the Mormons). She was surprised to see (and hear) so many children of all ages in attendance. At her church services, small children were tended in a separate room until the services were over.
We know our children are “an heritage of the LORD…. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them…” (Psalms 127:3-5)
Our quiver and our pew are full, which sometimes brings its own challenges. We’ve had a three-year-old son escape from our pew and run down the aisle with the taunt, “You can’t catch me!” We’ve had hungry, fidgety and crying infants. We’ve had siblings argue over the crayons and paper that were intended to keep them occupied.
So why would we go to church weekly for the last 13 years with children in tow? Our small, wiggly children are asked to sit still during a service that would seem beyond their attention span, but we (and other members of the congregation) are willing to overlook the potential cry of a baby or the occasional whispering chatter of a toddler.
There are four things we hope to teach our children by bringing them to church:
1. Love for our Father in Heaven and the Savior, Jesus Christ
“We want our children in [sacrament meeting]. We also want them to learn reverence, which is a form of love for the Savior. We want our children to understand that this is a worship service for Jesus, where we show him we love him.” ( Report from the 161st Annual General Conference, April 6–7, 1991 W. Mack Lawrence)
By attending church every week and taking the sacrament, we renew the promises and covenants we made at baptism – our way of showing our love to our Savior. When our children are baptized at age 8, they also can renew these covenants each Sunday.
They learn to love the Savior by learning His doctrine. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there are Sunday classes created just for children, called Primary. They sing songs and have a lesson on a gospel principle. They go to individual classes with lessons targeted for their age. They meet with their families in sacrament meeting, where the sacrament is passed. They learn more about the Savior’s life and teachings. They learn stories from the scriptures. They learn about God’s commandments and His love for His children. They can try to be more like Him because they know Him.
2. Repentance
One day after a particularly rowdy Sunday meeting, my husband gathered the family together to teach the importance of the sacrament. With a jar of clear water, he had the kids add drops of food coloring until the water was black. We talked about how we make mistakes during the week. We work on repentance every day, but on Sunday, we also take the sacrament and renew our baptismal covenants. The kids added bleach and watched the water become clear again. It brought home the purpose of going to church every Sunday – it helps us to repent and move forward.
3. Respect for the Savior and for others
When we teach reverence during church, we teach respect for the sacrament and the Atonement of Jesus Christ. The children learn respect for others as they go to Primary classes, listen to speakers, and try to stay quiet so other people in the congregation can enjoy the meeting.
“Worship services are a tremendous opportunity for children to learn about self-control and respect for the rights and needs of others. These sacred gatherings are occasions for all of us to work together to help children learn to feel and desire the ministrations of the Holy Spirit. Then as they grow they will gain a deep, abiding love for the Savior, a love that will sustain them on the strait and narrow path back into His arms.” (Joan Hughes and Helen Hughes, “Teaching Children to Worship,” Ensign, Jan 2007, 24–27)
4. How to Feel the Holy Ghost
We want our children to learn to recognize the feelings and presence of the Holy Ghost.
“Even very small children can experience the beautiful, sacred, tender feelings bestowed by the Holy Spirit, and all children have a need and a right to do so. For our children to feel the Spirit, they need to take part in sacrament meeting and be tranquil enough to sense the whisperings of the still, small voice. It is not always easy, but we can teach our children to “be still, and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10).(Joan Hughes and Helen Hughes, “Teaching Children to Worship,” Ensign, Jan 2007, 24–27)
We are trying to follow Christ, who invited the little children to be with Him.
“And they brought young children to him, that he should touch them: and his disciples rebuked those that brought them. But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God. Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein. And he took them up in his arms, put his hands upon them, and blessed them. “(Mark 10:13-16)
Are our children too young to learn these lessons? I don’t think so. Even our 11-month-old folds his arms on his own when we have family prayers. Every Sunday is a drop in the bucket of our child’s experience. My older children show me that bringing them to church, even as babies, was a very good choice. It isn’t easy, but it is worth the effort. We know that if we hang in there, we will be able to say as the apostle John did:
“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.” (3 John 1:4)
In the Thick of Thin Things
It is far too early to be thinking about school starting. I am savoring the summer, enjoying the fact that we still have more to come. I enjoy the longer and slower days and the easing of schedules and responsibilities.
Family vacation gives us distance from our normal life. We take time to talk about what is working well and what needs changing. I am following advice to:
“Find a retreat of peace and quiet where periodically you can ponder and let the Lord establish the direction of your life. Each of us needs to periodically check our bearings and confirm that we are on course…In a quiet moment write down your responses. Analyze them. Make any necessary adjustments. Put first things first. Do the best you can while on earth to have an ideal family.” (Richard G. Scott, First Things First, Conference Report, April 2001, p.
I am not very motivated to think ahead to the business of the kids’ fall schedule, but I know it will come. It will be busy – schedules, responsibilities, homework, sports, lessons, holidays. I know once the train gets moving, it is a hard one to stop. Last year as we raced from one activity to the next, I was over-stressed. I suspected that I was “in the thick of thin things.” (Anonymous)
This year, I wonder: Should I sign my boys up for sports? Should my daughter re-enroll for dance? Should I be willing to drive for an hour to see that my child has an excellent music teacher? All of these things are good, there is no doubt. But will all of these activities allow our family to eat together, play together, work together and learn together?
When my children are too busy, it is easy to skip even the basics – a made bed, a clean room, a chore, a decent meal, sleep, or time to just be together. The activity is good, but it could be preventing us from something better.
My life may be what the prophet Daniel saw when he described the last days: “…many shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall be increased.” (Daniel 12:4)
I seem to be running to and fro just about every day. Our family has great opportunities to choose from, but just because we can do something doesn’t mean we should.
“We live in a world that is filled with options. If we are not careful, we will find every minute jammed with social events, classes, exercise time, book clubs, scrapbooking, Church callings, music, sports, the Internet, and our favorite TV shows. One mother told me of a time that her children had 29 scheduled commitments every week: music lessons, Scouts, dance, Little League, day camps, soccer, art, and so forth. She felt like a taxi driver. Finally, she called a family meeting and announced, “Something has to go; we have no time to ourselves and no time for each other.” Families need unstructured time when relationships can deepen and real parenting can take place. Take time to listen, to laugh, and to play together.” (M. Russell Ballard, “Daughters of God,” Ensign, May 2008, 108–10)
I got some help prioritizing several months ago. I heard a talk given by Dallin H. Oaks, apostle of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (known as the Mormons). He noted that some things are good, some are better and some are best.
“We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families. (Dallin H. Oaks, “Good, Better, Best,” Liahona, Nov 2007, 104–8)
So what is “best”?
The best things are the things that endure forever – our relationships, our service to God and our fellowman, our knowledge and our character.
The best things “…seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness;” (Matthew 6:33)
I am coming to the conclusion that less is more. Dance is good, but a daughter who has time to do her homework, practice music, eat at home and get enough sleep may be better. Soccer is good, but doing family chores together on Saturday morning may be better. It will take some thought. We will choose carefully. Hopefully our choices will follow the counsel of the First Presidency of the Church:
“However worthy and appropriate other demands or activities may be, they must not be permitted to displace the divinely-appointed duties that only parents and families can adequately perform.” (First Presidency letter, Feb 11, 1999; printed in Church News, Feb 27, 1999, 3)
With Patience and Longsuffering
I read yesterday of a family with four children who were removed from an airline flight because of their noise and restlessness. One son had autism and a daughter had cerebral palsy. It was the childrens’ first flight. On another flight, a family was removed because their 3-year-old was crying. What surprised me the most about these stories was the enthusiastic “Kick them off and good riddance” chorus in the follow-up commentary.
Of course safety and respect for other passengers is warranted. But I think it shows a general intolerance our society has for anyone who annoys or irritates us.
I believe we are teaching by example the exact opposite of what we want our children to learn and to become. This intolerance is in opposition to the doctrine of Jesus Christ.
In Paul the apostle’s epistle to the Ephesians he encourages the Saints to act:
“With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love;” (Ephesians 4:2)
Paul then teaches the Collosians a similar doctrine:
“Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” (Collosians 3:13)
The author of this doctrine taught by Paul was the Savior, Jesus Christ. Christ had feelings of love and respect for children. They showed through His actions during His ministry.
“And they brought young children to him, that he should touch them: and his disciples rebuked those that brought them. But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God. Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein. And he took them up in his arms, put his hands upon them, and blessed them.” (Mark 10:13-16)
No doubt when He was teaching, there were children who were excited and fidgety. There were probably some who were wandering around, digging in the dirt with a stick or throwing rocks to while away the time. Some were probably tired or hungry. I am sure there were some who were crying or hanging on their mother’s skirt. He knows that this is who they are and what they do. His patience and love for the children was personal and great. His blessing for the children was not a group blessing, but an individual one for each child.
His example and counsel tells us that patience and forbearance are traits that should be developed. In a confined space with no where to go, airline travel may just be the most perfect place to acquire these traits. Perhaps we ought to “glory in tribulations; also knowing that tribulation worketh patience.” (Romans 5:3)
Children learn most by example. They repeat actions that are done to them. If we want kind and tolerant children, we must first show them kindness and tolerance and live the doctrine taught by the Savior. Prophet Gordon B. Hinckley (15th President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) stated:
“Teach your children goodness. Teach them civility toward others…Let there be taught in the homes of people that we are all children of God, our Eternal Father, and that as surely as there is fatherhood, there can and must be brotherhood. Let there be taught respect for womanhood and manhood. Let every husband speak with respect, kindness, and appreciation for his wife. Let every wife look for and speak of the virtues of her husband…Is this old-fashioned? Of course it is. It is as old as truth itself.” (Gordon B. Hinckley, “Four Simple Things to Help Our Families and Our Nations,” Ensign, Sep 1996, 2)
I can teach my own children good manners with love. I can practice patience and long-suffering when a child behind me on a flight kicks my seat or plays with the fold-down tray. When they are grown and airborne, I hope they will show me the same kindness if I snore or talk too much. My family can follow the counsel of Peter, the apostle, to develop a divine nature: through diligence, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, godliness, brotherly kindness and charity. (Peter 1:4-7)
The Growing Season
It’s the growing season and I’ve just planted my seeds in our garden. What a thrill to watch something so small grow into something so miraculous and productive.
It’s also a week before my kids are out of school for the summer. I take a deep breath and feel a pang of anxiety, wondering if I am ready for them to be home all day long. But I know that we will quickly settle into a summer routine and all will be well.
More than that, I know that summer is the perfect growing season for my children. It is a season of long stretches of unscheduled time. There are fewer deadlines and more rest. There are no organized sports or homework. It is not a time to listen to complaints of boredom (although I am sure I will hear that, too). Instead, it is the perfect time to plant a seed of potential and watch it grow for the next three months.
In a church talk on Sunday, the speaker discussed a belief of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (known as the Mormons). He noted that there are three things that we can take with us after this life is over: our learning and experience, church ordinances and our family relationships.
Learning lasts. In a book of scripture called the Doctrine and Covenants, it states:
Whatever principle of intelligence we attain unto in this life, it will rise with us in the resurrection. (D&C 130:18)
Learning becomes knowledge. Knowledge authors skill. Skill develops potential. Our children have untapped potential which is both earthly and divine. They can become anything and can do anything.
So how do we help our kids dig up that potential and get it to grow? One experience taught me what grows potential and what kills it.
One summer, I decided to follow a recommendation by a child development researcher who said that kids should become a neighborhood or family “expert” on something. This helps to develop skill and increase confidence.
I decided that it would be our summer project. I asked my children what they wanted to become an “expert” on, and my fourth grader chose computer animation.
Like a gardener who gives a plant basic elements to grow, I stood back and watched in amazement as he downloaded a free 30-day trial for the software, then bought the product with his own money, spent hours on online tutorials and mastered the Macromedia Flash product over the summer. His learning and endurance was shocking to my husband and me. He was willing to sacrifice everything he had to offer to learn this new skill.
The next summer, I asked the kids the same question. This time, I suggested that my son continue his Flash skill and learn to build web sites. I bought an online class for him and offered to hire a tutor. I asked him to build me a web site. He said he would, then sat down and played computer games for the next two weeks. Clearly, I had done something to kill the seed of potential.
Like the 5 elements for a plant: dirt, sun, air, water, and time, I learned that there are also 5 elements for the growth of potential.
A Supportive Environment (Dirt)
A supportive home environment is like dirt for potential. Parents don’t create the seed of passion-driven potential, but we can help it grow. Instead of ignoring or putting off the dreams, we can say “yes.” Asking questions and listening seems to be the right approach to get the seed planted at the right depth. Questions like “Tell me about your interest.” “How do you want to go about learning that?” “What can you do to help us fit that in to our schedule” and “How can we help?” works well.
Ownership (Sun)
Ownership is like the sun. Our Father in Heaven knows our need to make choices. Our earthly existence is based on this principle of agency. It is through these choices that we progress. We must remember that our children are doing the learning, not us. When we ask “Don’t you really want to learn about…?” or say “That looks cool. Can I learn it at the same time?” or “Tell me all about it. I want to hear every detail.” We are standing over them, blocking their light or are asking them to move over because we want to grow. When we encourage them to take ownership, they are in full sun.
Sacrifice (Air)
Reaching for their goal by sacrifice is the air they need to grow. When we want it so badly for them that we reach for them or over-help because we don’t want them to fail, we take away their air and smother them. We can give choices and allow them to define their own purpose. Because they have purpose, they will willingly sacrifice time, energy and money to develop their potential. Surprisingly, when they have purpose, it doesn’t seem like sacrifice or work to them.
Recognize Their Progress (Water)
When we recognize their progress, it is like pouring water on the seed. It encourages and fosters growth. If we show no interest or say nothing, we are drying them out. When we over-praise and say “That is the most incredible thing in the world I have ever seen. You are an amazing genius,” we are over-watering and flooding them out, weakening their root structure. When we say, “Wow. Smart thinking. Your initiative is impressive. I am interested in what you are learning. Tell me about it,” we are watering at the right amount.
Time
Just like a plant, potential needs time to grow. They need uninterrupted time to dig deeply into their subject. Summer is ideal. When we are rushed or overscheduled, they have no time to discover their passion. Likewise, if we offer non-stop entertainment, they will always be distracted. Without time to think, they can never consider or discover their potential. And when we watch over them constantly, it’s like pulling up the plant to see if the roots are growing.
With these 5 elements, our children can grow the seeds of potential. They can grow and learn. Their new skill prepares them for service – they have something they can contribute.
Their new knowledge and skills can be combined with faith in the Lord Jesus Christ to help them achieve both their earthly and divine potential. They can use their skills and knowledge to serve God and their fellow man.
Sheri Dew, former counselor in the Mormon women’s organization, tells us the importance of understanding our potential. We all have a divine mission and purpose, and no one can take our place.
“The Lord knows who we are, where we are, what our mission is, and what we need in order to accomplish that mission. Not only has He known us for a long, long time, He has loved us for a long, long time. We are here now because we are supposed to be here now. No one else can have the influence or do the good that we were prepared and foreordained to have and do. No one else can fulfill our individual missions.” (No One Can Take Your Place, Dew, 207)
This summer, I look forward to seeing something small grow into something miraculous. In my garden and at home, I am looking forward to this year’s growing season.