Teaching Values Begins in the Home
Gordon B. Hinckley, president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (or Mormon Church as it is commonly known), stated:
“The home is the seed bed of all true virtue. If proper values are not taught in the home, they are not likely to be taught at all” (from the pamphlet, 10 Ways to Teach Values in the Home).
The very first place a child is introduced to values is in the home. Depending on the priorities of the parents, different values will be stressed in each individual family. One family may focus first on service. Another family may be more concerned with courtesy. For others it may be courage, or honesty, or integrity. These are all fine values, and one is no more important than another.
In these days there is a growing number of children who are not being taught even the most basic of values. Perhaps there is no time, as one or both parents are called upon to work outside of the home. It could be the parents were not taught a proper value system, and don’t know where to begin with their own children. Whatever the reason my hope is to help bring a bit of direction through the pamphlet previously mentioned, “10 Ways to Teach Values in the Home” provided by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).
The younger your children are, the easier it will be to instill proper values in them. As they grow older it is still possible, but breaking bad habits becomes a part of the challenge.
Before we even get around to how to teach your children, you need to take stock of what your own values are. What things did your parents teach that still remain important to you today? From there think of what other values you’d like to teach your children. As we go through the 10 ways listed in the pamphlet, continue on in the areas that may not be mentioned here. If there are values you struggle with yourself, for example paying tithing, or sticking to a budget, or saying family prayer every night, make this an entire family effort.
The main point it to do it. If our children go astray, even after all we have done to train them up in the ways of the Lord, it will not be judged against us. However, if we have not done all we can for our children, we are the ones who will have to answer for it. Moses 6:54 (located in the Pearl of Great Price) testifies of this:
“…Wherein the sins of the parents cannot be answered upon the heads of the children, for they are whole from the foundation of the world.”
It may seem daunting, especially to those who were not taught themselves, or who have let many years slip by without instilling values in their children. I can promise you the blessings of starting from this point on will be extraordinary. It won’t come without challenges, but with the Lord’s help it will happen.
FHE Idea: Giving Thanks to Someone
Two simple words can make someone’s day. As silly as it sounds, those two words are ‘Thank You.’ It can be one of the most beautiful and heart-felt ways to make someone’s day. I’ve written about it before, but I want to encourage everyone to do this just once for Family Home Evening.
A few days beforehand, kneel down with your children to pray specifically about being inspired to think of someone who really needs a thank you. Encourage them to look around at church, think of a school teacher, a grandparent, a friend, or even another family member.
When you gather for FHE, ask each individual who he/she felt inspired to thank.
All you need:
· 3×4 note cards, can be bought in packs of ten or twenty, envelopes are included
· Stamps
· A pen
· Someone to write to
If your child is a little older, and knows how to write, feel free to let them go. It wouldn’t be a bad idea, however, to help them do a first draft on a piece of paper to help with grammar/spelling mistakes. With younger children who don’t know how to write yet, give them a partner (Mom, Dad or older sibling).
If you’re not too experienced with writing thank-you notes, here’s a good outline to follow:
1. Start with their name. Sounds pretty basic, right? This does, however, set the tone for the rest of the note. You can start with ‘Dear’ if it’s someone the writer knows well. If it’s someone from church begin with ‘Sister’ or ‘Brother’, especially if the recipient is older than the writer. It shows respect.
2. “I wanted to write and thank you…” This is typically a good way to begin the body of the note. It immediately brings the point across. You are welcome to put in why you’re feeling grateful, or you can save it for the next paragraph.
3. Here’s where you get to the good stuff. Whether it’s for something specific, or just because of the good person he/she is, now is when you get to gush about why you’re so grateful to have such a wonderful person in your life. Don’t hold back – the more you can fit in the better. There are few things in this world that can turn a frown upside down quicker than words of appreciation.
4. Now it’s time to sum it all up. In one sentence, maybe two if you still have room, express one more time your gratitude.
5. Last, but certainly not least, sign your name. If you’re writing to a family member, it can be just your first name. If it’s outside of the family put in both your first and last name. Feel free to add ‘Sincerely’ or ‘With love’, or try adding a little heart, smiley face, or flower to your signature.
If the card is done by a young child, give them a little space to draw or scribble a little picture, just so they can feel it’s really, truly their own. Let them lick and close the envelope. After you’ve addressed and stamped the note, it’s time to put it in the mailbox.
The great thing about writing thank-you notes is often the blessing goes both ways. Don’t be too surprised to find yourselves being thanked in return.
FHE Idea: Build a Thankful Tree
I wrote about this as an activity for youth last week, but it’s also a fantastic way to have some fun for a Thanksgiving Family Home Evening. The earlier in the month you do it, the more time your family can reflect on what they’re thankful for.
What you’ll need:
· Construction Paper – if you’re using 8 ½ x 11, use two or three brown sheets, depending on how big you want your trunk. Gather autumn colors for the leaves. I recommend green, red, orange, and yellow. One or two of each should be fine.
· Scissors
· Dark marker
· Leaves to trace
First things first: if you’re not much of an artist, find some leaves. Just one of each kind to use as a pattern will do. Make sure they’re big enough so when you’re ready, your paper leaves will have enough room to write on.
Feel free to do the tracing and cutting out beforehand, especially if your kids are smaller and you feel strangely reluctant to place lethal weapons (scissors) in their tiny hands. Use your leaves as a pattern for the first cut, and then feel free to utilize the first paper leaf as a pattern on the rest of your paper. Cut out lots and lots of leaves. The more leaves you make, the more things your family will have to think up.
With the brown paper find the most artistically gifted person in your house. Tape the brown pieces together and try to ‘form’ a trunk. Seeing as how my abilities to utilize the technical side of the Internet is sorely lacking, I can only encourage you to use nature as an example. Leave it a little wider on the bottom, don’t worry about the main part being too straight, and then branch out on top (Get it? ‘Branch’ out? Oh come on. It was funny!).
Don’t worry too much about the top of the tree as most of it will be covered by the leaves. With your marker draw a few curvy lines up and down the trunk to make it look a little more authentic.
Now for the fun part. Take your leaves and have each person take turns naming some one or some thing they are thankful for. Use up as many of your colorful leaves as your brains will allow for. Encourage them to think of family members, teachers, basics like house, food, etc. Don’t worry if you have some leaves left over. This gives your family the opportunity to go on thinking about what they’re grateful for over the next few weeks.
We love to put our Thankful Tree in the front window. Using clear tape we put up the trunk first, then fill it in with leaves. It’s a fun reminder every time we come home, and in a small way we’re trying to encourage others who might pass by to think about what they’re grateful for.
FHE Idea: All Families Are Connected
In continuing our play with the falling leaves, I’d like to do a similar activity to the one mentioned yesterday, but continue with a completely different message.
We’re All Connected
Once again begin your Family Home Evening as you normally do. I suggested a few songs in the last post. For those who didn’t see, they were: My Heavenly Father Loves Me (Whenever I Hear the Song of a Bird), or In the Leafy Treetops, or even It’s Autumntime. If you don’t have the Children’s Songbook on hand, or you’re unfamiliar with the words and music, these can be found online here. Just click on Music and go from there.
After your song, prayer, and scripture take everyone outside and have them each find a leaf from different trees. If it would be easier, take some time beforehand and look for one leaf for every family member, asking neighbors if it would be okay to take one from their yard. Choose ones that are fresh. You don’t want to crush the leaves when doing the project.
You’ll also need:
A white piece of paper for every family member
A crayon for every family member, stripped of the paper
Something hard (like a kitchen table or book) to work on
Tape
Once everyone has picked out his or her leaf, place it underneath the piece of paper. With your chosen crayon, use the long edge to do a rubbing of the leaf. To get a better ‘picture’, place the leaf bottom-side up so the ridges and veins are sticking up. The little ones might need a bit of help.
Now it’s time to contrast and compare.
First look for the big differences among the various leaves. For example: size, shape, how many pointed edges, etc. Then look at the similarities. For example: they all have a stem, they have a ‘main vein’ down the middle, other little veins branch out throughout the leaf, etc. Encourage everyone to take a look at the leaf itself to compare what’s the same and what’s not.
Just like each individual leaf, we all come from different families. Our friends have different last names, various hair colors and eye colors, might even be of a different race or religion. The rules and activities of each family will vary as well.
But just as all these leaves came from big, tall, beautiful trees (not bushes, not flowers), we all came from the same place as well. All of us are children of God. We all lived together in the pre-existence. We’re all trying to get to the same place, even though some families don’t know it yet.
Each of us has our own, special family tree, but we’re all a part of the same heavenly family.
Treat: try various ice cream flavors, emphasizing it’s all ice cream, but each flavor is unique.
FHE Idea: Each Family Member is Unique
With Autumn comes the yearly baring of branches. Now would be a good time to do a Family Home Evening utilizing some of those colorful falling leaves. I have two in mind, each similar in the activity but different in their message. Here is the first.
We Are Unique
Begin your Family Home Evening as you normally do. Song suggestions could be: My Heavenly Father Loves Me (Whenever I Hear the Song of a Bird), or In the Leafy Treetops, or even It’s Autumntime. If you don’t have the Children’s Songbook on hand, or you’re unfamiliar with the words and music, these can be found online here. Just click on ‘Music’ and go from there.
Take everyone outside and to choose their very own leaf from the same tree. Look for leaves that are fresh, with a nice, high ridge in the middle and good veins. You don’t want it to be crushed during the project, so the fresher the better.
You’ll also need:
A white piece of paper for every family member
A crayon for every family member, the paper stripped off
Something hard to do the activity on (like a book or the kitchen table)
Tape
Now for the project. Have everyone put their leaf underneath their paper, bottom-side up, so the veins are sticking up. Taking your crayon and do a rubbing of the leaf, turning the crayon on edge so you’re using it the long way instead of the tip (clear as muddy water?). Little ones might need a bit of help. For those feeling really ambitious, do a rubbing of the topside of the leaf as well.
Time to do some comparing. Look for similarities in everyone’s leaf: basic shape, size, big ridge in the middle, etc. Then look for the differences: the veins in the leaves vary, some leaves are a little bigger or smaller than another, etc. If it’s not easy to tell you might want to pull out the actual leaves and take a closer look.
Just like the leaves, we all have things in common. Discuss ways your family is similar. For example: We have the same last name. Some may have same colored hair/eyes/skin. We all like to eat pizza. These link us. We’re all from the same family tree. When you all agree on one, write it on your paper.
Also like these leaves, we all have things that are different from the other members of our family. These things make us special. These are our strengths. God gave us the special traits to help others in our family who might not have the same talents.
At this point go through and name something you think is very special about each member of your family, including your spouse and yourself. Write each child’s special trait on their paper as well.
Have everyone tape their leaf to their paper and put their names on. Then hang the papers on the fridge, or a bulletin board, or on their bedroom doors, as a reminder.
For a treat, you could make sugar cookies (or buy them if, like me, you have no sugar-cookie making abilities) and give the kids a chance to decorate it in their own special way.
FHE Idea: Playing With (and Cleaning Up) Autumn Leaves
I must have leaves on the brain. It might have everything to do with the growing piles building up on my front and back lawn day after day.
If it’s fairly nice weather outside, and you’re looking for a fun way to do Family Home Evening as well as getting rid of the leaves, consider getting everyone involved in building a few scarecrows.
Before you start gather some old clothes, long pants and long-sleeved shirts work best. You can use electrical ties, twine, or yarn to tie off the ends of the legs and arms, as well as the bottom of the shirt.
This is where you try to make work look like fun. With rakes in hand start bringing together big heaps of leaves. As you do the backbreaking part, let your kids shove the leaves into the clothes. Encourage them to stuff as many leaves in there as possible.
When the clothes are full to bursting it’s time to put your scarecrow together. You can arrange him on a yard chair, or lay him on the ground.
If you have a long stick (my boys find them like magnets to metal) loop some yarn through the belt loops and tie it to the stick. Do the same with the shirt (I recommend using a collared shirt, as you can loop the yarn or twine around the underside of the collar and tie it to the stick in back). As a finishing touch, find an old hat to put on top. You could even put a few pumpkins around him for added flavor.
If you’re not keen on keeping the clothes you can toss the whole thing after Thanksgiving. Otherwise you’ll still have some leaf cleaning to do.
Another good idea for leaves:
Take a look at your Halloween decoration aisle at the store. For pretty cheap they sell garbage bags which, when filled, will look like big Jack-o-lanterns. These work great for holiday decorating, and when you’re done you can toss them. I’ve even seen giant spiders you can stuff, as well as a scarecrow.
One more to grow on:
Before you begin tossing the leaves into bags and such, give your kids the chance to play! See how big a pile you can build and then let everyone have a chance to jump in. My own kids love to try and bury themselves in leaves, like you would sand at the beach. Take lots of pictures. Trust me. This is one experience you’ll want to remember.
Teach Kids to Make a Difference
Making a difference in someone’s life isn’t always done in grand and obvious fashions. Most often the people who make a significant difference in the lives of others do so in small and seemingly simple ways. On the fourth Saturday of every October this idea is celebrated on a national level. What a wonderful idea to honor, and what a great way to bring your family together in an activity everyone can enjoy.
Take some time out this week to do two things.
First, think about the people who have made any sort of a difference in your own life. Try to recall the feelings you experienced at their selfless gifts of love. How wonderful would it be to help make others feel that way as well?
One of my favorite memories involves my father. He worked quite a lot, trying to help make ends meet, and any time spent with him was truly treasured.
Sunday mornings were especially precious to me. He’d quietly sneak into my room, sit next to me on my bed, gather me up into his arms and then rock me awake. There’s something remarkable about being rocked awake. I loved it so much there were mornings I’d pretend to be asleep just to have those few minutes with my dad.
That one little act of love and kindness touched my life so much I now try to rock my children awake whenever possible. Of course it’s difficult to do with my daughter who, at nine, is almost as tall as I am and proves difficult to fit in my lap. It doesn’t help that she’s on the top bunk either, but I do what I can.
Next I’d like you to invite your children to take a look around them for the next week and try to find someone who might be in need of some help. It can be a neighbor, a friend from school, or even someone in your own home. Pray together about who you might be led to serve.
Here are just a few ideas for how your family can offer an act of kindness:
1. Yard Work: I know, those two words put together can clear a room of teenagers faster than announcing there’s free pizza outside. When done as a family with the right attitude, yard work can be a lot of fun. Keep the jobs age appropriate. Obviously your six-year old won’t be working a lawn mower, or using clippers to prune bushes. They can, however, help pull up weeds, make leaf piles (and play in them, just to make sure each pile is okay), and bag the leaves.
2. Bake something yummy: One of my family’s favorite things in the world to do is bake up some cookies, brownies, or cupcakes and find someone to take them to. Often we’ll write up a little note as well. These can easily be done anonymously, and the real fun comes in putting the treats on someone’s doorstep, knocking, and making a run for it. If the person you’re giving the goodies to is diabetic, consider putting together some stew or soup, or other sort of friendly meal.
3. If the weather is nasty and you can’t get outside, take some time to write a special note to someone you think might need it. Kids can color pictures for grandmas and grandpas, or church leader.
4. Look around your community. Are there ways your community can be served? My husband used to take our kids out with him, a few leftover grocery bags in hand, and walk around the neighborhood picking up garbage. My youth group helped plant trees in an area damaged by fire. There’s always something that can be done.
These are just a few ideas. Think about what might work for your own family.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is a church of service. It’s one of our most powerful missionary tools. If we begin to teach our children at a young age the joy in serving others, it will continue on with them throughout their lives.
Helping Kids Keep the Sabbath Day Holy
If your kids are anything like my kids, the first thing they want to do on Sunday morning is turn on the television. At our house, cartoon exposure tends to stop at our two local PBS stations, meaning what they normally watch is all educational. Unfortunately when they want to turn on these same shows on Sunday mornings, what should feel like an extra special day suddenly starts to feel like every other.
Keeping the Sabbath Day holy isn’t always the easiest thing in the world to do, especially when (at least in the LDS Church) meetings only lasts three hours.
I know, only three hours sounds like an oxy-moron, right? I don’t know about you all, but my kids like to get up around 7:30 in the morning and are up and going until my husband and I demand they go in their rooms at 7:00 at night. Subtract the three hours set aside for church attendance and we have eight and a half hours to fill. Puts it in a different perspective, doesn’t it?
Get this. My husband was called to be in the High Council a little over a year ago. His day typically starts at 6:30 in the morning when he gets up and going before his first meeting, and some Sundays will go until four in the afternoon. This means it’s my job to keep the kids in the right frame of mind for the majority of the day.
Keeping the Sabbath Day holy, especially with younger kids, doesn’t have to be the gut wrenching, panic-inducing, exhaustive labor we sometimes think it is. The first thing you need to do is start setting up a schedule. This can vary from family to family, especially when you factor in what time you go to church. For some meetings can start as early as nine o’clock in the morning, and for others it won’t begin until one or two in the afternoon.
Here a just a few suggestions to help keep the spirit of the day in tact:
1. Music. I love, love, love music, especially sacred music. Here in the Salt Lake valley we have a radio station that will play what I’ve dubbed “Sunday Songs” on the Sabbath. Much of the music played is by LDS artists. My kids know when we listen to the radio on the way to church, this particular station is the only thing that will be played. The only drawback is when the station has to go to commercial break.
It also helps to build a CD collection of sacred music: think Mormon Tabernacle Choir (I’m not their biggest fan, but do have particular favorites), Michael McLean, and Jericho Road. For more instrumental music I highly recommend both Jon Schmidt and Paul Cardall who write piano arrangements, as well as Steve Nelson, a new artist who plays extraordinary cello music. The Children’s Songbook (a collection of songs put together specifically for Primary) is on CD and is a great tool, especially as kids love to listen to other kids sing.
2. Set aside scripture reading time. Let your child pick out a story he or she would like to hear. Don’t be afraid to ask questions along the way, or to stop and explain things your child might not understand.
3. You don’t have to completely turn off the television. There are so many great movies put out by the LDS Church as well as movies with great messages to them (our family loves Veggietales). Pick out movies which will uplift your kids.
4. Give them this job while at church: have them look around during church meetings and pick out one person they’d like to write a note to or draw a picture for. Encourage them to pray beforehand about who they should choose. They can either do up the drawing during Sacrament Meeting, or you can set aside some time after church. These notes/pictures can either be sent out in the mail or you can take some time to deliver them in person.
Let your children know that Sunday is different from the rest of the week. It’s a commandment. Even if we see others choosing not to keep it holy, we should make the choice to follow the Lord and make Sunday a special day.
Treat Others with Kindness
How we deal with other people has always been a big thing at my house. At least once or twice a day the kid’s will hear something to the effect of, “Be nice to each other” or “Treat each other with kindness.” If I could open up my kids’ heads and cross-stitch this message to their brains, I would.
I think this attitude stems from my own growing up years. Not only was I a freckled redhead, but I had both glasses and braces as well. The three turned out to be a great combination for being teased and taunted by kids at school, though I couldn’t help any of it.
One cruel word can shape the mental picture a child has of his or her self. Often it can take twenty or thirty good words to undo the damage. Looking back on those growing up years, whenever I think of the kids who teased me, I do not think of them kindly. The wounds are still there, even if I’ve long ago forgiven them. Those same children have perhaps grown up to be wonderful adults. Unfortunately a few bad choices on their part made a lasting impression in my mind.
The good news is the exact opposite is true as well. There are kids from my childhood who I look upon with love. True friends who didn’t care what was on the outside; they were only concerned with the good person I was on the inside.
Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin once wrote, “Kind words not only lift our spirits in the moment they are given, but they can linger with us over the years.”
My nine-year old daughter, Michelle, came home from school one day and asked to talk. She had a friend, we’ll call her Ashley, who wasn’t always nice to those around her but always seemed to hang around.
“I don’t like it when she’s mean, Mom,” said Michelle. “And I can’t figure out why she tries to come around me all the time.”
“Why don’t you ask her?” I suggested.
She did. Michelle came home the very next day and asked to talk once again. Once again Ashley had been particularly clingy, and so Michelle asked Ashley why she wanted to be friends.
“Ashley said she likes me because I’m so nice,” said Michelle.
It didn’t come as much of a surprise to me though it seemed to amaze her. When I asked about her response, Michelle said she told Ashley, “I like you too. But you need to start being nicer.”
Why do we respond so eagerly to kindness? Elder Wirthlin said in his talk ‘The Virtue of Kindness’, “Kindness is how a Christlike person treats others.” When we’re being nice, we’re being like Christ. It really is as simple as that. When we use gentle words we are helping to build up his Kingdom. When we use mean words, we are tearing it down.
So now is the time to ask, “How do I want to be remembered?” Do we want to be the one who made others feel worse about themselves? Instead, let us strive daily to be counted among those whom others will look back and call a gentle, sweet, wonderful friend.