Children

The Fourth of July is one of our family’s favorite holidays. It includes a pancake breakfast in the mountains, a parade, a barbecue, homemade ice cream and a “Driveway of Fire” with the family. The celebration is inspiring and meaningful. It is spent with people we love. Across the country, it is what founding father John Adams expected it to be.

“It ought to be commemorated, as the Day of Deliverance by solemn Acts of Devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more.” (The Book of Abigail and John: Selected Letters of the Adams Family, 1762-1784, Harvard University Press, 1975, 142).

Our children love the parade. They love the ice cream and the fireworks. I am glad they love these things. But there is more to love. I want them to love the American heroes who showed true leadership through endurance and sacrifice. I want them to love the liberties of their country and understand how they are “…endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” (Declaration of Independence).

I want them to know that God and Country are inseparable and that their righteousness matters for the good of the United States of America. As John Adams pointed out:

“This pursuit of happiness of man, as well as his dignity consists in virtue.” (Thoughts on Government, John Adams)

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, (known as the Mormons) we believe that the founding of America was inspired and authored by God the Father through the work of these “wise men.” (D&C 101:77-80)

These men are heroes I want my kids to know and appreciate, not because of their great talents and skills (although they have many). I want my children to know their work because they all saw God's hand in their work. They acknowledged that their "inalienable" rights came from Him. They knew that only a righteous, virtuous society could enjoy the blessings of liberty.

Forget the basketball players or pop stars. These are the real American Idols I want my children to know. They are described well in the inspiring words of America the Beautiful:

“Oh beautiful for heroes proved In liberating strife,
Who more than self their country loved, And mercy more than life!” (America the Beautiful, Katherine Bates, Samuel Ward)

If our children get to know these American heroes, they will be more likely to follow the counsel of Ezra Taft Benson, Secretary of Agriculture for President Eisenhower and 13th President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. He said:

“We must…inspire in the lives of our children a love for eternal principles and a desire to seek out honorable men – the best possible – to stand at the head of our political governments, local, state, and federal. Only in this way can we safeguard the liberties which have been vouchsafed to us as our inalienable rights. Unless we do so, we may very easily lose them because of our indifference, because of our failure to exercise our franchise, because we permit men who are unworthy to rise to positions of political power.” (God, Family, Country, Benson, Deseret Book, 1974)

This summer, I want my children to learn the stories of these wise, steadfast, and talented men and women - true American Idols. I want them to study the scriptures that refer to the founding of this great nation. As their knowledge grows, so will their love for country, their gratitude for their Creator, and their desire to preserve the freedom they enjoy.

I have been awestruck by the recent account in the news of 18 Gloucester High School girls (mostly sophomores) getting pregnant, apparently excited at the prospect of having a baby on their own.

My heart aches for these unborn babies and for the mothers who know so little about what is to come. They offer their babies a life of insecurity and poverty; with an uneducated mother and no father. It is undeniable that these babies deserve more than these children can offer.

It is the world’s current state of morality that prompted the leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (known as the Mormons) in 1995 to write “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.”

In this sacred document, it states:

“God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife…The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.”

In an age where adults focus on their own rights and needs, true entitlement belongs to the children, who need both a mother and father to give them security, love, and parents who can both support the family economically and be there to tend to the child's physical, emotional and spiritual needs.

The high school provided in-school day care for girls who already had babies. Pathways for Children CEO Sue Todd noted “that some of the girls involved had been identified as being at risk of becoming teen mothers as early as sixth grade, when they began to request pregnancy tests in middle school. ‘What we've seen is the girls fit a certain profile,’ Todd said. ‘They're socially isolated, and they don't have the support of their families.’” (Glouster Pregnancy Plot Thickens, Time (online), Kathleen Kingsbury, June 23, 2008)

I heard commentators who were shocked by the situation. But I think we cannot be surprised at children making such decisions when they lack family support, love, instruction, attention and are under bombardment by television, movies, and books with constant messages: Intimacy outside the bonds of marriage is normal, single parenting is a personal choice to be applauded and fathers are optional.

The solution offered by many commenting is to provide birth control to these children. But the expectation is far too low. God the Father expects more. As Paul teaches the Corinthians:

“Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s."
(Corinthians 6:18-20)

Mormon apostle, Elder Jeffrey Holland, explains why sexual sin is so devastating:

“The body is an essential part of the soul. This distinctive and very important Latter-day Saint doctrine underscores why sexual sin is so serious. We declare that one who uses the God-given body of another without divine sanction abuses the very soul of that individual, abuses the central purpose and processes of life, “the very key” to life, as President Boyd K. Packer once called it (“Why Stay Morally Clean,” Ensign, July 1972, 113). In exploiting the body of another—which means exploiting his or her soul—one desecrates the Atonement of Christ, which saved that soul and which makes possible the gift of eternal life. And when one mocks the Son of Righteousness, one steps into a realm of heat hotter and holier than the noonday sun. You cannot do so and not be burned.” (Jeffrey R. Holland, “Personal Purity,” Oct 1998 Conference)

He goes on to describe the symbol of marriage:

“…human intimacy is reserved for a married couple because it is the ultimate symbol of total union, a totality and a union ordained and defined by God. From the Garden of Eden onward, marriage was intended to mean the complete merger of a man and a woman—their hearts, hopes, lives, love, family, future, everything….Can you see the moral schizophrenia that comes from pretending you are one, pretending you have made solemn promises before God, sharing the physical symbols and the physical intimacy of your counterfeit union but then fleeing all other aspects of what was meant to be a total obligation?"

How rare and how magnificent is this message.

I want to put my arms around those girls, not much older than my own daughter. I want to tell them how much they are loved by their Father in Heaven. I want to tell them they are daughters of God and can become more than they can now imagine. They do not have to expect a lower standard for themselves and for their children. They deserve a loving spouse. Their children deserve a loving father. They can have an eternal marriage. It is worth the sacrifice and the wait. The commandments are here for our happiness and eternal joy.

I cry for these children and for their their future children. They both can have so much more.

I started working when I was 14 years old. Unlike any part or full time job I’ve ever had, motherhood is a completely unique occupation.

Most mothers know that their work is important. Of course it is. It is a basic belief of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (known as the Mormons) that mothering matters deeply.

“We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.” (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)

So why is contentment in mothering such a rare commodity in today’s world? On a radio show, I hear a TV producer say that she would go completely crazy if she had to stay home full-time with her kids. Another friend’s husband jokes that his wife needs to get back to work after the birth of their second child to “do her part” to support the family. A neighbor says she looks forward to going back to work on Monday because the weekend with her young children is so exhausting. A friend repeats the oft-heard question, “But what about YOU?” implying that mothering isn't personally rewarding. It's true that the laundry pile and meal preparation can feel tedious. And some days I wonder if I’ve made a difference taking my son to cello or if my daughter really cares who makes her a sandwich. Finding a rare moment to myself usually involves locking the bathroom door (often to hear pounding on the other side). Yes, becoming a content mother can be a true struggle.

But I know mothers who are content. They do not live problem-free or perfect lives, but they are happy, satisfied and joyful. They take satisfaction and pride in their work. They are confident and at peace with their choices. I want to know their secrets because I want to love being a mother. I want to feel content and fulfilled while I’m living every busy minute of mothering. I have watched and tried to learn from the wise mothers around me. So far, I have uncovered four secrets that only content mothers seem to know:

Secret #1 – Content mothers know what they do
A CEO describing his job would say, “I run a major corporation.” He would not sheepishly answer, “Well, I answered a lot of email today.” Content mothers know that they are co-partners that create, sustain and develop human life. There is magnificence, power and eternal glory in this statement. Our first mother, Eve, was hailed as the “mother of all living”. (Genesis 3:20)

Without mothers, creation of all living ceases. Our Creator gives us the privilege of creating the most renewable, the most vital, the most productive and the most regenerating commodity on earth: human life. He graciously gives most of the human family this opportunity to share His creative power. He does not ask us to pass a test, earn more than 50K per year or have a Bachelor's degree to be a mother. He gives this honor and gift freely, wanting most of His children to participate in the creative process. And because He gives it so freely, it seems common. We easily forget its miraculous significance.

Content mothers know that human hands can create art, buildings, and businesses, but mothers build a human life at its core. Both parents teach, but our Father in Heaven has designated mothers to be special teachers in the lives of their children.

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."(The Family: A Proclamation to the World)

With unique nurturing abilities, a mother’s daily influence teaches a child to speak, read, eat, love, listen, share, work, and act with integrity. We teach respect of self, of others and of property. We teach basic beliefs about religion, ethics, self-perception, and how to find happiness.

Content mothers know that we can fix a broken bridge after an earthquake, re-start a failed business, or re-paint a work of art if it gets damaged. But once we build our human family, we cannot re-create it or recapture our time. Our early work is permanent and not easily repaired. We have created a living, vibrant being from the ground up and the impact of our work is multi-generational. Once our children are grown, what we have done during the teaching years is in their hearts and minds forever.

Content mothers believe the words of 9th LDS Church President, David O. McKay:

“The home is the first and most effective place for children to learn the lessons of life: truth, honor, virtue, self-control; the value of education, honest work, and the purpose and privilege of life. Nothing can take the place of home in rearing and teaching children, and no other success can compensate for failure in the home.” (Family Home Evening Manual 1968–69, p. iii.)

When mothers really understand the significance and impact of what they do, they are quietly confident. They know that they are a moral leavening agent, lifting others around them. They are content because what they do matters immensely. Mothers have created the foundation for the human experience.

“When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses?" (Neal A. Maxwell, “The Women of God,” Ensign, May 1978, 10)

Secret #2 – Content mothers don’t compare
Content mothers know that comparing brings despair. Looking at the mother next door will always make us feel that our life is not exciting enough, or personally enriching enough or financially rewarding enough. We will never be “enough” when we compare.

Content mothers do not try to “outdo” other mothers. They know that pride is at the core of comparisons.

“Pride is essentially competitive in nature….Would we not do well to have the pleasing of God as our motive rather than to try to elevate ourselves above our brother and outdo another? (Ezra Taft Benson, “Beware of Pride,” Ensign, May 1989, 4)

Content mothers feel the natural pull of comparisons, but consciously reject them. In daily life, they avoid the common mistake of using business standards to compare or measure their value. Jobs make measuring “results” easy. The business world values revenues achieved, products manufactured, efficiencies gained.

Mothering values the opposite of “results”: service rendered, love given, time spent, relationships forged. Content mothers know that results take time to measure and that their measurement is eternal in scope. What they do exceeds any business measurement in breadth, depth, and length. Content mothers know that measuring mothering success by business standards is like measuring water with a ruler.

“After all, to do well those things which God ordained to be the common lot of all man-kind, is the truest greatness. To be a successful father or a successful mother is greater than to be a successful general or a successful statesman.” Success in an occupation—even a lofty one—is only temporary, President Smith concluded, whereas success as a parent is “universal and eternal greatness.” (Gospel Doctrine, 5th ed. Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1939, p. 285.)

I once asked my sister how she measured her mothering success when she could not guarantee how her children would turn out. She answered simply, “I measure my success by how I am becoming more like the Savior, Jesus Christ every day.” My sister is a content mother who doesn’t compare.

Secret #3 – Content mothers know the basics
Content mothers know that fatigue and hunger make both kids and moms cry. They know that sleep, diet and exercise must be a priority to function (at all).

In their families’ schedule, they follow the advice of apostle Elder Dallin H. Oaks to prioritize and be wise in their scheduling choices.

"We should begin by recognizing the reality that just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it. The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives." (Dallin H. Oaks, “Good, Better, Best,” Liahona, Nov 2007, 104–8)

They know they cannot “run faster than they have strength.” (Mosiah 4:27)

Secret #4 – Content mothers know what brings happiness
Content mothers reject the loud and constant cry of the world that personal fulfillment comes through work or projects outside of the home. They know that there are enough circumstances (death or illness of a spouse, divorce, economic hardship, etc.) that will require outside work. Extra support from family members and God is required for these mothers who have an added burden. They know that outside care may be a necessity, but they do not fool themselves into thinking that outside caregivers can offer the same level of care, development and love that they can.

Content mothers continue to educate themselves. They learn a language, play an instrument, create a web site, write a book, get a degree, teach a class, volunteer, or do a hundred other things. They enjoy and use their talents and bless the lives of their children in the process, but they know when to pull back if their family needs them. They know life is not to be lived in one day.

Content mothers control their days. They know they can ignore the dishes for a week if they want. They can also teach a four-year-old the name of every bone in the body if they want. The knowledge of their autonomy has power, and content mothers know "If it is it be, it's up to me."

Content mothers know they need feedback, but they will not see a “mother of the month” plaque in the living room in July. There will not be a bonus in August or a raise in December. They will not ask their children for a performance review unless they want to hear, “Good job, Mom. We want more candy.” Content mothers ask spouses for support and encouragement, but create their own report cards to measure their progress. They use prayer to get feedback and direction from the only source that really matters, a loving Father in Heaven.

Most of all, content mothers follow the example of the Savior, Jesus Christ.

"Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many." (Matthew 20:28)

Like Christ, they know that men and women of true personal greatness give unending service at great personal sacrifice.

These women are smart, savvy and wise. I look to their example and notice that when I bring children to the earth, I have created a legacy. By teaching them, I have learned true and correct principles. By treating them with an increase in love, I have become more Christlike. Through my service, I have begun to refine myself. As a content mother-in-training, I look to the words of 15th LDS Church President, Gordon B. Hinckley for inspiration:

"God bless you, mothers. When all the victories and defeats of men’s efforts are tallied, when the dust of life’s battles begins to settle, when all for which we labor so hard in this world of conquest fades before our eyes, you will be there, you must be there, as the strength for a new generation, the ever-improving onward movement of the race.” (One Bright Shining Hope. Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2006 pg 18)

In the last three blogs, we’ve been trying to solve the puzzle of balance between being too lenient or too strict as a parent. This last blog talks of what we might think of as being “strict” – responsibility for our choices and consequences.

Mormon apostle Boyd K. Packer tells us that knowledge, choice and responsibility are indeed the three pieces of the parenting puzzle:

“There is no true freedom without responsibility, and there is no enduring freedom without a knowledge of the truth.” “Agency and Control,” Ensign, May 1983, 66.

When we start talking about consequences, we wonder “What is too strict? What is not strict enough?” These hard questions stump most parents, including me. I believe that the words of our Father in Heaven are the only balanced answer. Even with His words, actually doing it right at home is a continual learning curve and work-in-progress.

Figuring out consequences starts with a basic: We have the freedom to choose, but there are good and bad outcomes for those choices:

“…the righteous judgment of God; Who will render to every man according to his deeds: To them who by patient continuance in well doing seek for glory and honour and immortality, eternal life: But unto them that are contentious, and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, indignation and wrath, Tribulation and anguish, upon every soul of man that doeth evil, of the Jew first, and also of the Gentile; But glory, honour, and peace, to every man that worketh good, to the Jew first, and also to the Gentile: For there is no respect of persons with God. (Romans 2:5-11)

Obviously, our Father in Heaven wants us to choose the good. In the movie, Meet the Robinsons, the innovating father’s motto is “Keep Moving Forward.” Our eternal Father’s motto is the same. Keep improving. Keep overcoming. Keep becoming more like Him. Keep your eye on the target of eternal life – eternal life with Him. Mistakes are inevitable and a way has been provided to overcome these errors, but “Keep Moving Forward.”

His goal is progression, not punishment. He knows that when we obey natural laws, we reap blessings:

If we eat well and exercise, we can prevent disease and can enjoy good health.
If we are honest in our relationships, we gain credibility and trust.
If we stay out of debt and save a little, we have mental peace and a financial backup plan.

It’s the same for our children:

If they are kind to siblings, they form loving relationships.
If they are honest with parents, they earn trust and greater freedoms.
If they clean their rooms, they have a peaceful environment and a happy mother.

But we are going to make mistakes and so will our children. What does our Father in Heaven do when we make intentional or unintentional mistakes? He walks us through three steps: Stop, Repent, Keep Moving Forward.

Stop
When we start making mistakes, we may not even know it. A bad consequence makes us stop and take notice of what we were doing. We may experience the bad consequence of breaking a natural law, or our Father may place in front of us what he calls a “stumbling block.” Either way, things stop going smoothly. We are in discomfort or pain. We feel guilt. We lose the companionship of the Holy Ghost (Mosiah 2:36). He does not want to support our bad behavior and allow us to think our actions are fine. He knows where we are headed and wants to get our attention before we get too far down the path.

For behold, the Lord hath said: I will not succor my people in the day of their transgression; but I will hedge up their ways that they prosper not; and their doings shall be as a stumbling block before them. (Mosiah 7:29)

When our kids are making mistakes, they may hit a bad consequence by breaking a natural law, but sometimes that consequence is pretty far off. A ten-year-old is going to have a hard time seeing the consequence of not building good homework habits. Parents can initiate “stumbling blocks” of their own.

Stop computer or TV time if the homework is not getting done.
Stop playing with a friend if treatment of a sibling is unkind.
Stop extra activities for a time if chores are not completed at home.
Stop their activity if they are screaming or throwing a tantrum.

Like our Father in Heaven, we can also take away extra support that we are giving:

Stop providing financial assistance for irresponsible spending.
Stop providing electronic devices for entertainment instead of study
Stop offering cars or insurance for reckless driving.

But isn’t this “harsh”? It is only becomes harsh if we make one critical mistake. If we think that this step alone changes behavior, we will get stuck here. We will be surprised when the behavior doesn’t change and even gets worse. We may say we are “not getting through” to them and think they need stronger, more severe consequences. They may get more angry as they feel their choices being taken away. If we end here, we give out punishments without an ultimate purpose.

If your 3-year-old colors on the wall with markers, you may take away the markers (a “Stop”). If you do nothing else and they do it again, you may take away the markers and put them in time out. (A double “Stop”) If done again, you may throw the markers away, put them in time out, and send them to bed early.(A triple “Stop.”).

But this escalation in “consequences” misses a big point. The “Stop” step can raise awareness, but it usually does not change behavior. The next step seeks to change behavior by changing the thinking that causes the behavior in the first place.

Repent
When our Father has our attention, He then asks us to repent. The word “repent” comes from a Greek word that means “change of mind" (i.e. a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world.”) (BD)

He doesn’t want to take away our blessings. What He is trying to do is change our thinking to become more like His. He wants us to understand truth and natural laws. He wants us to know, as Einstein did, that there are governing, unchhangeable principles at work.

"Ethical axioms are found and tested not very differently from the axioms of science. Truth is what stands the test of experience," Albert Einstein

This is where love and listening are key. Parents sometimes mistakenly assume we know what our children are thinking. Unless we spend some time listening, we may be really off the mark.

One day my 5-year-old son was throwing a fit about going to a piano lesson. I assumed he didn’t want to go to the lesson. I could see a battle of wills in the making. Instead of making him get in the car anyway, I decided to take the time to really understand and practice some active listening skills I had just learned. After asking some open-ended questions, I was shocked. He was really upset because the day before I had promised ice cream after a doctor’s visit and hadn’t followed through. After we resolved the issue, he went to the lesson cheerfully. I assumed I knew his thinking, but I really had no clue until I asked some questions and listened.

Thoughts drive behavior. To change the behavior of our children we need to first understand their thinking. We find the holes in their logic or the misunderstanding of a principle. Then we can teach truth, a new way of thinking and what to do next.

“There are several vital steps to repentance. Each is essential for complete forgiveness. President Joseph F. Smith identified some of these steps this way: “True repentance is not only sorrow for sins, and humble penitence and contrition before God, but it involves the necessity of turning away from them, a discontinuance of all evil practices … a thorough reformation of life, a vital change from evil to good … to make restitution, so far as … possible, for all the wrongs we have done. … This is true repentance, and the exercise of the will and all the powers of [the] body and mind is demanded, to complete this glorious work of repentance.” 6 (Richard G. Scott, “The Path to Peace and Joy,” Ensign, Nov 2000, 25–27)

The 3-year-old wall artist can have the markers removed, but can also be taught to have a change in thinking and in doing. “Do you like having a clean house? Me too! We color on paper so we can keep our house clean. I would love to keep your pictures and keep our house clean.” He can help clean up the mess to experience full repentance.

Replacing a damaged toy, apologizing for bad language, and re-planting flowers destroyed in a neighbor’s yard are all ways parents can walk their children through the steps of repentance. The focus then moves from punishment to restitution and includes a hope of becoming better.

Repentance is a glorious gift made possible by the Atonement of the Savior, Jesus Christ. Only He can help us to fix the violation of natural laws and ultimately overcome our weaknesses. If we are willing to repent, we are able to move forward as quickly as we are able:

Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more. (D&C 58:42)

Keep Moving Forward
Before, during and after repentance, our Father in Heaven never ceases to point out the positive. He stresses the joy, blessings and happiness that come from obedience.

When His prophets preach repentance, they never fail to mention the redeeming power of the Atonement and the ability we have to overcome and “Keep Moving Forward.” The words of God are optimistic, happy and hopeful.

“The glorious thing about the whole matter of repentance is that the scriptures are as full of the Lord’s assurances that he will forgive as they are full of his commands for us to repent, to change our lives and bring them into full conformity with his wonderful teachings.

God is good. He is eager to forgive. He wants us to perfect ourselves and maintain control of ourselves. He does not want Satan and others to control our lives. We must learn that keeping our Heavenly Father’s commandments represents the only path to total control of ourselves, the only way to find joy, truth, and fulfillment in this life and in eternity.” (Spencer W. Kimball, “The Gospel of Repentance,” Tambuli, Mar 1983, 1)

I find it overwhelming that He always invites us to come back and enjoy the blessings He so willingly offers. Even if our behavior is terrible, He never sends us away and neither should we send our children away or give up on them.

He doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world; for he loveth the world, even that he layeth down his own life that he may draw all men unto him. Wherefore, he commandeth none that they shall not partake of his salvation. Behold, doth he cry unto any, saying: Depart from me? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; but he saith: Come unto me all ye ends of the earth, buy milk and honey, without money and without price… he hath given it free for all men; and he hath commanded his people that they should persuade all men to repentance. (2 Nephi 26:24-27)

We can remain positive and hopeful with our kids:

“Your picture is so nice. I want to hang it on the wall so I can see it for a long time. I love the way you kept our house so clean.”
“I know you can do this. You will be so happy when you are done!”
"Hang in there. You are working hard for..."
“I like the way you…”
“I noticed how well you…”
“How can I help you?”

They can know that the blessings are worth every good choice. We can point our children to the redeeming power of the Savior that enables them to “Keep Moving Forward.”

My last blog talked about the fire of free will – the power, intensity and capacity that our children have to choose. We are thrilled when they choose well and sad or frustrated when they choose poorly.

We try to help them in their choices as best we can, but find that it can be a challenging puzzle. When are we helping them too much or too little in their choices? One friend commented,

“I am strict in enforcing rules until I get too tired, then I let the kids do what they want until there is so much chaos I can’t stand it any more, then I get strict again.”

I think all we all flip between the extremes at some point, neither extreme feeling right.

So how do we find the balance? Our questions are real. Are we giving too much freedom or not enough? Are they mature enough to handle a choice? How do we come up with a consequence? How long do we wait to enforce a consequence? How do we guide them to choose well?

After searching professional parenting material, I saw good advice, but never a complete solution to this puzzle. Sometimes I found pieces, but never could figure out how they fit with the others. Still, some of the pieces seemed to be missing.

Searching the scriptures gave me a more complete view of the answers and how they fit together. Looking to Heavenly Father’s words and dealings with His children showed patterns that could be applied in my own family. I found words of the prophets as they taught their own families the principles of success and saw a parenting mentor in the example of God’s Son, Jesus Christ.

I take great comfort knowing we are not left alone to create family law from scratch. It is exhausting to try. God is a perfect leader and has created a perfect law. Our Creator gives us three major pieces to the parenting puzzle, conditions that give us maximum choice but conditions that help to keep those choices on the right track. They are:

1. Knowledge
2. Choice
3. Responsibility

When we understand the pieces and how they fit together, we can start to apply them in our own families. Finding the pieces takes effort. Fitting them together takes trial and error. Our kids are not the only ones with much to learn.

The next few blogs will discuss the pieces of the puzzle. As we talk of each piece, your ideas are welcome and valuable. We can help each other put knowledge into action.

For someone who was so perfect, I can imagine being around those who were so close to perfection themselves brought Christ much joy. He loved the little children. We have record of this in the Bible.

In Luke chapter eighteen we find parents bringing their infants to Christ. I know if I’d had the opportunity to watch my child interact with the Savior I would certainly not want to pass it up. The Lord’s disciples tried to shoo the parents away. Perhaps they thought there were more important things for the Savior to attend to, or perhaps they didn’t want to tire Him. I don’t know. Christ’s response goes a long way to showing how precious children truly are to Him.

“But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God” (Luke 18:16).

In those few words we are taught the qualities reminiscent of heaven. We are invited to become childlike. Do not mistake this for acting childish. There is a big difference.

What are childlike qualities? We can find some incredible examples in the Book of Mormon, another testament of Christ.

“For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father” (Mosiah 3:19).

Children are submissive. Okay, perhaps most children are submissive. I can’t say this is true of every child, but for my own children I’ve noticed the ages between three and five are very submissive. When I ask them to do something I rarely get whining, or arguing, or indifference. If I say we can’t get a special treat from the store, they understand I would if I could, but that there are reasons I can’t at that moment.

Children are meek. They crave peace and a happy heart. Certainly the natural man has tendencies towards violence and selfishness, but the natural man does not control our bodies. Our spirits do. In all their innocence children are not inclined to hurt without provocation. Even my youngest, who’s not yet two, would rather give kisses and hugs than willfully hurt a member of her family.

Children are humble. They need constant uplifting words to help them realize just how wonderful they truly are. But they never let their successes go to their heads. They are just as excited when others succeed.

Children are patient. Of course some are more patient than others. Have you ever asked your child to hang on “for just a minute,” only to remember they had asked something of you three hours later? Though they may pester you about something repeatedly, they are willing to “hang on” until the moment is right.

Children are full of love. I’d like to write that again. Children are full of love! Their entire lives revolve around being loved and loving others. They crave it. They long to give it. One of my children will take every opportunity to tell me he loves me. He does it through word and touch. I know it’s how he feels love the most, and so I try to let him know how much I love him in much the same way.

Children willingly submit to all things the Lord asks of them. My children have seen an awful lot of death in their short lives. Though they may not understand all of the reasons why, they are often the ones telling me that it’s okay. Heavenly Father knows what He’s doing. Children don’t always need to know the reasons. Think about how often they submit to our everyday requests. For the most part I am not asked to explain my reasons for wanting them to hold my hand in the parking lot, or why they should clean up their plate after dinner. Do we, as children of God, willingly submit to the Father when He asks us to do something we don’t understand?

In our efforts to become more like Christ, let us not ignore those beautiful qualities we see in our own children. They are, after all, such as the kingdom of God.

There’s nothing like a hug to help someone feel loved, especially a child. What better day to talk about the magic a hug can produce than on National Hugging Day.

Okay so it may not actually be a national holiday, as an act of Congress is the only way to come by those. It certainly hasn’t stopped us from officially celebrating this on January 21st since way back in 1986.

My oldest child is a champion hugger, just ask anyone who attends our ward (the word for a large congregation in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or Mormon Church). There are those who can hardly wait for their weekly hug. My daughter gives these to impart to others her love. This sweet spirit of God has truly been given a gift when it comes to sharing her hugs.

Why is it one such simple act can be so completely endearing? Why set aside a whole day dedicated to the act?

I believe it all has to do with love, even in the smallest amount. You cannot wrap your arms around another being without sending over a bit of love. Neither can one feel unmoved by the gift of a gentle embrace.

I have seen the magic it can work on a despairing or frightened child, a grieving or sorrowful heart, or in dispelling the mental clouds of a gloomy day. A hug is the quickest way to share in the joy of another, to express how much you’ve missed someone long gone, or to tell another they are one of the most precious things in your life.

Have you ever felt the power two little arms of a child can have? My most favorite hugs come from my children, for I know they are never given hesitantly. Whenever I am blessed to feel their embraces, my world becomes a little brighter, my load in life a little lighter. I cannot accept a hug from one of them without wishes to return the favor wholeheartedly.

If you’re not comfortable with hugging, I say practice. Someone so very dear to my heart once told me he grew up not knowing if his father even loved him. The father never touched his children except in anger. He never said those three vital words every child longs to hear. One hug, he has said, would have gone so far to let him know he was loved, even just a little.

This man didn’t want his own children to grow up in such a home. Due to the bad example of his father, he wasn’t very comfortable with hugging, or other expressions of love, but he practiced every day. At times it was a struggle to break free of his father’s influence, but I can testify to you he is now one of the most huggable men I know. I have watched him with his children, who are all now grown, and none of them can be in doubt as to his love. They all receive a hug when they walk in the door, and another when they leave.

If you want children who can express love, teach them by example. My youngest is quite a mimic, even at a mere 1 ½ years old. At times she’s so funny copying her older brothers and sister, as well as Dad and I, and at others we find it’s necessary to watch ourselves in front of her.

“A child learns more by imitation than in any other way. Don’t we all? And the persons he imitates most blindly and trustingly are bound to be his parents” – George Sanderlin.

So on this day find someone to hug, especially a child. Celebrate the magic of a simple hug. Give one to each member of your family. Give one to your most favorite friends. Share a bit of your love with others.

Every year the general (worldwide) leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (otherwise known by the nickname “Mormons”) put together a theme to help bring Primary children (age 3-11) closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus. For 2008 the theme is “I Am a Child of God” and the scripture is taken from Psalm 82:6, “All of you are children of the most high.”

This theme and scripture are part of a booklet provided to Primary leaders to help guide them through the year in the lessons and songs they are to put together for the children. (For more on the Primary organization please visit "What Is Primary.") The first thing we read in the booklet is a message to each Primary Presidency. I’d like to share with you a portion of this message.

“This year we will be helping each Primary child gain a testimony that he or she is a child of God…Our Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us. It includes the love and redeeming power of our Savior Jesus Christ, restored gospel truths, family, covenants, and temple blessings…They will learn to pray, keep the commandments, make and keep covenants, and express gratitude in word and deed. As leaders…you will be able to teach from the scriptures, bear testimony, and be an example.”

Included in this booklet we can find instructions and ideas for ‘Sharing Time,’ which is time set aside for the presidency to teach a quick lesson to the children. Each month has a separate theme to help magnify that of the year. For example, September’s Theme is ‘I can pray to Heavenly Father, and He will hear and answer my prayers.’ To help clarify this we have a scripture found in the Book of Mark.

“Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them” (Mark 11:24).

Next the leaders are given weekly gospel principles. In week one we read: “I learn about prayer from the scriptures (Matthew 6:9-15; Enos 1:1-18; D&C 88:63; Joseph Smith – History 1:14-20; Primary 7, lesson 11).” These help guide the leaders in what they are to teach the children for that week. Leaders can look for additional help in the Friend magazine, where other sharing time ideas are provided.

Along with guidelines for sharing time throughout the year, the leaders are also given guidelines for a Sacrament Meeting presentation (Sacrament Meeting is our main meeting where we all gather together to bless and partake of the Sacrament, as well as receive further instruction by fellow members and leaders). Once a year the leaders, teachers, and children of the Primary are invited to put together a special presentation all their own, centered around the main theme. Each child is given a chance to participate with a speaking part as well as songs they have learned throughout the year. For the most part these songs come from the Children’s Songbook, though many also come from our Hymnbook as well.

The presentation is probably my favorite of the entire year. There is something so amazing about watching children as young as three and four, going up to eleven, working so hard and feeling so pleased with themselves when it’s all over. Standing up in front of a congregation can be intimidating for adults. To watch our little ones find the courage to state such basic truths not only helps to strengthen their testimonies, they remind us about the beauty of our gospel as well.

Have you ever taken a walk with a child, either to school, around the block, or just for a little saunter down the street? Have you noticed they have to stop and look at every single weed, rock, and bug you pass? While most of us as adults would rather get to our destination as quickly as possible, I think it’s important for us to once in a while stop and share in the joy of the world God has created for us.

January is the official month to “Celebrate Life.” Ironically I recently gave a lesson about the importance of life in my Young Women class (girls 12-17 in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, otherwise known as Mormons). In it President David O. McKay, a former leader of our church, relates a story about Helen Keller.

“Have you ever read Helen Keller’s comment on a girl who had just taken a walk in the woods, who in answer to Helen’s question, ‘What did you observe?’ replied, ‘Nothing in particular.’

“ ‘How is it possible,’ Helen asked herself, ‘to walk for an hour through the woods and see nothing worthy of note? I, who cannot see, find hundreds of things to interest me through mere touch. I feel the delicate symmetry of a leaf. I pass my hands lovingly about the smooth skin of a silver birch, or the rough shaggy bark of a pine. In the spring I touch the branches of trees hopefully in search of a bud, the first sign of awakening Nature after her winter’s sleep. Occasionally, if I am very fortunate, I place my hand gently on a small tree and feel the happy quiver of a bird in full song.

“ ‘At times my heart cries out with longing to see all these things with physical eyes, but if I can get so much pleasure from mere touch, how much more beauty must be revealed by sight. And I have imagined what I should most like to see if I were granted the use of my eyes—even for just three days!’ ” (“Lesson 32: The Importance of Life,” Young Women Manual 2).

I love nature passionately, and find myself frequently looking to it when I need peace, comfort, or the joy of beauty. I especially love to take a short walk to a particular overpass (a road that leads over a highway) where I can see much of the Salt Lake Valley. The mountains to the east or the west, whether in summer or winter, frequently take my breath away. Sunset is perhaps my favorite time, especially as myriads of colors splash the mountains, drenching them in pinks, yellows, and purples. I love to see the way the clouds are painted in brilliant orange, complimented by the darkening blue sky behind. I especially love that if you blink, it has all changed, becoming something even more remarkable.

God gave us this world because he loves us. We can read this in Doctrine and Covenants 59:16-20.

"Verily I say, that inasmuch as ye do this, the fulness of the earth is yours, the beasts of the field and the fowls of the air, and that which climbeth upon the trees and walketh upon the earth; Yea, and the herb, and the good things which come of the earth, whether for food or for raiment, or for houses, or for barns, or for orchards, or for gardens, or for vineyards; Yea, all things which come of the earth, in the season thereof, are made for the benefit and the use of man, both to please the eye and to gladden the heart; Yea, for food and for raiment, for taste and for smell, to strengthen the body and to enliven the soul. And it pleaseth God that he hath given all these things unto man; for unto this end were they made to be used, with judgment, not to excess, neither by extortion" (italics added).

God wanted us to have the good things of this world because it pleaseth Him. He charges us to treat these things with judgement. We must be cautious in how we use the good things of this earth.

There is another part of life that can bring us so much more joy than the things of this earth. I have five of my own, though one passed on just after his birth. My children are the greatest joy of my life. They are the reason I continue in my goal to be a good parent, a good wife, and a good daughter of God. As I look at my children I realize how much of a gift they are, entrusted to me by my Heavenly Father to raise them with love, understanding, and patience. I take joy in their little accomplishments, knowing I played a part in helping learn something new.

If we are to treat this earth with judgement, taking care of it and the creatures upon it, how much more important is it for us to rear our children in the ways of God? How much more precious must they be in His his sight?

Take the opportunity to behold not only the little ones in your life, but the world they are fascinated with, and join in the celebration of life this month.

It’s a pleasant moment for any parent or guardian to find their child (or children) choosing to do something right. It is especially sweet when it's the result of our own example and teaching. Too often parents allow school, television, or other leaders to help rear their children.

"The Lord has placed this duty with mothers and fathers. It is one from which we cannot escape and one that cannot be delegated. Others may help, but parents remain accountable. Therefore, we must guard the sanctity of our homes because that is where children develop their values, attitudes, and habits for everyday living" (M. Russell Ballard, “Teach the Children,” Ensign, May 1991).

It is in the home children gain their first insights into how we should treat one another. My little 1 1/2 year old mimics almost everything we do. At times this is quite funny. Other times it's an eye-opener. It has certainly made me pay much more attention to how I treat my children.

"What a beautiful place this world will be when every father and mother see the importance of teaching their children the principles that will help them be happy and successful. Parents teach best when they lead by good example; govern their little ones with patience, kindness, and love unfeigned; and have the same spirit of love for children that Jesus exemplified" (M. Russell Ballard, “Teach the Children,” Ensign, May 1991).

At times our job as a parent can feel rather thankless. Therefore I am of the firm opinion we can give ourselves a mental pat on the back for a job well done, even while knowing our ‘job’ when it comes to children is far from finished.

One such experience happened to my husband and I around Halloween time.

A dear friend had given our kids some special Halloween treat bags. Each of these bags held a few snack bags of crackers, a pinwheel, as well as one of those paddles with a ball attached by elastic (for the life of me I can’t recall the name).

It didn’t take long before, one by one, the elastic on each of the paddles broke until our oldest was the only one with the ball still attached to the paddle. One night as she washed dishes for us, one of her brothers asked if he could play with her paddle. She said yes. Not even two minutes later he came to me, tears in his eyes, holding the (now) two separate pieces in his little hands.

I tried to comfort him, even offering to tell his sister what happened. “I think I need to tell her what I did,” he said. Before I could say another word he walked into the kitchen to tell his sister he had broken her toy. Dad and I listened from the living room. She was upset at first, but with a gentle, “I’m sorry” (and a few quick words from us) she easily forgave him.

To be completely honest we found ourselves incredibly surprised that our kids had actually learned one of the many lessons we, and their teachers, continually try to teach them. At times those who are in charge of children are never certain if their little ears truly hear what’s being said. I think Heavenly Father, in His infinite wisdom, knew we would need the occasional witness that all the effort we put into our kids is doing them some good.

Watching our son choose to tell the truth and our daughter choosing to forgive him was one of those moments for us.

I’m certainly not trying to brag here. The very next day this same sweet boy told us again and again, “Yes, I brushed my teeth” when we knew very well he hadn’t. We also witnessed our daughter stomping off into her room because she was, and I quote, “So sick and tired of my brothers following me everywhere!”

Sometimes you just have to take what you can get.

Playing in the yard. Going to the park. Taking a quick trip to the store. In every conceivable situation our children don’t even think about being safe. It’s just supposed to happen. Odds are they don’t fully understand the concept of staying safe. So what happens when that protective barrier has a hole or two?

One December when my oldest was almost three years old, she managed to escape the safe confines of our back yard. I had gone in to take a shower, and came out to absolute silence. I looked through the window. With no sign of her signature pink coat and bright yellow boots I completely freaked out. Pushing my sockless feet into shoes and running out the front door I began my frantic search for the sweetest little thing in my life.

There was no sight of her up or down our quiet street. Picking a direction I started running and yelling down the street. My next-door neighbor popped his head out to say he thought he saw her walking by his house, but wasn’t sure. He had, to my great relief, called the police.

As I continued on down the street I almost laughed (and sobbed) when I saw her telltale boot prints tracing a path in the gutter. You see, my daughter loved to splash through the snow and slush in the gutters. Without realizing it she had given me a way to find her. I began running down the sidewalk, occasionally looking over to see if the prints were still there.

Close to the end of the block a police car came driving toward me. A young woman rolled down the window and asked, “Have you seen a little girl in a pink coat?” to which I replied, “Have YOU seen a little girl in a pink coat?”

She quickly identified me as ‘Mom’ and told me to go one way around the block while she drove around the other. Two corners later I saw the most fantastic thing in the world: bright yellow boots and a pink coat still splashing along, following the path around the block.

About the time I caught her up in my arms the wonderful policewoman showed up and offered us a ride home. It was the first time in a police car for both of us (it had better be the last as well).

The point is, my daughter had no idea she was in danger. She was just taking a fun and familiar walk around the block, enjoying the scrunching and splashing made by boots in slush. Even though Mom wasn’t there, it was still my job to keep the world a safe place.

This concept must extend beyond physical safety. Our homes must become a haven here on earth, a place of beauty, of cleanliness, and a place where our children can find peace when things outside the home become scary or confusing. Our homes should be established in righteousness. They should be holy places. We as parents have the power to make our home a place of peace for our children.

M. Russell Ballard, a latter-day apostle of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (also known as Mormon Church), stated:

"But how do we bring that peace into the lives of children who are growing up in trying, troubling times? The best and most meaningful resources are found within the home where faithful, devoted parents and supportive brothers and sisters love one another and teach one another of their divine nature. Unfortunately, we live in a time when home and family values are under constant attack by Satan and his minions. We must ever recognize the significant and irreplaceable role of parents" (M. Russell Ballard, “‘Great Shall Be the Peace of Thy Children’,” Ensign, Apr 1994).

Whether it’s making the backyard a fortress, keeping predators at bay on the computer, locking up dangerous chemicals, or limiting their exposure to television, it is our responsibility to make their world a safer place until they are able to recognize the dangers. It starts even before they’re born and I would imagine goes until the day they die.

When we choose to have these precious beings in our home, we accept this responsibility. Obviously we will make mistakes, and hopefully everyone concerned won’t be hurt when this happens. The important thing for us as the adults is to learn from each blunder, patch up the holes in our safety net, and continue on keeping our children safe.

During this Christmas season one particular word repeatedly pops up: tradition. Christmas traditions vary from family to family. Some have been passed down for generations while others are brand new.

Righteous traditions are ones that strengthen and uplift family members. They bring in the Spirit of God. This can certainly help in creating a sense of the true meaning of Christmas to your children. If you don’t really have any Christmas traditions, now is the time to start.

One of the most popular Christmas traditions is retelling the story of the birth of Christ. In the book of Luke in the New Testament we can read this story in chapters one and two. While adults may find this simple telling with scripture enough to capture their imagination, children always learn better with action or visual aids. If you have enough around try acting the story out. If not, find pictures to help you tell the story.

The Twelve Days of Christmas is another wonderful tradition to start. No matter what you decide to put into your twelve days, it can be a fun way to help your children look outside of themselves during this Holiday Season. Let them pick out someone from your neighborhood or church to do a secret Twelve Days of Christmas to. If you have younger children, it might be easier to put everything together and give it all at once with instructions on what present to open when (if you give perishable items be certain to let the receivers know to put a particular gift in the fridge). If you kids are a bit older, make it a nightly outing, letting them knock or ring the doorbell and run. It’ll make it so much more fun.

For those who would like to watch a beautiful depiction of the birth of Jesus, ‘Joy to the World’ is a video recording the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints put together. Through scripture and music (featuring the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Orchestra at Temple Square) we are taken through His birth, His life and His ministry. This DVD or cassette comes in many languages and can be used to bless the life of many. It's also free, which I consider to be a huge bonus. To order it click here.

When it comes to family traditions be sure to include the birth of Jesus. Many children today are growing up not knowing why it is we celebrate Christmas. Make His birth the most important part of your Holiday Season.

There’s always been a part of me that’s wondered exactly what it must have been like to raise Jesus as a child. We don't have a lot of information on his childhood, or even his teens years for that matter.

Matt Moody, one of the writers here at LDSBlogs, discusses this in his post, “In His Father’s House: The Boyhood of Jesus.” One of my favorite lines from this piece can be read in the first paragraph.

“It is understandable that a good parent would strive to protect the privacy of a tender child; it follows that early details of this precious Son were made private by His loving Father.”

A good parent certainly does strive to maintain a child’s privacy, and yet there must have been many who flocked to see the Savior of the world. What might their thoughts have been at the sight of a tiny baby, a sweet-faced toddler, or the innocent eyes of a child?

I can’t help thinking of Him as a baby. It must have been wonderful to hold Him, rock Him, and sing Him to sleep. Every time He cried I can imagine Mary or Joseph immediately catching Him up to soothe away every tear.

I wonder what it must have been like to try and teach Jesus in the ways of God. He might have been in communication with the Father from the beginning. We don't know. Perhaps Mary and Joseph at times felt frustrated with their own mortal limitations. Perhaps at times they felt inadequate as parents.

Yet I’m sure whenever a knee was scraped, an elbow bruised, or feelings were hurt both His earthly parents were right there to offer comfort, give words of encouragement, and tried their best to make the hurt go away.

One of the things I like to think about most is what Mary and Joseph must have felt when the ordinary 'mortal' milestones happened. What was it like to hear Jesus say ‘Mother’ for the first time, or to watch as He took His first step. Joseph must have felt so pleased when Jesus began to work alongside him, learning every aspect of how to become a carpenter.

There must have been one particular moment, or perhaps a collection of little ones, when both Joseph and Mary realized their Son had surpassed what they could teach Him, especially in regards to the spiritual things. How old do you think Jesus was when that happened? I know there are times my own children amaze me with all they’ve come to know, and they’re still so young. Yet Jesus must have been years beyond where they are now. Perhaps at such a young age He even knew far more than I do now.

At only twelve-years old Jesus was already taking His role as the Son of God very seriously. In Luke 2:43-50 we read:

43 And when they had fulfilled the days, as they returned, the child Jesus tarried behind in Jerusalem; and Joseph and his mother knew not of it.
44 But they, supposing him to have been in the company, went a day's journey; and they sought him among their kinsfolk and acquaintance.

45 And when they found him not, they turned back again to Jerusalem, seeking him.

46 And it came to pass, that after three days they found him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the doctors, both hearing them, and asking them questions.

47 And all that heard him were astonished at his understanding and answers.

48 And when they saw him, they were amazed: and his mother said unto him, Son, why hast thou thus dealt with us? behold, thy father and I have sought thee sorrowing.

49 And he said unto them, How is it that ye sought me? wist ye not that I must be about my Father's business?

50 And they understood not the saying which he spake unto them.

It is a testament to how quickly Jesus had surpassed His earthly parents that they did not comprehend what He was trying to tell them. I am certain, however, He did His best to always obey them, to provide them with many assurances that they were doing a good job as parents.

I wanted to delve a bit into this wonderment to help us all remember something. Though we may be the mother and father of our own children, these precious little spirits are still the sons and daughters of God. When it comes to our children we can enjoy so many of the simple pleasures Mary and Joseph personally enjoyed with Jesus: reading out of the scriptures, enjoying play time, giving many hugs and kisses, rocking a little one to sleep, helping soothe the pains mortal life can impart, and teaching them in the ways of righteousness.

I hope you will think about that this Christmas Season as we celebrate the birth of the baby Jesus. Take a moment and purposely treasure the children around you, for they are just as precious as that baby from so long ago.

Teaching moments with a child are precious. The opportunity to have honest, uplifting conversations with them is not as rare as one might think. It all depends on us as parents and teachers being properly aware of when those times occur.

The other day my six-year old son and I were sitting at the table, each eating our own bowl of cereal. After several minutes of his sporadic comments, each further making the inner workings of his train of thoughts even more impossible to unravel, he said something that really caught my attention.

“I wonder what alcohol tastes like.”

I immediately recognized this as a brief chance to discuss something important. While our own family’s exposure to alcohol is quite limited – one of the advantages to living in a largely Mormon (or LDS) family – there is a whole other realm into which he is made to enter every day: school.

He has many friends who are not members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon Church). Most of these friends have parents, uncles, aunts, grandparents, and maybe even older brothers or sisters who drink alcohol. It’s a normal part of their lives. For them drinking beer would be along the same lines as drinking juice would be for us.

For the next several minutes, over many spoonfuls of cereal, we talked about being curious about what things like alcohol, or cigarettes, or other harmful things might taste like. I was certain to point out that while we’re all apt to be curious, it doesn’t mean we should try them. None of us ever knows what might happen with even one small sample.

For those inexperienced with taking hold of teaching moments, I have a few simple suggestions drawn from my own experiences.

Don’t ever freak out. If you make it a big deal, they will too. Of course there will be times when it’s necessary to make a stern point. Doing or saying anything out of either anger or fright will only frighten your child as well, and they’ll be less likely to come to you next time.

Let them guide the conversation by asking questions. It might be what they’re really talking/asking about isn’t all that difficult to answer. In doing this you can even help direct your child toward answering his/her own question.

Take them seriously. If you laugh them off or treat their inquiries as unimportant, they’ll begin to question their own thoughts and ideas. Don’t forget that just because an answer seems obvious to us, we were once little children and had to learn these things as well.

If you don’t know, or are unprepared to answer a question, tell them so. Suggest they give you time to explore the question, or look for the answer together.

Every child has a questioning mind, and every child loves to learn. It’s important to be certain they’re learning what the Lord wants. Making these teaching moments precious can only help our children see how treasured they are to us.

For further understanding of why we adhere to a certain standard of what we eat and drink see the Word of Wisdom.

When members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, otherwise known as Mormons, are baptized there are special covenants (promises) made at that time between the individual and God. As the likelihood of eight-year olds (Mormons are baptized at eight) to recall those covenants is fairly slim, Heavenly Father provided a way for us to be reminded of these covenants on an almost weekly basis.

In the book of Moroni (contained within the Book of Mormon which is another Testament of Jesus Christ), we can find the sacramental prayers in chapters 4 and 5. Within these prayers are the covenants we make at baptism.

Let’s look at them one at a time.

1. We promise to be willing to take upon us the name of Christ. When we’re willing to do something, we do it because we want to, not because someone tells us to do it. To take upon us the name of Christ means we become His people. As others get to know us, they will discover we are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We are not ashamed of being a member of His church, for we joined it willingly.

2. We promise to always remember Him. As humans we will sometimes forget things. Whether it’s really important or just silly stuff, we will forget. It is important not to forget Jesus, though. We need to remember Him, His example, His teachings, His service, His miracles, His love for every one each and every day of our lives. In doing this we can bless the lives of others just as Jesus blesses our own.

3. We promise to keep His commandments. It’s important to remember there are more to the commandments than ‘Thou shall not steal.’ In fact, it was later taught that we shouldn’t even want to steal. It shouldn’t enter our minds at all. There are many other things the Lord has commanded us, and as members of His church we must study the scriptures (Bible and Book of Mormon) to find these commandments. We should also work hard to keep these commandments. If we break one, we must repent.

If we can keep these covenants Heavenly Father has promised us that He will give us the gift of His spirit to always be with us. That means as we live our lives in the most righteous way possible the Holy Ghost, who was given to us as a gift after we were baptized, will always be around to guide us, help us, and warn us.

Our baptismal covenants are important. I am so grateful my Heavenly Father blessed me with the chance to be reminded of them every week.

I’ve always been fascinated with journals, but horrible about keeping one myself. Every time the urge to start writing one came over me I’d buy a new diary and fill the first twenty or so pages. After a while my fervor would wane and yet another partially completed journal would be added to the dusty pile.

Years later I’ve found a fantastic way to keep a sort of journal, as well as keeping extended family and friends informed on all that’s going on in our little home. I also discovered one of the biggest reasons my earlier attempts at journaling never really took off: I type faster than I write.

Writing everything out is agonizing for me. In the time it takes me to write one sentence my brain has gone ahead a good two paragraphs. It gets frustrating. Yet when I sit down to the computer my fingertips are allowed to fly over the keyboard fast enough to keep up with most of my thoughts.

Pair this with the brilliant invention of e-mail, and I’m set. Once every month I sit down to the computer and try to relate all that’s gone on with our family over the previous thirty or so days. I might go person by person or, if the month was busy enough, by event. Sometimes the e-mails can be really long, other times it’s just a quick note.

The fact that others out there are reading this limits a lot of what I might say when compared to a private journal. It doesn’t stop me from sharing what I can, however, especially since one day it’ll be a fantastic record of our family life.

E-mails aren’t your only option. Online Blogging is now one of the most popular forms of communication and record keeping (A blog is short for Web Log). You can update your blog daily, weekly, or whenever the mood strikes. Some Blogs are open only to those with the password to maintain privacy, or it can be open to all.

If you’re not much of a typist, try using a voice recorder. I’d recommend doing this in any case, especially for a Family Home Evening one night. It leaves your children with the sound of your voice – something no one thinks about missing until the loved one is gone. Kids of all ages enjoy listening to themselves on tape.

If it’s been a while since you last did a journal entry, and the idea of recalling your entire childhood seems daunting, take a breath. Don’t worry about starting with your own childhood. Begin at this point with your own kids. Children love to hear stories about when they were younger. If you’re anything like me, recalling what was for dinner last week is a stretch. Trying to remember what my almost ten-year old was like when she was a baby would require hypnosis.

I must warn you, however, to keep a hard copy or separate disk of your entries. If your computer crashed, a fire happened, or any other unexpected emergency occurred you’d lose all that hard work. Every few months I transfer everything to a CD and put it in our fireproof safe. If you use a recorder, either ask someone to transcribe the tapes or make copies and place them somewhere else. These can be transferred to CD as well.

Encourage your children to begin their own journals. Moira Tyrell, one of our writers here, was inspired by Elder Eyring’s most recent talk at the October General Conference. Now her family takes about 15 minutes at the end of their family home evening time to write in a journal. This is such a great way to keep the tradition strong.

Try a few different techniques until you find one that works for you. I guarantee you’ll find yourselves keeping a family record your children, and perhaps even grandchildren, will treasure for years.

Whether you’re married or a single parent, whether both parents work out of the home or one of you stays home with the kids, finding time to truly connect with your young ones can be terribly difficult at times.

When children are younger they need your attention, even if it’s just five or ten minutes here and there. Some may just want you in the same room, coming to you for spurts of contact: a quick hug, telling you something funny, reading a short book. Others can be more demanding of your time: if it were possible they’d put you on a leash and drag you everywhere they go.

Giving time to your children isn’t as difficult for stay-at-home moms and dads. But what of those who are required to work outside of the home?

My own husband works two jobs. He leaves the house before 4:30 in the morning and will typically not get home until after 6:30 at night. Every Wednesday night he has church meetings, and makes it home only long enough to take a bath and go. Sundays are also filled with his High Council calling. Because he has been placed over another ward we typically don’t see him until after 4:00. In other words, every minute my kids get with their dad is considered precious.

To help him connect with his kids more, we’ve had to prioritize certain things in our lives, as well as become creative in our attempts to help them all get together.

Saturday is our “Family Day.” My husband is lucky enough to have that day off, and our kids are young enough that they’d rather spend the day with us than with friends. Yes – we are all too aware of just how quickly this will pass. We try to find fun things to do as a family: take a walk along a trail, go up into the mountains, visit grandparents, go out to lunch, play at the park, work in the yard, or watch a movie. It doesn’t really matter, so long as you’re together.

Being together as a family unit is crucial. It’s also important to find one-on-one time with your children. If one of us is cleaning the church, we’ll take one of the kids with us. If I have to run an errand I couldn’t do during the week, I’ll let one of them come with me. Just the other night my husband took our daughter to a Stake Young Womens activity he needed to attend. If he’s doing a work project at a house, he’ll often take our boys.

Being together in a physical sense isn’t always possible. Many parents have jobs that require them to frequently be out of town. It is still possible to connect with your kids, even if you’re not there in person. Back when I was pregnant with our first child, my husband began to call every day around eleven o’clock a.m. As the years went by, and more children joined the household, this particular habit never left.

Now my kids, when they’re not at school, practically race each other to the phone when it rings around that time of day. Talking with Daddy is just as important to them as seeing him in person.

My point in all this is, it’s up to us as parents to find the time to connect with our children. If we don’t make the effort, even when we’re exhausted, we can’t be too surprised to wake up one morning only to find we hardly know them. Kids are kids for too short a time. We don’t have to break the bank to give them what they need. We just have to show them how important they are to us.

Two-year old Colby stole into his grandmother’s room one night as she prepared for bed.

“Can I sleep with you, Grandma?” he asked.

Unable to resist his big, brown, puppy-dog eyes Glenda said, “Of course.”

Then Colby asked, “Will you read to me?”

Glenda nodded and said, “Just let me say my prayers first.”

Kneeling down next to her bed, Glenda began to pray. After thirty-seconds or so she heard Colby whisper, “Grandma, say amen.”

She wasn’t done praying yet, so Glenda continued. This time he whispered louder, “Grandma, say amen.”

Still she prayed. Once again, though now in full voice (I imagine he was concerned she might not have heard him the first two times), Colby said, “Say amen, Grandma.”

Much to Colby’s obvious consternation, Glenda wasn’t quite done praying yet. The next thing she knew he was tapping his tiny fist on her head saying, “Knock, knock. Is anybody home? It’s time to say amen!”

This time, stifling giggles, Glenda said ‘amen.’

When it comes to children, praying is something you hurry up and do, as opposed to having a lovely talk with Heavenly Father. For a two-year old it’s unrealistic to expect anything more than thirty seconds.

How can we make praying a more personal experience for our little ones?

Teach them to picture what Heavenly Father might look like. Does He have a beard? What color is His hair, or His eyes? Does He have wrinkles when He smiles? Is He tall? Short? Visualizing can help them form a stronger bond with Him, rather than the idea of talking to a faceless being. Make sure they understand we don’t really know what He looks like, but we can imagine.

Help them understand He hears every single one of his children pray, no matter what time of the day or where they might be. Does He hear us in the middle of the night, when we’ve had a bad dream? Can He hear us way up in the mountains, or when we’re away from home? Let your child think up some crazy places, emphasizing Heavenly Father really can hear their prayers even in the strangest of places.

As these children grow older it is important to help them realize that, much like talking with a trusted friend or adult, they can talk with their Heavenly Father about anything and everything. He can become a confidant, especially when there seems to be no one else who might understand. He can also provide answers or inspiration that we, as mortals, might not think of ourselves.

Let your children know how loved they are by their Heavenly Father – a billion, trillion times more than their earthly fathers and mothers know how to love. Tell them even when we’ve done some pretty bad stuff He still loves us.

Most of all show your children how to pray through your example. Don’t just kneel down for a minute or so. Have a good talk with your Heavenly Father as well.

Praying to our Heavenly Father is one of our most precious gifts. With our help, children can learn to treasure this gift.

The first Article of Faith states: We believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in His son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.

The Holy Ghost can be a difficult concept to relate to children. It’s easy to describe what the Holy Ghost does for us: acts as a comforter, provides personal revelation, inspires us, warns in times of trouble, gives peace, etc. Yet the idea of the Holy Ghost isn’t always easy to explain in a clear way for children to understand.

My sister-in-law, when acting as Primary president, heard the most fantastic idea to help children understand exactly how the Holy Ghost works with us.

You’ll need two cans of pop, one of them emptied. Though it’s not necessary, you could try putting a paper cutout of a child on the cans.

Hold up the empty can.

When we don’t have the gift of the Holy Ghost, we are easily crushed by temptation. Some of those temptations may be: cheating on a test, stealing, lying to stay out of trouble, hitting a brother or sister, yelling at your mom or dad, etc. (As each temptation is listed, crush the can in your hand.)

Now grab the full can.

When we have been blessed with the gift of the Holy Ghost, we are not easily crushed because the Holy Ghost strengthens us enough to resist temptations. (Try crushing the can.) When we choose the right and obey God’s laws, we can be filled with the Holy Ghost and harder to crush.

You could invite some of the smaller children to try and crush the full can (I wouldn’t recommend the older children…the clever things might find a way to actually make it happen). If you know of some soda-addicts, see if you can use their empty, uncrushed, cans so each of the kids can have one to crush. Rinse them out first, of course.

Be sure to explain there is a