Children

It is far too early to be thinking about school starting. I am savoring the summer, enjoying the fact that we still have more to come. I enjoy the longer and slower days and the easing of schedules and responsibilities.

Family vacation gives us distance from our normal life. We take time to talk about what is working well and what needs changing. I am following advice to:

“Find a retreat of peace and quiet where periodically you can ponder and let the Lord establish the direction of your life. Each of us needs to periodically check our bearings and confirm that we are on course…In a quiet moment write down your responses. Analyze them. Make any necessary adjustments. Put first things first. Do the best you can while on earth to have an ideal family.” (Richard G. Scott, First Things First, Conference Report, April 2001, p. 8)

I am not very motivated to think ahead to the business of the kids’ fall schedule, but I know it will come. It will be busy – schedules, responsibilities, homework, sports, lessons, holidays. I know once the train gets moving, it is a hard one to stop. Last year as we raced from one activity to the next, I was over-stressed. I suspected that I was “in the thick of thin things.” (Anonymous)

This year, I wonder: Should I sign my boys up for sports? Should my daughter re-enroll for dance? Should I be willing to drive for an hour to see that my child has an excellent music teacher? All of these things are good, there is no doubt. But will all of these activities allow our family to eat together, play together, work together and learn together?

When my children are too busy, it is easy to skip even the basics – a made bed, a clean room, a chore, a decent meal, sleep, or time to just be together. The activity is good, but it could be preventing us from something better.

My life may be what the prophet Daniel saw when he described the last days: “…many shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall be increased.” (Daniel 12:4)

I seem to be running to and fro just about every day. Our family has great opportunities to choose from, but just because we can do something doesn't mean we should.

“We live in a world that is filled with options. If we are not careful, we will find every minute jammed with social events, classes, exercise time, book clubs, scrapbooking, Church callings, music, sports, the Internet, and our favorite TV shows. One mother told me of a time that her children had 29 scheduled commitments every week: music lessons, Scouts, dance, Little League, day camps, soccer, art, and so forth. She felt like a taxi driver. Finally, she called a family meeting and announced, “Something has to go; we have no time to ourselves and no time for each other.” Families need unstructured time when relationships can deepen and real parenting can take place. Take time to listen, to laugh, and to play together.” (M. Russell Ballard, “Daughters of God,” Ensign, May 2008, 108–10)

I got some help prioritizing several months ago. I heard a talk given by Dallin H. Oaks, apostle of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (known as the Mormons). He noted that some things are good, some are better and some are best.

“We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families. (Dallin H. Oaks, “Good, Better, Best,” Liahona, Nov 2007, 104–8)

So what is “best”?

The best things are the things that endure forever – our relationships, our service to God and our fellowman, our knowledge and our character.

The best things “…seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness;" (Matthew 6:33)

I am coming to the conclusion that less is more. Dance is good, but a daughter who has time to do her homework, practice music, eat at home and get enough sleep may be better. Soccer is good, but doing family chores together on Saturday morning may be better. It will take some thought. We will choose carefully. Hopefully our choices will follow the counsel of the First Presidency of the Church:

“However worthy and appropriate other demands or activities may be, they must not be permitted to displace the divinely-appointed duties that only parents and families can adequately perform.” (First Presidency letter, Feb 11, 1999; printed in Church News, Feb 27, 1999, 3)

By virtue of being a mother, I am “on alert” all of the time. In this state of greater awareness, we mothers notice the smallest item on the floor as a potential choking hazard for baby. We keep track of where our children are playing. We are pretty good at the memory game (one shoe is in the basement and the match is under the trampoline). We know the dates for scout camp, the time of the piano lesson and whether our child ate a vegetable today. We are willing hands in the loving care of our children.

But being constantly on alert, concerned and aware can leave our nerves raw and frazzled. Mothers need to take time out. A time out for mothers means three things to me: Time to be holy, time to rest, and time to grow.

Time to Be Holy
In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (known as the Mormons), time spent focusing on the things of God is one of the most important ways to take time out; to rejuvenate, prioritize, ponder, and become happier.

Prayer is a source of power; the ability to communicate with a loving Father in Heaven who has our best interests in mind. He knows our struggles, talents, and weaknesses. He knows what we are trying to do for our family to support them and love them.

Prayer is the way I share my victories, ideas and inadequacies. My days are better when I begin them with prayer. Prayer sustains me and help me focus on having a productive and purposeful day. My days are best when ended with prayer. I can return and report about what I experienced. I love the description of prayer in the Bible Dictionary:

“As soon as we learn the true relationship in which we stand toward God (namely, God is our Father, and we are his children), then at once prayer becomes natural and instinctive on our part (Matt. 7: 7-11). Many of the so-called difficulties about prayer arise from forgetting this relationship. Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayer is a form of work, and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings.” (Bible Dictionary: Prayer)

If prayer is said to be our way to share our thoughts with God, the word of God (the scriptures) are said to be the way He speaks back to us. They give direction and guidance:

“Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.” (2 Nephi 32:3)

Reading the words of God every day is centering and calming. It reminds us of the truly important things on this earth. The scriptures put prestige, wealth, fame and power into their proper perspective – unimportant and fleeting. They put righteousness, charity, obedience and character in their proper perspective – essential and eternal. (2 Nephi 9:51)

The Sabbath day is another way to take time to be holy. I can’t do without the Sabbath day. When our Creator made the earth, He too rested on the seventh day (Genesis 2:3)

What a perfect time to stop the busy-ness of everyday life to worship our Father in Heaven, re-commit to keep the commandments and remember the atoning sacrifice of our Savior, Jesus Christ. We can worship, rest, spend time with family, recharge and renew for the coming week. Our family chooses not to shop, recreate or pursue entertainment on Sundays. Because of this, we spend the day at home and are able to take time to be still. What a great blessing to be still one day a week in this whirlwind of a world.

Time for Rest
Sleep is a rare commodity in today’s world. Why did we forego this vital element to get ahead and compete in this 24-hour-a-day world? When I stay up too late to get things done in a quiet house, I pay for it the next day with cloudy thinking and low energy. We are counseled to:

"..retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary: arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated.” (D&C 88:124)

There is a good reason for this advice. Our Father in Heaven knows that mothers need time for sleep.

Time to Grow
With days full of service, mothers have to carve out time to become a better person. We want to and need to develop our talents, interests, and our personal relationships. It seems impossible to make the time to do this, but it is needful.

The apostle Russell Ballard gives us counsel:

“…find some time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests. Pick one or two things that you would like to learn or do that will enrich your life, and make time for them. Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children.” (M. Russell Ballard, “Daughters of God,” Ensign, May 2008, 108–10)

I hope our time outs can be planned, worthwhile and renewing. Mothers need the spiritual strength, the sleep and the personal enjoyment to do all we are meant to do and all that we are so good at doing for our children.

I read yesterday of a family with four children who were removed from an airline flight because of their noise and restlessness. One son had autism and a daughter had cerebral palsy. It was the childrens’ first flight. On another flight, a family was removed because their 3-year-old was crying. What surprised me the most about these stories was the enthusiastic “Kick them off and good riddance” chorus in the follow-up commentary.

Of course safety and respect for other passengers is warranted. But I think it shows a general intolerance our society has for anyone who annoys or irritates us.

I believe we are teaching by example the exact opposite of what we want our children to learn and to become. This intolerance is in opposition to the doctrine of Jesus Christ.

In Paul the apostle’s epistle to the Ephesians he encourages the Saints to act:

"With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love;" (Ephesians 4:2)

Paul then teaches the Collosians a similar doctrine:

“Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” (Collosians 3:13)

The author of this doctrine taught by Paul was the Savior, Jesus Christ. Christ had feelings of love and respect for children. They showed through His actions during His ministry.

“And they brought young children to him, that he should touch them: and his disciples rebuked those that brought them. But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God. Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein. And he took them up in his arms, put his hands upon them, and blessed them.” (Mark 10:13-16)

No doubt when He was teaching, there were children who were excited and fidgety. There were probably some who were wandering around, digging in the dirt with a stick or throwing rocks to while away the time. Some were probably tired or hungry. I am sure there were some who were crying or hanging on their mother’s skirt. He knows that this is who they are and what they do. His patience and love for the children was personal and great. His blessing for the children was not a group blessing, but an individual one for each child.

His example and counsel tells us that patience and forbearance are traits that should be developed. In a confined space with no where to go, airline travel may just be the most perfect place to acquire these traits. Perhaps we ought to "glory in tribulations; also knowing that tribulation worketh patience.” (Romans 5:3)

Children learn most by example. They repeat actions that are done to them. If we want kind and tolerant children, we must first show them kindness and tolerance and live the doctrine taught by the Savior. Prophet Gordon B. Hinckley (15th President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) stated:

"Teach your children goodness. Teach them civility toward others...Let there be taught in the homes of people that we are all children of God, our Eternal Father, and that as surely as there is fatherhood, there can and must be brotherhood. Let there be taught respect for womanhood and manhood. Let every husband speak with respect, kindness, and appreciation for his wife. Let every wife look for and speak of the virtues of her husband...Is this old-fashioned? Of course it is. It is as old as truth itself." (Gordon B. Hinckley, “Four Simple Things to Help Our Families and Our Nations,” Ensign, Sep 1996, 2)

I can teach my own children good manners with love. I can practice patience and long-suffering when a child behind me on a flight kicks my seat or plays with the fold-down tray. When they are grown and airborne, I hope they will show me the same kindness if I snore or talk too much. My family can follow the counsel of Peter, the apostle, to develop a divine nature: through diligence, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, godliness, brotherly kindness and charity. (Peter 1:4-7)

The Fourth of July is one of our family’s favorite holidays. It includes a pancake breakfast in the mountains, a parade, a barbecue, homemade ice cream and a “Driveway of Fire” with the family. The celebration is inspiring and meaningful. It is spent with people we love. Across the country, it is what founding father John Adams expected it to be.

“It ought to be commemorated, as the Day of Deliverance by solemn Acts of Devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more.” (The Book of Abigail and John: Selected Letters of the Adams Family, 1762-1784, Harvard University Press, 1975, 142).

Our children love the parade. They love the ice cream and the fireworks. I am glad they love these things. But there is more to love. I want them to love the American heroes who showed true leadership through endurance and sacrifice. I want them to love the liberties of their country and understand how they are “…endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” (Declaration of Independence).

I want them to know that God and Country are inseparable and that their righteousness matters for the good of the United States of America. As John Adams pointed out:

“This pursuit of happiness of man, as well as his dignity consists in virtue.” (Thoughts on Government, John Adams)

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, (known as the Mormons) we believe that the founding of America was inspired and authored by God the Father through the work of these “wise men.” (D&C 101:77-80)

These men are heroes I want my kids to know and appreciate, not because of their great talents and skills (although they have many). I want my children to know their work because they all saw God's hand in their work. They acknowledged that their "inalienable" rights came from Him. They knew that only a righteous, virtuous society could enjoy the blessings of liberty.

Forget the basketball players or pop stars. These are the real American Idols I want my children to know. They are described well in the inspiring words of America the Beautiful:

“Oh beautiful for heroes proved In liberating strife,
Who more than self their country loved, And mercy more than life!” (America the Beautiful, Katherine Bates, Samuel Ward)

If our children get to know these American heroes, they will be more likely to follow the counsel of Ezra Taft Benson, Secretary of Agriculture for President Eisenhower and 13th President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. He said:

“We must…inspire in the lives of our children a love for eternal principles and a desire to seek out honorable men – the best possible – to stand at the head of our political governments, local, state, and federal. Only in this way can we safeguard the liberties which have been vouchsafed to us as our inalienable rights. Unless we do so, we may very easily lose them because of our indifference, because of our failure to exercise our franchise, because we permit men who are unworthy to rise to positions of political power.” (God, Family, Country, Benson, Deseret Book, 1974)

This summer, I want my children to learn the stories of these wise, steadfast, and talented men and women - true American Idols. I want them to study the scriptures that refer to the founding of this great nation. As their knowledge grows, so will their love for country, their gratitude for their Creator, and their desire to preserve the freedom they enjoy.