Children

My son tells me that when he grows up he wants to be just like his dad. I smile, knowing that if he did, he would be a remarkable man. My smile grows wider. I tell my son that when I grow up, I want to be just like him. He looks at me, quite surprised.

The scriptures tell us to “become as a little child.” The Savior pointed to a child when He was teaching a lesson on entering the kingdom of heaven. Our children can teach us much if we are ready. What are the great lessons we are supposed to learn?

I have found that my children teach me in two ways. First, they teach me by example. Second, they give me an environment and opportunity to learn. If our eyes are open to it, we will recognize the natural gifts of our children. We will see that we are in the presence of greatness.

They Teach By Example

When Jesus Christ was asked who was the greatest in the kingdom of God, He taught:

“And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them, And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:2-4

Humility is a natural gift of children. In the Book of Mormon, King Benjamin taught his people about this and other gifts of children:

For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father. (Mosiah 3:19)

Humilty, meekness, submissiveness, patience and a heart full of love are all childlike qualities. Our children are great examples of a learning mind and heart. They are open to what we teach them as we should be open to what our Father in Heaven has in mind for us to learn. Children willingly repent and forgive quickly, also setting a good example for what we should do when we, and others, make mistakes. The word repent is from a Greek word that means to have a change of mind, or obtain a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world (BD). Our children happily do this every day.

Children also have very strong faith in simple gospel principles and an innate sense of right and wrong. They believe that God exists and know He answers prayers. If you ask a child what Jesus would do in a situation, they can tell you easily, as though they had known Him all their lives.

They Give Us Opportunity to Learn

Our children give us daily opportunities to learn these same characteristics. They give us an environment where we must learn them to survive, grow and hopefully excel at parenting!

We become more patient as we watch the three-year-old struggle with his shoes, even when we have to get somewhere on time. We develop meekness as we set aside our own to-do list and help our child with challenging homework. We wonder how to stop family arguments and humble ourselves in prayer to find answers. We become submissive to the will of our Father in Heaven as we strive to care for these precious children in the way that would be pleasing to Him.

Yesterday, as the story goes, our family had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Disobedience and chaos were rampant. Voices were loud and I was not a mother feeling calm, or patient, or full of love. We work hard as a family to keep those days rare, but it was also a day of great learning. It was a day to remember that force does not motivate, but love does. It was a reminder that the Holy Ghost cannot be present where contention exists. It was a day to learn the characteristics of humility, meekness, submissiveness, patience and love because I had to. I learned more about what didn’t work, searched the scriptures for what did, and prayed to know how I could do better. I learned more about these characteristics because of our family experience, not in spite of it. Because of my children, I grew.

By example and opportunity, our children are masterful mentors of their most natural gifts. It is no wonder that Christ pointed us to the gifts of a child.

Our violin teacher listened as my son played a piece at his lesson. He made an error on one passage and as he repeated the piece, he played the same mistake over again. She commented, “We all think practice makes perfect, but really, practice makes permanent.” To undo the mistake he had practiced 20 times, he had to re-learn the section and play it correctly about 50 times until the change started to become natural.

Children are so easy to teach and absorb lessons so willingly. What we do every day in our homes is what is becoming permanent for our children. How we speak to our family members, our reaction to stress, time spent in entertainment or at work, and time spent together or apart is all becoming permanent. The small, seemingly insignificant things that we unconsciously practice each day are becoming permanent for us and for our children.

And how much easier it is to learn it right the first time instead of spending time correcting and re-learning! The well-known quote reads:

“Sow an act and you reap a habit. Sow a habit and you reap a character. Sow a character and you reap a destiny.” Charles Reade

The scriptures teach the same principle:

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

Julie Beck, leader of the women's organization in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, had a father that knew practice makes permanent.

“I was raised in a big family. My parents had a lot of children. And that means there were a lot of opinions and a lot of work to care for this family. But they used the tool of family home evening to really teach us. Every week we sang “Love at Home.” That was the opening hymn. And I remember as a teenager thinking it was really tiresome to sing that hymn every week.

It was more a belief than a practice. But every week, Dad would say, “Now we’ll sing our opening hymn, ‘Love at Home.’ ” And when I was about 14 or 15, in that age when you question everything, I asked my father, “Why do we have to sing this hymn every week? There are a lot of good hymns in the hymnbook we could sing.” And he looked at me very sternly, and he said, “When you have learned lesson 1, I will teach you lesson 2.”

And I don’t know what lesson 2 was; we didn’t ever get there, but I have to say that after the passage of many years, I look at my family, and we do love one another. We did, somehow, over the years, learn to love each other because that was lesson 1 my parents wanted to teach. They didn’t try to cover everything. They knew if they started with that, it would work.” Worldwide Leadership Conference, February 2008

If we are making things permanent, whether intentional or not, then what can and what should we make permanent?

Make Love a Permanent Part of Our Families

Julie’s parents wanted love to be permanent in their family. It was their Lesson One. Our children learn to love others mostly by watching how we love them. They watch how we speak and whether we listen. They watch the service and effort we put into caring for them (even though we may think it is completely missed!) They watch how we treat our spouse.

On some days, having love be a permanent part of our families may seem impossible, but it can be done! We can exchange family names for homemade gifts on holidays, attend a performance to show support, listen when someone has a bad day, plan weekly time together, pray together and read the scriptures together. Even simple tasks of service, like bringing someone a glass of water before bed, can make love permanent.

Make Self-Respect Permanent

Insisting on teeth brushing, bathing and basic levels of cleanliness is daily practice that becomes permanent. We can set the standard for modest dress. We can expect good language in our home for our children and their friends. We can require simple chores, all making self-respect more permanent.

Make Integrity Permanent

We can set the standard for honesty in our family, even if the truth means getting in trouble. We can set the example for integrity with fidelity in our marriages and honesty in our work. We can require that our children follow through on promises made, no matter how small. We can discourage gossip in our teenagers. We can have our children return borrowed toys and replace broken items for their rightful owners.

Of course, there are many more good things that parents want made permanent. It is no wonder that the home is the best place for the practice. The good daily choices our children make that seem dull or unimportant are the same simple practices that build permanent and enduring character.

It is best said in the scripture:

“Behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass.” Alma 37:6

Practice makes permanent, and permanent is powerful.

In the past decade, parents have heard much about our childrens' need for high self-esteem. Of course parents want happy and confident kids. What could be better?

As concerned parents, we work hard to help our children become assured. We listen to them, praise them and speak positively to them. We provide them with structure, guidelines and responsibility; a framework to help them feel secure. We drive them to piano, soccer, ballet, art, and baseball to help them develop talents and skills so they can be confident in their own abilities. We help them with school so they feel good about their academic performance. Motivated by love, our efforts help them to develop in healthy ways.

But in our great work, have we missed the simple truths of developing self-esteem? Have we shared with them the secrets that offer greater power, infinite confidence in purpose, and immeasurable joy?

When we give our children the knowledge of who they are, why they are on Earth and where they are going, we give them so much more than a “Way to go!” This knowledge is the true foundation to building a healthy self-esteem.

Who They Are

In famous words by Paul the apostle, we learn who our children are. He declared that we are all children of God. Acts 17:28-29

Modern leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, referred to as the Mormons, have repeated these words in The Family: A Proclamation to the World:

"All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny.”

Consider this amazing statement. To be a child of God means that we are eternally significant. It means we have divine heritage. Knowing we are children of a Father in Heaven gives our lives purpose and direction. We have heavenly potential and are dearly loved. Could there be a more powerful message of love, hope and expectation for our children?

Why They Are Here

Our children have an important mission while here on Earth. They are here to learn, progress and prepare to meet God.

"For behold, this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God; yea, behold the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors."( Alma 34: 32-33)

Our Father in Heaven sent His Son, Jesus Christ, as the example to follow. The life of the Savior was one of service. He “went about doing good.” (Acts 10:38.)

The talents and skills that our children learn can give them confidence and can be personally enjoyable. A greater purpose in having them is to serve others as Christ did.

Our children can play the piano in a church service, cook meals for a family with a new baby, perform a dance to bring smiles to the elderly in a rest home. Our children can use their abilities to do good in their family, their school, their neighborhood and their future professions. Service for others builds self-esteem. When children serve others, they serve God and work toward achieving their divine potential. (Mosiah 2:17)

Where They Are Going

Our children can know that they can live eternally with their Father in Heaven when this life is over. This is our Father and Jesus Christ's objective. “For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” (Moses 1:39)

Because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we can return to live with Him if we strive to keep His commandments and take opportunity to repent when we make mistakes. (Jacob 6:11)

When our children know where they are going, their purposes are sure, their objectives are clear and their potential unmatched – to be joint-heirs with Christ. Again, in the words of Paul the apostle:

“The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.” (Romans 8:16-17)

When our children know who they are, why they are here and where they are going, they can be confident - they are children of God. They can be happy - their life has a plan. They can be empowered - they can return triumphant to their Heavenly Father having reached their potential. Now what could be better than that?

One day my husband asked our energetic four-year-old daughter, "Are you a peacemaker or a troublemaker?" She paused, then decisively pronounced, "I'm a piece of trouble!"

In a world full of pieces of trouble and conflict at every turn, we are challenged to teach our children differently. We have the obligation as parents to teach peace. If we fail to teach peace in the home, it is unlikely that our children will learn the principles of peace in the world.

We have daily opportunity to teach peace. Who gets the bigger cookie? How will chores be fairly divided? What should you do when brother hits? What if sister borrows your shoes without permission or brother breaks your best toy? From toddler to teenager, we have small but frequent opportunities in the home to teach peace. Knowing peace brings joy and happiness. "Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God." (Matthew 5:9)

Much contention comes from the fact that each of us has free will. It is not in simply having the will that is the problem, but the wise or poor use of it. Choices that stem from selfishness have bad consequences for the child and usually for the entire family. Wise choices based on love and understanding for others bring peace.

The gospel of Jesus Christ is the foundation for these wise choices. In the midst of World War I, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Joseph F. Smith declared:

“There is only one thing that can bring peace into the world. It is the adoption of the gospel of Jesus Christ, rightly understood, obeyed and practiced by rulers and people alike.” (Improvement Era, Sept. 1914, pp. 1074–75.)

His life and His words give us instructions of teaching peace to our children.

First, pray for peace. We need help beyond our own abilities in a world full of conflict. When we pray both individually and as a family for peace and for one another, we can foster greater understanding and greater love for each other.

Second, learn of peace. The life of the Savior, the Prince of Peace, can effectively teach us. He understood perfectly the need for all of us to have free will, or agency. He fully respected this greatest gift of choice. His life, filled with patience and self-mastery, showed us how we should be and keeps the standard for our behavior high. He commanded us to obey but invites us to choose and does not employ force when teaching gospel truths. His own obedience to the will of the Father shows us we should strive to keep His commandments. His willingness to forgive others and his encouragement of repentance shows us what to do when we make mistakes.

Third, listen for peace. In the book of the Doctrine and Covenants, revelation received by the prophet Joseph Smith, we learn to listen to the Holy Ghost.

“…and you shall receive my Spirit, the Holy Ghost, even the Comforter, which shall teach you the peaceable things of the kingdom.” (D&C 36:2)

Listening to one another also promotes peace. When we begin to have learning conversations with family members instead of blaming or accusing conversations, we can clear up misunderstandings, understand true intentions and show greater love.

Fourth, practice peace. In our families, we have daily opportunity to practice peace. We can teach our children to serve one another and to love one another. Peace is found where righteousness and concern for others comes first. Also found in the Doctrine and Covenants is this counsel:

“But learn that he who doeth the works of righteousness shall receive his reward, even peace in this world, and eternal life in the world to come.” (D&C 59:23)

As parents, we can teach our children to follow the Savior Jesus Christ. Dallin H. Oaks, LDS church leader and apostle, noted in an address entitled World Peace:

The Savior and his Apostles had no program for world peace other than individual righteousness. They mounted no opposition to the rule of Rome or to the regime of its local tyrants. They preached individual righteousness and taught that the children of God should love their enemies and “live peaceably with all men.”

May our children gain the everyday help of mothers and fathers in the quest for peace.