Children

It is perhaps one of my favorite stories Thomas S. Monson, 1st Counselor in the presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (often referred to as Mormon Church) tells of himself as a child.

He was eleven at the time, and in Primary (program for children age 3-11). His class, the Blazers, included a group of very enthusiastic boys. Though he doesn't go into detail, I'd bet they caused a headache or two for the leaders of the Primary.

One particular Sunday the Primary President, a grandmotherly woman by the name of Melissa, asked 'Tommy' to stay behind and visit with her for a few minutes. She placed a loving arm around his shoulder and, to his surprise, began to cry.

He immediately asked her what was wrong. She responded, telling him she couldn't seem to keep his class reverent during the prayer, song, scripture verse, and short talk given at the beginning of their Primary opening exercises. It was then she asked him if he would be willing to help her by setting a good example for the other boys in his class.

In no time at all the Blazer boys were one of the best classes during the first several minutes of Primary. President Monson wrote:

"Strangely to me, but not to Melissa, that ended any problem of reverence in that Primary. She had gone to the source of the problem — me. The solution was love" (Thomas S. Monson, “Come Listen to a Prophet’s Voice: Love,” Friend, Feb 2002).

The story of this wonderful woman and President Monson doesn't end there. I would invite you to click on the link above to read the rest.

Even those called to be prophets, apostles, and leaders were once children: at times precocious and michievous, and yet ready to learn to choose the right. We all start out needing to be guided in the right way, and the guidance most definitely should come through love.

If this same woman had chastised young Tommy, or made him feel as though he were being bad, things could have turned out so differently. I'm certain she must have prayed repeatedly to know how to help the boys in the Blazer class recognize the need to find a more reverent frame of mind during the first few minutes in class.

Even at a young age President Monson was obviously empathic towards the feelings of others. His heart was good and kind, if a bit roudy at times. Little choices like accepting the call to help his Primary leader led him to be the man he is today.

"It has been said that the gate of history turns on small hinges, and so do people's lives. The choices we make determine our destiny" (Thomas S. Monson "Choose You This Day," Ensign, Nov. 2004).

If we desire our children, and those children we teach, to choose the right way we must take even the tiniest matters of concern to the Lord in prayer. We must be vigilant in listening to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, and above all we must treat these chidlren with love. Indeed, we must look upon them as though we were raising the next prophet of the Lord.

For more information on the life of Thomas S. Monson, please visit:

http://www.mormonwiki.com/Thomas_S._Monson

http://www.lightplanet.com/mormons/people/thomas_s_monson.html

For someone who was so perfect, I can imagine being around those who were so close to perfection themselves brought Christ much joy. He loved the little children. We have record of this in the Bible.

In Luke chapter eighteen we find parents bringing their infants to Christ. I know if I’d had the opportunity to watch my child interact with the Savior I would certainly not want to pass it up. The Lord’s disciples tried to shoo the parents away. Perhaps they thought there were more important things for the Savior to attend to, or perhaps they didn’t want to tire Him. I don’t know. Christ’s response goes a long way to showing how precious children truly are to Him.

“But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God” (Luke 18:16).

In those few words we are taught the qualities reminiscent of heaven. We are invited to become childlike. Do not mistake this for acting childish. There is a big difference.

What are childlike qualities? We can find some incredible examples in the Book of Mormon, another testament of Christ.

“For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father” (Mosiah 3:19).

Children are submissive. Okay, perhaps most children are submissive. I can’t say this is true of every child, but for my own children I’ve noticed the ages between three and five are very submissive. When I ask them to do something I rarely get whining, or arguing, or indifference. If I say we can’t get a special treat from the store, they understand I would if I could, but that there are reasons I can’t at that moment.

Children are meek. They crave peace and a happy heart. Certainly the natural man has tendencies towards violence and selfishness, but the natural man does not control our bodies. Our spirits do. In all their innocence children are not inclined to hurt without provocation. Even my youngest, who’s not yet two, would rather give kisses and hugs than willfully hurt a member of her family.

Children are humble. They need constant uplifting words to help them realize just how wonderful they truly are. But they never let their successes go to their heads. They are just as excited when others succeed.

Children are patient. Of course some are more patient than others. Have you ever asked your child to hang on “for just a minute,” only to remember they had asked something of you three hours later? Though they may pester you about something repeatedly, they are willing to “hang on” until the moment is right.

Children are full of love. I’d like to write that again. Children are full of love! Their entire lives revolve around being loved and loving others. They crave it. They long to give it. One of my children will take every opportunity to tell me he loves me. He does it through word and touch. I know it’s how he feels love the most, and so I try to let him know how much I love him in much the same way.

Children willingly submit to all things the Lord asks of them. My children have seen an awful lot of death in their short lives. Though they may not understand all of the reasons why, they are often the ones telling me that it’s okay. Heavenly Father knows what He’s doing. Children don’t always need to know the reasons. Think about how often they submit to our everyday requests. For the most part I am not asked to explain my reasons for wanting them to hold my hand in the parking lot, or why they should clean up their plate after dinner. Do we, as children of God, willingly submit to the Father when He asks us to do something we don’t understand?

In our efforts to become more like Christ, let us not ignore those beautiful qualities we see in our own children. They are, after all, such as the kingdom of God.

Mention the word ‘work’ to your kids and you can clear a room faster than a frog catching a fly. Children are growing up in these days lacking the work ethic generations past have shown. If a job is ‘too hard,’ kids are more likely to give up than go the distance.

I’m not saying all kids are afraid and unwilling to work. I’ve seen many who can outdistance some teenagers in what they’re willing and able to accomplish. There are also those who dearly want to help out around the house and yard, but without proper guidance don’t know what to do or how to do it.

Guidance is they key word. One of the greatest compliments I’ve heard given to a mother, said: “She never asked us to do anything without being right there with us to help.” This particular woman had nine children, and a husband who was gone much of the time for work. She didn’t want it spread around the neighborhood that he wasn’t around and so for many years no one knew how much time she spent alone with her children. If she hadn’t taught them to work, it would have been overwhelming.

This family had a BIG garden. Every day this mother was out with her children, showing them which plants were vegetables and which were weeds, and how much water everything needed. When it was time to harvest, the family could be seen outside gathering fruits from trees and veggies from the garden. From a young age boys and girls alike helped in canning what they harvested to help them make it through the year.

For many years I was the exact opposite. I would shoo my children out of the way so I could just get the work done, whether it was cooking, cleaning, or laundry. I didn’t realize just how much my oldest wanted to work with me, not have me do it for her. Fortunately my kids have a father who’s a little more patient, and even taught me how to settle down and take the time to teach our children to work.

The best time to begin teaching a child the value of working hard is in their youth. “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

Joseph B. Wirthlin, an apostle in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (also known as the Mormon Church), spoke briefly of the importance of teaching this value to children.

“Teach your young children to work, and teach them that honest labor develops dignity and self-respect. Help them to find pleasure in work and to feel the satisfaction that comes from a job well done” (Joseph B. Wirthlin, “Spiritually Strong Homes and Families,” Ensign, May 1993).

Convincing children they want to work may at times seem overwhelming. Yet there can be an amazing sense of satisfaction when they’ve accomplished the task at hand. One of our most daunting rooms to clean belongs to my boys. It’s a terrifying sight, as I’m sure those who have boys can attest. It didn’t take long for me to learn that telling them it was time to go clean their room wouldn’t get the job done, and it’s not hard to tell why. Walking through the door (when you can get the door open) and looking at the mess could make even the bravest of men cower.

Here are a few things I learned to encourage my own children to get the job done:

1. Break it up into smaller parts. Whether you’re cleaning a room, washing dishes, or raking the leaves, break the big jobs up into something smaller. If you're working on a room, start with books, or a section of a messy room. Hand them plates first, if washing dishes. If you’re raking leaves, encourage them to start with one small section.

2. Find ways to make it a game. Set a timer and see just how much they can get done before it goes off. Sing a song. Take turns being ‘Supervisor’, and for five minutes let them be the boss.

3. Don’t be afraid to stop and play. Kids love to take play breaks. Just don’t make it too long or they’ll get off task. A mere thirty seconds can work wonders.

4. Don’t let the little things go. By that I mean make sure the job is complete. If they clean their room, make sure they check under the beds, even on top of their beds, or behind a bookshelf. Make sure books are lined up correctly, not just piled on top of each other. If you teach them to do it the right way when they’re young, they’ll continue to do so as they get older.

5. Reward them when they’re done. I’m not talking bribes. I’m talking rewards. Words to praise a good job done. Go to the park or the library. Make cookies together. Read their favorite book.

6. Most important – get in there with them. If you want them to clean their room, get in there and help. If you’re working outside, grab a rake or garbage bag and plow right in. Children learn best when guided by someone they love.

Now I can’t guarantee miracles, but you might find yourselves with some happy workers if you take a hand in helping them learn. As you continue to do this keep in mind as children get older some will want you to continue to help, others will want to try figuring things out themselves. Always be available to help when asked.

This can be a lot to ask, especially when both parents need to work, or there’s only one parent. It is not, however, impossible. If it ever feels like too much to handle, take it to your Heavenly Father. He can give you the strength you need and the opportunities required to do what is right by your children.

I promise you it will be worth the effort.

It’s a big step, moving to a new home, especially when it means uprooting your family. Children feel the upheaval and don’t often understand all the why’s and how’s. All they know is they’re being torn away from everything and everyone familiar.

Being the friend left behind can be difficult. Being the friend who had to make the move is even more difficult. At least the one left behind still has familiar haunts, other friends, and the same school.

We moved when I was eight years old. Leaving my very best friend in the whole entire world was harder than I could have imagined. It felt like we had disappeared to the other side of the world. Sure our new house was bigger, and I loved the view of the valley from our front porch. It didn’t stop the ache in my heart for familiar sights and sounds.

The friend who moves has a lot more to deal with: a new home, no friends, a new school to explore. It’s intimidating going up to complete strangers and asking if they’ll be your friends. Rejection is prepared for, though acceptance is always hoped for.

I was lucky. My teacher ‘assigned’ me to a little girl named Christa, who had a great big heart and accepted me right away. Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (nicknamed Mormon Church) helped a lot as well. There in my Primary class I found even more friends, and soon settled into a fairly happy life.

It didn’t stop me from looking forward to each and every letter my very best friend in the whole world would send me from time to time. We were occasionally allowed to call each other, but this was never the same. As life continued, we eventually stopped writing altogether. This was natural, of course. We had to move on with our new lives. Keeping contact with her, even for that little while, helped me to deal with the loss of my old life.

I now live about half a mile away from where I lived all those years ago. Turns out it’s a whopping twenty minute drive to my parents’ house, not quite the other side of the world I had thought it was as a child. Whether you move around the corner or across the world, there are a few things you can do to make the transition easier for your child.

The invention of the Internet is an extraordinary blessing. Take advantage of the ability to send e-mails. If your kids are too young to write, sit down and help them type something up for their friend.

Let your child take pictures of your new area. Include one of your house, a local park, his new school, her new church. Encourage your child to send these pictures to friends over an e-mail, or through snail mail. It’ll be a great way to help him connect his old life with his new.

If you haven’t moved too far away, invite your child’s old friend(s) over for an afternoon. Let them explore the new house, yard, and neighborhood. Invite them to come to church. It’ll help your child look at his new area with new eyes.

What about those who’ve moved too far away for a visit? If you’re lucky enough to have a cell phone, let your child call when you’ve got some free minutes. Just hearing the voice of her best friend will do so much to lighten the emotional load.

Moving can be terribly difficult for a child. It does not, no matter how much he or she insists, have to be the end of the world.

I think there are, perhaps, many of us who would have loved to live at the time of Christ. The thought of walking with Him, talking with Him, and even watching as He blessed little children brings joy to my heart.

One of my favorite songs as a child in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or Mormon Church, is still around even today. In the Children’s Songbook, a collection of songs put together specifically for children, there is one titled, “I Think When I Read That Sweet Story.”

I think when I read that sweet story of old,
When Jesus was here among men,
How he called little children like lambs to his fold;
I should like to have been with him then.
I wish that his hands had been placed on my head,
That his arms had been thrown around me,
That I might have seen his kind look when he said,
“Let the little ones come unto me.”

This beautiful, simple song is connected to two scriptures. The first can be found in the New Testament of the Bible.

“But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God” (Luke 18:16).

I would imagine you couldn’t get much closer to the mysteries of heaven than through the tender, innocent, all-encompassing love of a child.

At the time of His resurrection, Christ spoke of another people He needed to visit.

“And other sheep I have, which are not of this fold: them also I must bring, and they shall hear my voice; and there shall be one fold, and one shepherd” (John 10:16).

These “other sheep” he mentions were in the Americas. The other scripture mentioned for the song is found in the Book of Mormon, another testament of Jesus Christ, which details this visit. During His visit to the people, he called specifically for the children to be brought to Him.

“And it came to pass that he commanded that their little children should be brought. So they brought their little children and set them down upon the ground round about him, and Jesus stood in the midst; and the multitude gave way till they had all been brought unto him…

“And when he had said these words, he wept, and the multitude bare record of it, and he took their little children, one by one, and blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them. And when he had done this he wept again; And he spake unto the multitude, and said unto them: Behold your little ones. And as they looked to behold they cast their eyes towards heaven, and they saw the heavens open, and they saw angels descending out of heaven as it were in the midst of fire; and they came down and encircled those little ones about, and they were encircled about with fire; and the angels did minister unto them” (3 Nephi 17:11-12, 21-25).

Can you even imagine what it must have been like for those children, to have been blessed by the Savior, to have been taught by angels. What an extraordinary experience for those little children.

Yes, I would have liked to have lived at the time of Christ. Yet I am grateful to be born in this day and age as well. For even though I may not get to walk and talk with Christ as He lived then, I can certainly continue to live in a way that I can keep His spirit with me now. I know, without a doubt, that I will be blessed for doing so, just as the children were blessed hundreds of years ago.

My kids came home from Primary (children’s organization for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, nicknamed Mormons) a few weeks ago sporting a new ring on their fingers. It wasn’t the first time they’d received these rings, nor would it be the last. Of course, at only ten cents apiece it’s not too hard for us to replace.

I’m talking about the CTR ring. CTR stands for ‘Choose the Right.’ The letters are typically encased in the shape of a shield. The shield is to act as a reminder that when we choose the right, we will be protected against temptation and sin.

This simple, gospel truth is taught to children as early as three and four because it’s never too early to start training someone to make right choices. Not only is this concept taught within church classes, but it should also be taught in the home. Brothers and sisters should be taught how to choose the right way of dealing with one another. Parents should show by example what it means to choose the right. When your children get old enough, lessons should be taught about why it’s important to choose the right.

This concept is taught repeatedly in the scriptures. Consequences for wrong choices as well as right choices are clearly outlined. It’s important to note that even when you choose the right, it doesn’t mean things will always go well. Consider the life of Christ. He always made the right choice, yet He was still reviled, beaten, and eventually crucified. The hard choices and trials of His life never swayed His desire to choose the right.

In the Book of Mormon, another testament of Christ, we can read about two young men, Amulek and Alma, who found people that were following false teachings. Amulek tried to convert them to the true gospel, but found a problem with a man named Zeezrom. Zeezrom was an expert in the devices of the devil and challenged Amulek’s teachings.

“And Zeezrom said again: Shall he save his people in their sins? And Amulek answered and said unto him: I say unto you he shall not, for it is impossible for him to deny his word” (Alma 11:34).

Zeezrom proceeded to taunt Amulek, as the wicked will often do to those who desire to choose the right. Amulek’s response, however, shows the strength of his testimony.

“And I shall say unto you again that he cannot save them in their sins; for I cannot deny his word, and he hath said that no unclean thing can inherit the kingdom of heaven; therefore, how can ye be saved, except ye inherit the kingdom of heaven? Therefore, ye cannot be saved in your sins. ...

“And he shall come into the world to redeem his people; and he shall take upon his the transgressions of those who believe on his name; and these are they that shall have eternal life, and salvation cometh to none else.

“Therefore the wicked remain as though there had been no redemption made, except it be the loosing of the bands of death; for behold, the day cometh that all shall rise from the dead and stand before God, and be judged according to their words” (Alma 11: 31, 40-41).

Amulek converted many over to the Lord’s church. Even Zeezrom, after come serious tribulation and a blessing of healing, repented of his ways and joined.

L. Tom Perry, a member of the Latter-day Saint Church and apostle of God, wrote on the vastness of our choices.

“We live today in a world so full of choices. Television offers both the good and the bad. Bookstores are full of publications offering the right and the wrong. Very few movies are worthy of seeing because of the profanity, violence, and immorality that fill them. Advertising is full of enticements to lead us to violate the Word of Wisdom. Some music, with its monotonous rhythms, beats illicit thoughts into our heads” (L. Tom Perry, “Choose the Right,” Ensign, Nov 1993).

Brother Perry encourages us to “offset the worldly messages that entice us to choose the wrong.” We are taught that to help us along the path the Lord has given us different symbols of purity. One of these symbols is the CTR ring. Of course the emblem itself can be found on more than just a ring. Necklaces, tie tacks, lapel pins can all be found with the initials CTR.

I still wear a CTR ring, though it looks quite a bit different from the first one I received in Primary so many years ago. I like to have the ring for one simple reason. It’s prominent position on my finger is constantly seen, and helps to remind me and those who notice is, that the Lord wants us to choose the right.

There’s nothing like a hug to help someone feel loved, especially a child. What better day to talk about the magic a hug can produce than on National Hugging Day.

Okay so it may not actually be a national holiday, as an act of Congress is the only way to come by those. It certainly hasn’t stopped us from officially celebrating this on January 21st since way back in 1986.

My oldest child is a champion hugger, just ask anyone who attends our ward (the word for a large congregation in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or Mormon Church). There are those who can hardly wait for their weekly hug. My daughter gives these to impart to others her love. This sweet spirit of God has truly been given a gift when it comes to sharing her hugs.

Why is it one such simple act can be so completely endearing? Why set aside a whole day dedicated to the act?

I believe it all has to do with love, even in the smallest amount. You cannot wrap your arms around another being without sending over a bit of love. Neither can one feel unmoved by the gift of a gentle embrace.

I have seen the magic it can work on a despairing or frightened child, a grieving or sorrowful heart, or in dispelling the mental clouds of a gloomy day. A hug is the quickest way to share in the joy of another, to express how much you’ve missed someone long gone, or to tell another they are one of the most precious things in your life.

Have you ever felt the power two little arms of a child can have? My most favorite hugs come from my children, for I know they are never given hesitantly. Whenever I am blessed to feel their embraces, my world becomes a little brighter, my load in life a little lighter. I cannot accept a hug from one of them without wishes to return the favor wholeheartedly.

If you’re not comfortable with hugging, I say practice. Someone so very dear to my heart once told me he grew up not knowing if his father even loved him. The father never touched his children except in anger. He never said those three vital words every child longs to hear. One hug, he has said, would have gone so far to let him know he was loved, even just a little.

This man didn’t want his own children to grow up in such a home. Due to the bad example of his father, he wasn’t very comfortable with hugging, or other expressions of love, but he practiced every day. At times it was a struggle to break free of his father’s influence, but I can testify to you he is now one of the most huggable men I know. I have watched him with his children, who are all now grown, and none of them can be in doubt as to his love. They all receive a hug when they walk in the door, and another when they leave.

If you want children who can express love, teach them by example. My youngest is quite a mimic, even at a mere 1 ½ years old. At times she’s so funny copying her older brothers and sister, as well as Dad and I, and at others we find it’s necessary to watch ourselves in front of her.

“A child learns more by imitation than in any other way. Don’t we all? And the persons he imitates most blindly and trustingly are bound to be his parents” – George Sanderlin.

So on this day find someone to hug, especially a child. Celebrate the magic of a simple hug. Give one to each member of your family. Give one to your most favorite friends. Share a bit of your love with others.

The year 2000 was very difficult for my family. My husband and I were anxiously awaiting the newest addition to our family: a little brother for our then two-year old daughter. We realized she couldn’t fully understand why we had her talking to my belly so often. She only knew the act made us smile.

I woke up really early one morning to labor pains. Several hours later I held my baby boy in my arms while my husband, father, and older brother quickly placed their hands on his head and gave him a name and a priesthood blessing. As they removed their hands from his tiny head the doctor approached and declared his passing at 4:20 pm.

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (also known as Mormon Church) we knew this was certainly not the end. Through the Plan of Salvation we realized this was, in all likelihood, something we'd agreed on before we came to earth. Not only that but we knew we'd have the chance to raise him again in the Millennium. At two-years old, however, there was no way our daughter could fully understand these concepts.

A week later I found my daughter standing on a chair. As I reached over to pull her down she patted my belly and said, “Hi baby.” I looked to my husband who stood in the doorway and tried not to cry. It wasn’t the same reaction she’d always had before, and she didn’t understand what was wrong. Needless to say, she didn’t do it again.

I wish I could say the hardships ended there. About four months later both my husband and daughter went over to his parents’ house to work in the yard for a time. His mother wasn’t feeling well, hadn’t been for quite a while, and went to lie down while he worked. About an hour later he was ready to go. Our daughter refused to leave before they said goodbye to Grandma one last time.

My husband said he knew even before he approached his mother that she was dead. He immediately yelled for his dad to call 911 and proceeded to do mouth-to-mouth, my daughter watching on. The next several minutes were spent in frantic confusion. He called me at home and told me to come, fast. I didn’t get there in time to save our little girl from seeing the paramedics come, put Grandma on a stretcher, and take her away.

For months afterward she was terrified of ambulances, certain they were going to take away another loved one. She had nightmares every night. We had to bring her into our bed, as she refused to stay in her room alone, and if she awoke during the night couldn’t go to sleep until she knew both of us were still there. It took several more months before she eventually went back into her own bed.

She kept asking to go see her grandma, and whenever we’d go to visit Grandpa she would call through the house for her. We tried to explain Grandma was up in heaven now. It didn’t occur to us that she didn’t understand where heaven was until we took a trip with Grandpa up to Idaho for a family reunion. Once we got to the motel, our daughter began to ask when we were going to pick Grandma up. Apparently she thought heaven was in Idaho.

Of course she’s several years older now, and has experienced a lot more loss through death. It hasn’t made the experiences any easier. She still feels the grief as best she knows how.

I bare all these painful memories to the world in order to give you one big message: there are times we, as parents, must put aside our own grief in order to help our children. We must never, ever make a child think what they are feeling isn’t important, or not as significant as the pain we ourselves are feeling.

Children will react to grief in different ways. My daughter needed us next to her at night. Another child I know of cried every time her mother disappeared from sight, even if it was just to walk behind the car. One darling little boy has seen so much heartache in his short life the only way he knows how to deal with it is through hitting.

Don't be afraid to take your child to a counselor. They are trained in how to help a child deal with tragic things like death. Above all, don't forget to include your Heavenly Father in how to help your child. His inspirations can go a long way to helping all of you deal with grief.

I know if my husband and I had not given our daughter the physical and emotional support she required at the time, things could have turned out so differently for all of us. I am so grateful our Heavenly Father helped us to help her during that difficult year.

One of the hardest questions for me to answer is, “How many kids do you have?” When we’re all piled on a bench together you’ll see my husband and me with four pretty cute kids. But someone’s always missing.

Early on in the year 2000 I gave birth to our second child – a boy who we named after his father. Unknown to us he had suffered what is called a diaphragmatic hernia while still in the womb. He lived only one hour and twelve minutes.

While in the ICU doctors, nurses, and paramedics all stood around as my husband, father, and older brother placed their hands on our baby’s head to give him a name and a priesthood blessing, thus sealing him to our family forever. A few days later we buried him. My other four children have never met him in this life, but this brother is very much a part of their lives. You can ask any one of them and they’ll tell you all about their brother.

In a later appointment my doctor told me when most of the couples he works with lose a child it’s beyond devastating. He's watched as the experience has ripped apart marriages. It breaks their spirits.

He then told me those who are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints typically become stronger – both in their marriage and individually. This has much to do with what has been revealed by latter-day prophets from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or Mormon Church as it is also known.

One of these revelations tells us we lived before we were born. We existed with our Heavenly Father before the opportunity came to gain a body. He knew us, walked with us, talked with us, long before we entered our mortal estate. During that pre-earth life we were able to learn and grow, much as we do now. We were even allowed to make decisions about our lives here on earth. We knew there would be trials and hardships we would need to endure in order to progress quickly in this life.

The day our son died my husband and I were visited by our then bishop (leader of our congregation). Through the power of the priesthood and the laying on of hands by the bishop and my husband, I was able to receive a priesthood blessing. Through this blessing I was told that our son had a mission. He stopped here for just a moment to gain a body, and then he had to get back to a vital work taking place on the other side.

I was then told something I’d always known, but had never really appreciated before. My Heavenly Father promised me that if I were to remain faithful in His Church, I would again have the chance to raise my son during the Millennium (1,000 years of peace after the resurrection).

“When a baby dies, it goes back into the spirit world, and the spirit assumes its natural form as an adult, for we were all adults before we were born.

When a child is raised in the resurrection, the spirit will enter the body and the body will be the same size as it was when the child died. It will then grow after the resurrection to full maturity to conform to the size of the spirit.

If parents are righteous, they will have their children after the resurrection” Joseph Fielding Smith, “Selections From Doctrines of Salvation,” p. 547).

It is a blessing to me, knowing that in all likelihood my husband and I accepted to have this happen. It is a blessing to know what our knowledge of what came before this mortal life means for us here and now, especially when our son’s birthday is so quickly followed by Easter, reminding us of the blessing of the Atonement and Resurrection.

If we stay strong, if we live as worthily as possible, my husband and I will get the chance to raise our son in a time when the wicked influence of Satan cannot abound. We have been promised this many times. The inspiration of our little boy encourages both my husband and I to strive harder in our efforts to become better people. We do not want to lose that precious opportunity to raise him.

The death of a child is tragic, and should certainly be grieved. I testify it is not the end of hope. Take it from someone who knows.

I stood outside the school doors one day, waiting for my oldest to get out of school. My boys were playing on the nearby playground, and the baby lay tucked tight in her stroller.

It usually took a few minutes after the bell would ring for my oldest to find her way to us, but it was never a problem until one particular day. A group of girls came walking over to the area right outside the door and were met by another group. It was clear from the first filthy words out of their mouths this was not a friendly encounter. In fact, I wanted to cover my baby’s ears, even if she didn’t understand what was being said. I was grateful my boys were playing a little ways off so they couldn’t hear the offensive words.

Even more distressing than the words for me, was the sight of one particular girl right in the middle of the group whose language was among the worst. I knew her. Not only was she a member of our church (the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints – or Mormon Church), she was a member of my daughter’s Primary class (organization for children 3-11).

This young lady didn’t see me until after the fight had ended. I can’t imagine what she saw upon my face: shock, dismay, disgust? I felt them all. Most of all I felt sorrow. It hurt me that this little girl, who at eleven was so close to graduating into the Young Women program (for teen girls age 12-17) where I taught, had chosen to bring such ugliness into her life.

I talked with my daughter about the situation later that night. Turns out this girl had quite a history of dirty language – something I know her family did not condone within the home. She had learned it at school. I asked my daughter if she had ever been tempted to swear. Not only had she been tempted, she admitted to having let a few words slip out.

At this point I decided it was time to talk about ways to keep her language clean. First we discussed why it can be so hard. As parents we don’t realize just how often our children’s ears are affronted with the most unsavory language. The more they hear these words, the more they start to think them. The more they think them, the easier it is for these words to creep up into everyday conversations.

This doesn’t mean those ugly words have to stay there. Just like developing the habit of swearing, children can be taught other habits to replace the bad words. My daughter and I thought up a few ideas of what to do when tempted to swear.

Pray. Praying is a direct communication to our Heavenly Father, and as we learn from the Book of Mormon, another testament of Jesus Christ, “...and no unclean thing can dwell with God” (1 Nephi 10:21). When temptation hits, turn to God and ask for His help in taking the desire to swear away. It doesn’t have to be a prayer where you kneel down in the middle of the playground with arms folded, eyes closed, and head bowed. It can be a silent prayer of the heart.

Think of a hymn or Primary song. In our home music is practically ever-present. My daughter and I talked about two or three different songs to sing when the temptation to swear happens, or when one of her friends does it.

I also suggested she talk with her friends about not wanting to swear and enlisting their help in keeping all language around her clean. When friends rally around in support of whatever goal you set, it makes accomplishing it much easier. It also encourages them to stand strong in the face of temptation.

I am amazed with my children as they come home from school day after day with a smile on their faces. After that brief encounter outside the school doors it took me days to recover from the darkness that had settled over me. Yet my children meet the onslaught of nasty words head on. They don’t come out unscathed, but they learn to be stronger than the temptation.

A sweet woman my husband works with has twin girls just a year older than my own daughter. Every six months or so she goes through her girls’ closet and locates all the clothes that are too small and lovingly hands them over to us. These gifts of clothes come as quite a blessing and we dearly appreciate her thinking of us first. With some of the clothes, however, there is one problem. They’re not very modest.

I will admit to being disturbed by the fashion trends geared towards pre-teen girls. In fact, even when my daughter was seven it was difficult to find clothes that weren’t cut too high or too low, and I was often forced to buy shirts and shorts a size bigger just to ensure her body would be appropriately covered.

The idea of being modest needs to be taught early in a child’s life. Think of where your child will be in five years. What do you want your child to hold important then that you can start teaching him/her about now?

I’ve been working with my daughter since she was about five to consider which clothes show too much skin, making them immodest. The idea of modesty is certainly not new. I would imagine many in today’s world consider the idea to be rather old-fashioned. Fortunately, old-fashioned doesn’t have to mean unnecessary.

I teach girls age 12-17 in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or Mormon Church as it is also known. Some of the girls are great when it comes to dressing modestly: skirts/dresses to the knee or below, shirts cut long on the bottom and not too low on the neck, clothes that don’t fit too tight. I can tell that these girls have been taught since they were young what dressing modestly is all about.

Other girls have a harder time with the idea. I don't know if it’s by their own choice, or because they were never taught what being modest in their dress is all about. In those cases we, as leaders, try to help them on an individual basis to subtly modify their clothes to become more modest. It’s also important to tell them why. (If you’d like a guide on how to dress modestly, go to “Staying Modest".)

Why is it so important to teach our children to be modest?

“Our body is a gift from God; it is necessary for us to progress; we had to come to earth to get it; we must take care of it; one of the blessings of having a body is that someday we will be able to create other bodies” (Terrance D. Olson, “Teaching Morality to Your Children,” Ensign, Mar 1981).

When it comes to teaching children about anything, even about why we should be modest, keep it simple. They don’t need a lot of details. Most of what we know they would never fully understand. Only when your children get a little older will they require a little more knowledge.

Think about how God teaches us. We can read in Isaiah 28:13,

“But the word of the LORD was unto them precept upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little.”

We see this idea again in the Book of Mormon, another testament of Christ, when we look in 2 Nephi 28:30.

“For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have.”

As we grow in the things of the spirit and become prepared, the Lord will grant us with more knowledge. It’s important we treat our children the same thing.

“By teaching the Lord’s view on moral cleanliness, we are offering our children a standard by which alternative views can be seen for what they really are: alternatives to the Lord’s view” (Terrance D. Olson, “Teaching Morality to Your Children,” Ensign, Mar 1981).

The Lord wants us to have healthy, beautiful bodies, and to keep them appropriately dressed.

Going through the clothes freely given to us by my husband’s co-worker, I find it’s now possible to give my daughter the lead as to what she wants to keep and what we will give away. Though she may not understand all of the reasons it's important to remain appropriately dressed, she has learned how to judge what is modest. I can testify this will be a strength to her as she gets older.

Every year the general (worldwide) leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (otherwise known by the nickname “Mormons”) put together a theme to help bring Primary children (age 3-11) closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus. For 2008 the theme is “I Am a Child of God” and the scripture is taken from Psalm 82:6, “All of you are children of the most high.”

This theme and scripture are part of a booklet provided to Primary leaders to help guide them through the year in the lessons and songs they are to put together for the children. (For more on the Primary organization please visit "What Is Primary.") The first thing we read in the booklet is a message to each Primary Presidency. I’d like to share with you a portion of this message.

“This year we will be helping each Primary child gain a testimony that he or she is a child of God…Our Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us. It includes the love and redeeming power of our Savior Jesus Christ, restored gospel truths, family, covenants, and temple blessings…They will learn to pray, keep the commandments, make and keep covenants, and express gratitude in word and deed. As leaders…you will be able to teach from the scriptures, bear testimony, and be an example.”

Included in this booklet we can find instructions and ideas for ‘Sharing Time,’ which is time set aside for the presidency to teach a quick lesson to the children. Each month has a separate theme to help magnify that of the year. For example, September’s Theme is ‘I can pray to Heavenly Father, and He will hear and answer my prayers.’ To help clarify this we have a scripture found in the Book of Mark.

“Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them” (Mark 11:24).

Next the leaders are given weekly gospel principles. In week one we read: “I learn about prayer from the scriptures (Matthew 6:9-15; Enos 1:1-18; D&C 88:63; Joseph Smith – History 1:14-20; Primary 7, lesson 11).” These help guide the leaders in what they are to teach the children for that week. Leaders can look for additional help in the Friend magazine, where other sharing time ideas are provided.

Along with guidelines for sharing time throughout the year, the leaders are also given guidelines for a Sacrament Meeting presentation (Sacrament Meeting is our main meeting where we all gather together to bless and partake of the Sacrament, as well as receive further instruction by fellow members and leaders). Once a year the leaders, teachers, and children of the Primary are invited to put together a special presentation all their own, centered around the main theme. Each child is given a chance to participate with a speaking part as well as songs they have learned throughout the year. For the most part these songs come from the Children’s Songbook, though many also come from our Hymnbook as well.

The presentation is probably my favorite of the entire year. There is something so amazing about watching children as young as three and four, going up to eleven, working so hard and feeling so pleased with themselves when it’s all over. Standing up in front of a congregation can be intimidating for adults. To watch our little ones find the courage to state such basic truths not only helps to strengthen their testimonies, they remind us about the beauty of our gospel as well.

Have you ever taken a walk with a child, either to school, around the block, or just for a little saunter down the street? Have you noticed they have to stop and look at every single weed, rock, and bug you pass? While most of us as adults would rather get to our destination as quickly as possible, I think it’s important for us to once in a while stop and share in the joy of the world God has created for us.

January is the official month to “Celebrate Life.” Ironically I recently gave a lesson about the importance of life in my Young Women class (girls 12-17 in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, otherwise known as Mormons). In it President David O. McKay, a former leader of our church, relates a story about Helen Keller.

“Have you ever read Helen Keller’s comment on a girl who had just taken a walk in the woods, who in answer to Helen’s question, ‘What did you observe?’ replied, ‘Nothing in particular.’

“ ‘How is it possible,’ Helen asked herself, ‘to walk for an hour through the woods and see nothing worthy of note? I, who cannot see, find hundreds of things to interest me through mere touch. I feel the delicate symmetry of a leaf. I pass my hands lovingly about the smooth skin of a silver birch, or the rough shaggy bark of a pine. In the spring I touch the branches of trees hopefully in search of a bud, the first sign of awakening Nature after her winter’s sleep. Occasionally, if I am very fortunate, I place my hand gently on a small tree and feel the happy quiver of a bird in full song.

“ ‘At times my heart cries out with longing to see all these things with physical eyes, but if I can get so much pleasure from mere touch, how much more beauty must be revealed by sight. And I have imagined what I should most like to see if I were granted the use of my eyes—even for just three days!’ ” (“Lesson 32: The Importance of Life,” Young Women Manual 2).

I love nature passionately, and find myself frequently looking to it when I need peace, comfort, or the joy of beauty. I especially love to take a short walk to a particular overpass (a road that leads over a highway) where I can see much of the Salt Lake Valley. The mountains to the east or the west, whether in summer or winter, frequently take my breath away. Sunset is perhaps my favorite time, especially as myriads of colors splash the mountains, drenching them in pinks, yellows, and purples. I love to see the way the clouds are painted in brilliant orange, complimented by the darkening blue sky behind. I especially love that if you blink, it has all changed, becoming something even more remarkable.

God gave us this world because he loves us. We can read this in Doctrine and Covenants 59:16-20.

"Verily I say, that inasmuch as ye do this, the fulness of the earth is yours, the beasts of the field and the fowls of the air, and that which climbeth upon the trees and walketh upon the earth; Yea, and the herb, and the good things which come of the earth, whether for food or for raiment, or for houses, or for barns, or for orchards, or for gardens, or for vineyards; Yea, all things which come of the earth, in the season thereof, are made for the benefit and the use of man, both to please the eye and to gladden the heart; Yea, for food and for raiment, for taste and for smell, to strengthen the body and to enliven the soul. And it pleaseth God that he hath given all these things unto man; for unto this end were they made to be used, with judgment, not to excess, neither by extortion" (italics added).

God wanted us to have the good things of this world because it pleaseth Him. He charges us to treat these things with judgement. We must be cautious in how we use the good things of this earth.

There is another part of life that can bring us so much more joy than the things of this earth. I have five of my own, though one passed on just after his birth. My children are the greatest joy of my life. They are the reason I continue in my goal to be a good parent, a good wife, and a good daughter of God. As I look at my children I realize how much of a gift they are, entrusted to me by my Heavenly Father to raise them with love, understanding, and patience. I take joy in their little accomplishments, knowing I played a part in helping learn something new.

If we are to treat this earth with judgement, taking care of it and the creatures upon it, how much more important is it for us to rear our children in the ways of God? How much more precious must they be in His his sight?

Take the opportunity to behold not only the little ones in your life, but the world they are fascinated with, and join in the celebration of life this month.

It’s a pleasant moment for any parent or guardian to find their child (or children) choosing to do something right. It is especially sweet when it's the result of our own example and teaching. Too often parents allow school, television, or other leaders to help rear their children.

"The Lord has placed this duty with mothers and fathers. It is one from which we cannot escape and one that cannot be delegated. Others may help, but parents remain accountable. Therefore, we must guard the sanctity of our homes because that is where children develop their values, attitudes, and habits for everyday living" (M. Russell Ballard, “Teach the Children,” Ensign, May 1991).

It is in the home children gain their first insights into how we should treat one another. My little 1 1/2 year old mimics almost everything we do. At times this is quite funny. Other times it's an eye-opener. It has certainly made me pay much more attention to how I treat my children.

"What a beautiful place this world will be when every father and mother see the importance of teaching their children the principles that will help them be happy and successful. Parents teach best when they lead by good example; govern their little ones with patience, kindness, and love unfeigned; and have the same spirit of love for children that Jesus exemplified" (M. Russell Ballard, “Teach the Children,” Ensign, May 1991).

At times our job as a parent can feel rather thankless. Therefore I am of the firm opinion we can give ourselves a mental pat on the back for a job well done, even while knowing our ‘job’ when it comes to children is far from finished.

One such experience happened to my husband and I around Halloween time.

A dear friend had given our kids some special Halloween treat bags. Each of these bags held a few snack bags of crackers, a pinwheel, as well as one of those paddles with a ball attached by elastic (for the life of me I can’t recall the name).

It didn’t take long before, one by one, the elastic on each of the paddles broke until our oldest was the only one with the ball still attached to the paddle. One night as she washed dishes for us, one of her brothers asked if he could play with her paddle. She said yes. Not even two minutes later he came to me, tears in his eyes, holding the (now) two separate pieces in his little hands.

I tried to comfort him, even offering to tell his sister what happened. “I think I need to tell her what I did,” he said. Before I could say another word he walked into the kitchen to tell his sister he had broken her toy. Dad and I listened from the living room. She was upset at first, but with a gentle, “I’m sorry” (and a few quick words from us) she easily forgave him.

To be completely honest we found ourselves incredibly surprised that our kids had actually learned one of the many lessons we, and their teachers, continually try to teach them. At times those who are in charge of children are never certain if their little ears truly hear what’s being said. I think Heavenly Father, in His infinite wisdom, knew we would need the occasional witness that all the effort we put into our kids is doing them some good.

Watching our son choose to tell the truth and our daughter choosing to forgive him was one of those moments for us.

I’m certainly not trying to brag here. The very next day this same sweet boy told us again and again, “Yes, I brushed my teeth” when we knew very well he hadn’t. We also witnessed our daughter stomping off into her room because she was, and I quote, “So sick and tired of my brothers following me everywhere!”

Sometimes you just have to take what you can get.

Playing in the yard. Going to the park. Taking a quick trip to the store. In every conceivable situation our children don’t even think about being safe. It’s just supposed to happen. Odds are they don’t fully understand the concept of staying safe. So what happens when that protective barrier has a hole or two?

One December when my oldest was almost three years old, she managed to escape the safe confines of our back yard. I had gone in to take a shower, and came out to absolute silence. I looked through the window. With no sign of her signature pink coat and bright yellow boots I completely freaked out. Pushing my sockless feet into shoes and running out the front door I began my frantic search for the sweetest little thing in my life.

There was no sight of her up or down our quiet street. Picking a direction I started running and yelling down the street. My next-door neighbor popped his head out to say he thought he saw her walking by his house, but wasn’t sure. He had, to my great relief, called the police.

As I continued on down the street I almost laughed (and sobbed) when I saw her telltale boot prints tracing a path in the gutter. You see, my daughter loved to splash through the snow and slush in the gutters. Without realizing it she had given me a way to find her. I began running down the sidewalk, occasionally looking over to see if the prints were still there.

Close to the end of the block a police car came driving toward me. A young woman rolled down the window and asked, “Have you seen a little girl in a pink coat?” to which I replied, “Have YOU seen a little girl in a pink coat?”

She quickly identified me as ‘Mom’ and told me to go one way around the block while she drove around the other. Two corners later I saw the most fantastic thing in the world: bright yellow boots and a pink coat still splashing along, following the path around the block.

About the time I caught her up in my arms the wonderful policewoman showed up and offered us a ride home. It was the first time in a police car for both of us (it had better be the last as well).

The point is, my daughter had no idea she was in danger. She was just taking a fun and familiar walk around the block, enjoying the scrunching and splashing made by boots in slush. Even though Mom wasn’t there, it was still my job to keep the world a safe place.

This concept must extend beyond physical safety. Our homes must become a haven here on earth, a place of beauty, of cleanliness, and a place where our children can find peace when things outside the home become scary or confusing. Our homes should be established in righteousness. They should be holy places. We as parents have the power to make our home a place of peace for our children.

M. Russell Ballard, a latter-day apostle of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (also known as Mormon Church), stated:

"But how do we bring that peace into the lives of children who are growing up in trying, troubling times? The best and most meaningful resources are found within the home where faithful, devoted parents and supportive brothers and sisters love one another and teach one another of their divine nature. Unfortunately, we live in a time when home and family values are under constant attack by Satan and his minions. We must ever recognize the significant and irreplaceable role of parents" (M. Russell Ballard, “‘Great Shall Be the Peace of Thy Children’,” Ensign, Apr 1994).

Whether it’s making the backyard a fortress, keeping predators at bay on the computer, locking up dangerous chemicals, or limiting their exposure to television, it is our responsibility to make their world a safer place until they are able to recognize the dangers. It starts even before they’re born and I would imagine goes until the day they die.

When we choose to have these precious beings in our home, we accept this responsibility. Obviously we will make mistakes, and hopefully everyone concerned won’t be hurt when this happens. The important thing for us as the adults is to learn from each blunder, patch up the holes in our safety net, and continue on keeping our children safe.