Children

When I was a girl, we had Cheerio’s, eggs or oatmeal for breakfast. That was about it. When we got tired of hard-boiled eggs, we’d try scrambled or fried. Pancakes with bacon were a special treat and were reserved for the weekend when we had more time. Boy, times have changed. For breakfast, my kids can have over 250 brands of boxed cereals. I can choose from bagged or boxed brands, organic brands, oat, wheat, spelt, barley or corn-based brands. My milk can be soy milk, rice milk, skim, 1%, 2%, or whole. It can be regular milk, “hormone-free” milk or organic milk. I can have regular eggs, egg whites, eggs from hormone-free farms, or eggs from free-range chickens. I can make waffles from scratch, choose from over 10 brands of pre-prepared mix, or from umpt... Read More

I am looking over my son’s shoulder as he plays on the computer. He can tell I am not happy. “Mom, it’s just a game,” says my six-year old as he plays a video game he found on the Internet. I ask about the objective of the game and he says it is to destroy his opponent. “I get points!” he tells me with enthusiasm. “I’m almost to level three!” How harmless were the beginnings of video games - a ball going from side to side in the mesmerizing game of Pong. The 80’s arrived with games like Pacman and Space Invaders and the 90’s brought us Sonic, Doom and Laura Croft, with more sex, violence, and more realistic graphics. I walked into a video game store last month to buy a CD game for my son’s birthday.... Read More

In the last three blogs, we’ve been trying to solve the puzzle of balance between being too lenient or too strict as a parent. This last blog talks of what we might think of as being “strict” – responsibility for our choices and consequences. Mormon apostle Boyd K. Packer tells us that knowledge, choice and responsibility are indeed the three pieces of the parenting puzzle: “There is no true freedom without responsibility, and there is no enduring freedom without a knowledge of the truth.” &#... Read More

In my last blog, I observed that balance between being too strict or too lenient is first found by giving our children knowledge. We help them know their own strength and power - they are children of God with unlimited potential. They can do anything! We teach commandments to show them the most efficient path to the goal. We teach them to follow the Savior as a mentor and example. We teach them to listen to the Holy Ghost who can give personal guidance and inspiration. Once they have correct knowledge, our children are ready to choose. In fact they usually sound like the famous words of Founding Father, Patrick Henry: ... Read More

This blog is the second in a series of four. In the last blog, I suggested that finding a balance between too strict or too lenient parenting can be found in the words and examples of God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. Finding the balance is not only important for the development of our children, it’s pretty important for the mental health of us parents. We can watch what He does and then try (and try again) to use it with our own children. The first piece of this parenting puzzle is knowledge. There are two basic things our Father in Heaven wants us to know before He gives us the next puzzle pieces of choice and responsibility. They are: 1. The Target - Where We are Going 2. The Rules of the Game – How to Get There 1. The Target... Read More

My last blog talked about the fire of free will – the power, intensity and capacity that our children have to choose. We are thrilled when they choose well and sad or frustrated when they choose poorly. We try to help them in their choices as best we can, but find that it can be a challenging puzzle. When are we helping them too much or too little in their choices? One friend commented, “I am strict in enforcing rules until I get too tired, then I let the kids do what they want until there is so much chaos I can’t stand it any more, then I get strict again.” I think all we all flip between the extremes at some point, neither extreme feeling right. So how do we find the balance? Our questions are r... Read More

“I do it myself!” shouts my three-year-old daughter as she struggles to put on her shoes. My offers to help are rejected as she fights to do something hard on her own. With a high level of frustration and intense and unrelenting determination, I am seeing free will in action. The emotional display of fireworks ranges in intensity with different personalities, but the desire to progress is universal. Our children learn new things every day - how to put on their shoes, ride a bike, do a math problem, spell a word, date, drive a car. Every day, the driving force of free will gives them the motivation to keep moving forward. Struggle goes with the territory of new experiences. Most people I know are comfortable with their own free will. They love the a... Read More

My son tells me that when he grows up he wants to be just like his dad. I smile, knowing that if he did, he would be a remarkable man. My smile grows wider. I tell my son that when I grow up, I want to be just like him. He looks at me, quite surprised. The scriptures tell us to “become as a little child.” The Savior pointed to a child when He was teaching a lesson on entering the kingdom of heaven. Our children can teach us much if we are ready. What are the great lessons we are supposed to learn? I have found that my children teach me in two ways. First, they teach me by example. Second, they give me an environment and opportunity to learn. If our eyes are open to it, we will recognize... Read More

Our violin teacher listened as my son played a piece at his lesson. He made an error on one passage and as he repeated the piece, he played the same mistake over again. She commented, “We all think practice makes perfect, but really, practice makes permanent.” To undo the mistake he had practiced 20 times, he had to re-learn the section and play it correctly about 50 times until the change started to become natural. Children are so easy to teach and absorb lessons so willingly. What we do every day in our homes is what is becoming permanent for our children. How we speak to our family members, our reaction to stress, time spent in entertainment or at work, and time spent together or apart is all becoming permanent. The small, seemingly insignificant thi... Read More

In the past decade, parents have heard much about our childrens' need for high self-esteem. Of course parents want happy and confident kids. What could be better? As concerned parents, we work hard to help our children become assured. We listen to them, praise them and speak positively to them. We provide them with structure, guidelines and responsibility; a framework to help them feel secure. We drive them to piano, soccer, ballet, art, and baseball to help them develop talents and skills so they can be confident in their own abilities. We help them with school so they feel good about their academic performance. Motivated by love, our efforts help them to develop in healthy ways. But in our great work, have we missed the simple truths of developing self-esteem? Have ... Read More

One day my husband asked our energetic four-year-old daughter, "Are you a peacemaker or a troublemaker?" She paused, then decisively pronounced, "I'm a piece of trouble!" In a world full of pieces of trouble and conflict at every turn, we are challenged to teach our children differently. We have the obligation as parents to teach peace. If we fail to teach peace in the home, it is unlikely that our children will learn the principles of peace in the world. We have daily opportunity to teach peace. Who gets the bigger cookie? How will chores be fairly divided? What should you do when brother hits? What if sister borrows your shoes without permission or brother breaks your best toy? From toddler to teenager, we have small but frequent opportunities in the home to teach p... Read More

It is perhaps one of my favorite stories Thomas S. Monson, 1st Counselor in the presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (often referred to as Mormon Church) tells of himself as a child. He was eleven at the time, and in Primary (program for children age 3-11). His class, the Blazers, included a group of very enthusiastic boys. Though he doesn't go into detail, I'd bet they caused a headache or two for the leaders of the Primary. One particular Sunday the Primary President, a grandmotherly woman by the name of Melissa, asked 'Tomm... Read More

For someone who was so perfect, I can imagine being around those who were so close to perfection themselves brought Christ much joy. He loved the little children. We have record of this in the Bible. In Luke chapter eighteen we find parents bringing their infants to Christ. I know if I’d had the opportunity to watch my child interact with the Savior I would certainly not want to pass it up. The Lord’s disciples tried to shoo the parents away. Perhaps they thought there were more important things for the Savior to attend to, or perhaps they didn’t want to tire Him. I don’t know. Christ’s response goes a long way to showing how precious children truly are to Him. “But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Suffer little childr... Read More

Mention the word ‘work’ to your kids and you can clear a room faster than a frog catching a fly. Children are growing up in these days lacking the work ethic generations past have shown. If a job is ‘too hard,’ kids are more likely to give up than go the distance. I’m not saying all kids are afraid and unwilling to work. I’ve seen many who can outdistance some teenagers in what they’re willing and able to accomplish. There are also those who dearly want to help out around the house and yard, but without proper guidance don’t know what to do or how to do it. Guidance is they key word. One of the greatest compliments I’ve heard given to a mother, said: “She never asked us to do anything without being right there w... Read More

It’s a big step, moving to a new home, especially when it means uprooting your family. Children feel the upheaval and don’t often understand all the why’s and how’s. All they know is they’re being torn away from everything and everyone familiar. Being the friend left behind can be difficult. Being the friend who had to make the move is even more difficult. At least the one left behind still has familiar haunts, other friends, and the same school. We moved when I was eight years old. Leaving my very best friend in the whole entire world was harder than I could have imagined. It felt like we had disappeared to the other side of the world. Sure our new house was bigger, and I loved the view of the valley from our front porch. It didn’t ... Read More

I think there are, perhaps, many of us who would have loved to live at the time of Christ. The thought of walking with Him, talking with Him, and even watching as He blessed little children brings joy to my heart. One of my favorite songs as a child in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or Mormon Church, is still around even today. In the Children’s Songbook, a collection of songs put together specifically for children, there is one titled, “I Think When I Read That Sweet Story.” I think when I read that sweet story of old, When Jesus ... Read More

My kids came home from Primary (children’s organization for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, nicknamed Mormons) a few weeks ago sporting a new ring on their fingers. It wasn’t the first time they’d received these rings, nor would it be the last. Of course, at only ten cents apiece it’s not too hard for us to replace. I’m talking about the CTR ring. CTR stands for ‘Choose the Right.’ The letters... Read More

There’s nothing like a hug to help someone feel loved, especially a child. What better day to talk about the magic a hug can produce than on National Hugging Day. Okay so it may not actually be a national holiday, as an act of Congress is the only way to come by those. It certainly hasn’t stopped us from officially celebrating this on January 21st since way back in 1986. My oldest child is a champion hugger, just ask anyone who attends our ward (the word for a large congregation in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or Mormon Church). There are those who can hardly wait for their weekly ... Read More

The year 2000 was very difficult for my family. My husband and I were anxiously awaiting the newest addition to our family: a little brother for our then two-year old daughter. We realized she couldn’t fully understand why we had her talking to my belly so often. She only knew the act made us smile. I woke up really early one morning to labor pains. Several hours later I held my baby boy in my arms while my husband, father, and older brother quickly placed their hands on his head and gave him a name and a priesthood blessing. As they removed their hands from his tiny head the doctor approached... Read More

One of the hardest questions for me to answer is, “How many kids do you have?” When we’re all piled on a bench together you’ll see my husband and me with four pretty cute kids. But someone’s always missing. Early on in the year 2000 I gave birth to our second child – a boy who we named after his father. Unknown to us he had suffered what is called a diaphragmatic hernia while still in the womb. He lived only one hour and twelve minutes. While in the ICU doctors, nurses, and paramedics all stood around as my husband, father, and older brother placed their hands on our baby’s head to give him a name and a ... Read More

I stood outside the school doors one day, waiting for my oldest to get out of school. My boys were playing on the nearby playground, and the baby lay tucked tight in her stroller. It usually took a few minutes after the bell would ring for my oldest to find her way to us, but it was never a problem until one particular day. A group of girls came walking over to the area right outside the door and were met by another group. It was clear from the first filthy words out of their mouths this was not a friendly encounter. In fact, I wanted to cover my baby’s ears, even if she didn’t understand what was being said. I was grateful my boys were playing a little ways off so they couldn’t hear the offensive words. Even more distressing than the words for me, was ... Read More

A sweet woman my husband works with has twin girls just a year older than my own daughter. Every six months or so she goes through her girls’ closet and locates all the clothes that are too small and lovingly hands them over to us. These gifts of clothes come as quite a blessing and we dearly appreciate her thinking of us first. With some of the clothes, however, there is one problem. They’re not very modest. I will admit to being disturbed by the fashion trends geared towards pre-teen girls. In fact, even when my daughter was seven it was difficult to find clothes that weren’t cut too high or too low, and I was often forced to buy shirts and shorts a size bigger just to ensure her body would be appropriately covered. The idea of being modest needs to b... Read More

Every year the general (worldwide) leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (otherwise known by the nickname “Mormons”) put together a theme to help bring Primary children (age 3-11) closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus. For 2008 the theme is “I Am a Child of God” and the scripture is taken from Psalm 82:6, “All of you are children of the most high.” This theme and scripture are part of a booklet provided to Primary leaders to help... Read More

Have you ever taken a walk with a child, either to school, around the block, or just for a little saunter down the street? Have you noticed they have to stop and look at every single weed, rock, and bug you pass? While most of us as adults would rather get to our destination as quickly as possible, I think it’s important for us to once in a while stop and share in the joy of the world God has created for us. January is the official month to “Celebrate Life.” Ironically I recently gave a lesson about the importance of life in my Young Women class (girls 12-17 in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, otherwise known as Mormons). In it Pre... Read More

It’s a pleasant moment for any parent or guardian to find their child (or children) choosing to do something right. It is especially sweet when it's the result of our own example and teaching. Too often parents allow school, television, or other leaders to help rear their children. "The Lord has placed this duty with mothers and fathers. It is one from which we cannot escape and one that cannot be delegated. Others may help, but parents remain accountable. Therefore, we must guard the sanctity of our homes because that is where children develop their values, attitudes, and habits for everyday living" (M. Russell Ballard, “Teach the Children,” Ensign, May 1991). It is in the home children gain their first insights into ho... Read More

Playing in the yard. Going to the park. Taking a quick trip to the store. In every conceivable situation our children don’t even think about being safe. It’s just supposed to happen. Odds are they don’t fully understand the concept of staying safe. So what happens when that protective barrier has a hole or two? One December when my oldest was almost three years old, she managed to escape the safe confines of our back yard. I had gone in to take a shower, and came out to absolute silence. I looked through the window. With no sign of her signature pink coat and bright yellow boots I completely freaked out. Pushing my sockless feet into shoes and running out the front door I began my frantic search for the sweetest little thing in my life. There was no sig... Read More